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Reflexive Goal Post

Avoid head injuries
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The Turkish goalkeeper almost headbutted the left post (from his perspective) today doing a dive to try to save a Brazillian shot (did it go in? I forget.). And it came to my attention that, were he 2 inches further back, his head would have collided with the post. Which is metal. And therefore painful.

My thinking is that we should develop some sort of goalpost that wouldn't knock a keeper unconscious should he dive into it. Maybe a rugby-style padded post, or some sort of bendy post that could quickly be adjusted by officials. As with any mediocre idea, however, this is flawed, as a bendy goal could, to some extent, be used to cheat and stop goals going in. That'll need work.

NickTheGreat, Jun 03 2002

Carlos Valderrama (pictured sporting protective afro) http://www.worldcup...NDS/valderrama.html
Sports Fact: Carlos's eldest son is called Alan after the midfielder's boyhood hero Alan Rough. [calum, Jun 10 2002]

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       Just don't put pads on it. That would be Americanizing it, and as you real footballers well know, pads are for pussies.
thumbwax, Jun 03 2002
  

       Duely noted.   

       <hide target="americans"> I am all against Americanising, I can assure you. </hide>   

       <show target="americans"> I love all things American. </show>
NickTheGreat, Jun 03 2002
  

       I think you should keep the "bendiness" aspect, then make it part of the game.
yamahito, Jun 03 2002
  

       How, exactly?
NickTheGreat, Jun 03 2002
  

       You mean make them as weapons? Or moving targets?
NickTheGreat, Jun 03 2002
  

       Just replace the metal posts with the more traditional stack of jumpers.   

       Or you could use wood again. I deal for wet climates, where the moisture will create a warping bending softening effect. Crap in the antartic, where it would be just as hard as metal.
[ sctld ], Jun 03 2002
  

       Anglicize them by putting 4" spikes all over them. Separate the men from the boys.
phoenix, Jun 03 2002
  

       licorice sticks - give Seaman a nibble between bouts of activity or boredom.
po, Jun 03 2002
  

       Liquorice, actually
NickTheGreat, Jun 03 2002
  

       The problem you've identified is the badness of the hard goalpost hitting the less-hard goalkeeper's head.   

       If we can't reduce the hardness of the goalpost for fear of interfering with the game, the only other option is reducing the hardness of the goalkeeper's head...   

       <insert token comment about the current sponginess of [American|British|random other country's] goalies' heads>
MrWrong, Jun 03 2002
  

       Surely, you mean we should increase the hardness of the goalkeeper's head? Or do you mean make it softer so it would.. I don't know.. bounce?
NickTheGreat, Jun 03 2002
  

       Well, if we harden up the goalie's head then we run into the same problems as when we soften up the goalposts -- something in the game that should remain static that is being deformed by the impact.   

       If we allow the goalie's head to be nice and soft, it will deform and absorb all of the impact. And maybe bounce. (I was thinking of using Nerf, but rubber is good, too...)   

       Now we can let fly with comments about various nationalities' goalies' heads already being deformed, soft, hard, etc.
MrWrong, Jun 03 2002
  

       replace all posts with Slinkies. they spring right back into place after impact, and they're fun for a girl and a boy.
china, Jun 03 2002
  

       bit fat for a goal post though
po, Jun 03 2002
  

       What if the slinky gets tangled as is so often the problem, not infrequently ending in dissappointment for the person involved?
NickTheGreat, Jun 04 2002
  

       The ball won't bounce back correctly if the posts were made of slinky's.
[ sctld ], Jun 04 2002
  

       What if the goalposts were made of stackable flocking road cones?
thumbwax, Jun 04 2002
  

       Good idea.. then we could dismantle the goal and use the cones as stand-by keepers. Perhaps.
NickTheGreat, Jun 05 2002
  

       Sorry, I don't like to nit-pick (except at actual literal nits) but this has been bugging me for some time. Shouldn't this be a reactive or even a reflective goal post? I imagine a reflexive goal post as trying to score goals into itself. Which would be entertaining, as it tried to run round and kick the ball back into the space where it was before it ran round chasing its metaphorical tail.
pottedstu, Jun 05 2002
  

       proactive goalpost - the choice of professionals
thumbwax, Jun 05 2002
  

       [pottedstu]: By reflexive, I mean a post that will refelexively move out of the way of a diving keeper. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sure this builds on one definition of a reflexive action?
NickTheGreat, Jun 06 2002
  

       NickTheGreat: Yeah, I know what you mean, but (possibly from my linguistic studies or somewhere) reflexive has connotations of doing something to yourself, more than referring to rapid reaction.
pottedstu, Jun 06 2002
  

       REFLEXive then? Is there a way of putting it referring more to the 'reflex' bit? Maybe I could re-christen it the dancing goalpost? Or the bendy goalpost? Besides, the reflexive bit - doing it to itself that is - is arguable, as the goalpost, if fited with high-tech computer brains stolen from AI robots, could dodge out of the way by itself.
NickTheGreat, Jun 07 2002
  

       [UB] I think you'll find that the ref sent off the player who kicked the ball at him. Since the match Rivaldo (the Brazilian player) has been fined by FIFA for playacting.   

       The question is though, did Michael Owen take a dive today to win that penalty against Argentina?
stupop, Jun 07 2002
  

       // Just don't americanize it. //   

       Right. Nothing is more culturally sustaining in British society than having your head bashed in at least a few times. Connection?   

       Perhaps you mean' Flexible' instead of 'reflexive?'   

       I think the goalposts should run around the field, trying to avoid getting scored on, like a member of the team. Maybe the goalie could just wear a big net.
RayfordSteele, Jun 08 2002
  

       And maybe the pope could become a protestant... Don't be silly. Why not simply do away with the goalie and have <random> a bunch of ducks with fishing nets on their heads </random> running around the track and trying to catch the ball, while the players try their best not to score, thus completely elleviating(1) the need for goalposts and goalies altogether. That'd be novel.   

       [UnaBubba]: //Just ban soccer// - take it you're American?   

       [stupop]: tread *VERY* carefully, now...   

       [edit]: Track? I've been playing Gran Turismo 3 too much. Pitch, of course.   

       (1) Pedants: is that how it's spelt?
NickTheGreat, Jun 10 2002
  

       Reducing the hardness of the goalies' heads (as suggested by MrWrong) can be achieved through the wonder of AfroAssault's Hospital Afro (previously employed by Columbian master of the sideways ball, Carlos Valderrama).
calum, Jun 10 2002
  

       Perhaps soccer should be a privelege. Only countries that can demonstrate an ability to control themselves should be allowed in the Cup.
RayfordSteele, Jun 11 2002
  

       Ah, to live in a country which acknowledges Rugby to be a part of the natural evolution of football... Especially in such times as these..
yamahito, Jun 11 2002
  

       [RayfordSteele]: So that's Russia out then.
NickTheGreat, Jun 16 2002
  

       Don't they play foozball* in heaven? Like at the end of that Simpson's episode, 'Homer the Heretic'?   

       (*: Table football; correct spelling?)
NickTheGreat, Jun 17 2002
  
      
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