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Why not imagine it in a way that works?
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Here in the UK, there is a radio program called `In The Psychiatrist's Chair' in which, every week, some celebrity is interviewed by Dr Anthony Clare, an eminent psychiatrist of this parish. I don't know if there is a similar program in the US, although I imagine it would be a great hit in New York.
The usual suspects are all covered: childhood, relationship with mother, sex, etc etc. All very well, and quite illuminating, I'm sure, but I am always left feeling vaguely dissatisfied at the end of the show.
What is missing is `The Diagnosis'. There should be a five minute slot at the end when, the patient having been thanked and ushered from the studio, the eminent man sits back, cracks his fingers, and addresses the radio audience. He will bring to bear all his expertise to explain the complexes and neuroses of the patient, offer some expert opinion on their state of mind, and maybe make a prognosis for the future. He will also point out crucial mistakes the unfortunate has made, and perhaps offer advice so we at home may avoid similar pitfalls.
||I think your dog needs counselling
||Aww. I was hoping for a radio
feed of a soothing voice saying
"Mmm. Interesting. Why do you
feel that way?" etc every few