Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Poop bomb

War stinks!
  (+9, -2)
(+9, -2)
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The next time America wants to bully its weight around on small-time dictators, it can do so with Poop Bombs. The bomb is a large cylinder with an explosive charge that fires 100 ft above the ground, dispersing 800 cubic feet of human feces across items of strategic importance. Army troops and administration supporters will have nightmares about this weapon and will make every opportunity to flee potential targets. And with the dictator's palace, city, and buildings smeared with excrement, his people and the history books will remember him with nothing but humiliation. A martyr or a war hero couldn't possibly rise out of this type of attack -- imagine North Korean propaganda trying to glorify something like this with Kim Jong Il.

Production is dirt cheap, and is limited only by the capacity of sewage treatment plants. The United States president would appear on TV, rallying Americans to strengthen the "formula" of resolve by eating plenty of Big Macs, chili dogs, and Mexican beer. And what proud American wouldn't do this for their country?

mrnesbit, May 18 2001


       Poop bomb. I heard a story that if you take the bulb out of the enemy's overhead light fixture, shattered it without breaking the filament, stuck an M-80 in a bag of feces taped to the ceiling, screwed the light bulb back in and wrapped the M-80's fuse around the filament, the room would be lined with S**T the next time he turned on the light.
Amishman35, Dec 18 2001

       That's um... nice.
salmon, Dec 19 2001

       Mr. NESBIT? Are you sure your last name is NESBIT? From this post, I thought your last name was FARRELLY!
Sparki, Dec 20 2001

       An incontinental ballistic missile? But this would be bio-loo-gical warfare. Maybe a mist of pasteurized urine would be easier to handle and more acceptable.   

       To make it effective, first show video: the attacking president (and several other prime representatives of the group reviled by those being attacked) peeing into a big vat that is then pasteurized (show it steaming) and then funneled into the tanks that will be emptied over the target city or on to their crops. Use their prejudices to maximum effect: when attacking Arabs, for example, make it clear that you are spraying Jew pee on them. And vice versa.   

       And no explosions: just spray, then try to return or ditch the missile (or drone or tanker airplane or whatever it is) safely. If you're going to use this, the aim, I think, should be revolt (revulsion and revolution) without direct injury.
horripilation, Dec 07 2002

       i think this has real milatary application, i used to live on a farm and know the power of "muck sprays" and "slury" (coloquial term for liquid cow s**t) i fell down in some when i was cleaning out the cow shed. not pleasant.
talen, Dec 10 2002

       As a form of political commentary a few years back over the French bombing in the Pacific, an Australian comedian dumped a truckload of manure right in front of the French embassy.   

       It was naughty but also very amusing.
madradish, Dec 10 2002

       On the subject of the farmer "attacking" a building with a manure spreader, I couldn't find a link either but I believe it was the county hall in the town of Morpeth, Northumberland.
talen, Dec 11 2002

       There is at least one Tantra sect in India that practices the eating of shit, so it wouldn't work everywhere. But it would sure wipe the smile off most people's faeces.
Adze, Jun 01 2005

       Ah, yes, but the US isn't at war with India.   

       It'd be ten times cheaper than Semtex, that much I can be sure of.
shapu, Jun 01 2005

       To make this work there would have to be some procedure for transporting poop the long distances required. I assume this bomb would be made with American poop - it seems to me that using locally obtained poop misses the point.   

       I had considered freeze drying, with subsequent reconstitution, or canning. Either one will sterilize or nearly sterilize the American poop, which again misses the point.   

       I think the solution is to can the poop, and have another can with the appropriate micro-organisms which can be added in the hours before deployment.   

       The prbblem of where to collect the poop is another issue. I believe it would be best collected at sporting events and suburban malls.
bungston, Jun 16 2005

       A new weapon that doesn't cost billions to develop? It'll never fly.
I suspect that, somewhere in the bowels of the Pentagon, some crazed person is funding a project to develop a gel/fibre composite slurry, a brownish FDA- approved food-dye, and a combination of noxious amines specifically to manufacture highly expensive weapons-grade simulated poop.
Basepair, Jun 16 2005

       The Aussie military, presumably, is developing 'depleted urinium' shells.
Basepair, Jun 16 2005


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