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Repentance Alert Device

Presto-change-o Death Bed Repentance
  (+6, -4)
(+6, -4)
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Gasp..There is no one around and it looks like curtains for me! I should have lived a better life.. If only there were a priest hear my confession and grant me forgiveness before I.. I.. uhhhg.

The Repentance Alert Device (RAD) is your link to the Repentance Alert Network Team (RANT). The RAD is basically a dedicated Cell communication device, configured to dial up RANT and provide your customer id and religious affilliation to RANT's computer, then connecting you to an on-call cleric. Using speaker phone technology, the rest of the interaction with RANT is hands free. How it all works: In the moments before your expiration, simply press the button on the Repentance Alert Device (attached to a neckless) to immediately notify the RANT Communications Center. Instantly, the support person of your choice is there to listen to your last confession, answer deep theological\philisophical questions, or to just listen to your incoherant cathardic rambling.

But what if you are out of RANT's service range or wish to avoid costly roaming charges? No problem. An upgrade to the basic level Repentance Alert Device allows you to digitally record your confession and any other last words. At this point I see at least two options for the customer.

1) Press a button on the device and listen to a pre-recorded "You are forgiven.." type message. 2) The customer does nothing else and is simply rest assured that the confession or last words will be analyzed by the RANT staff and a decision will be made posthumously as to forgiveness was granted or not.

While the Repentance Alert Device targets the nonsecular demographic, even those favoring nontheistic beliefs could benefit as their last words would be recorded and available to family members and loved ones.

UVApostrophe, Feb 11 2005


       "Help! I've fallen (from grace) and I can't get up!"
contracts, Feb 11 2005

gnomethang, Feb 12 2005

       If a sinner repents in the forest and there's no one there to hear, does he still get eternal life?
hippo, Feb 12 2005

       Wake me for the rapture.   

       Revel in your life led of excess, experimentation and exhumation.   

       No, wait, that last part can't be mentioned until the trial.
Detly, Feb 12 2005

       Just dial a random number on your phone and make your final confession to whoever picks up. That would weird them out.
wagster, Feb 12 2005

       May I pre-record mine? That way I have a few more seconds to bask in my more wicked memories just before I hit [Save].
spacer, Feb 13 2005

       Why do I picture cell phones with little white priest collars? (+)
MrDaliLlama, Feb 14 2005

       Hehe, yeah.
UVApostrophe, Feb 16 2005


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