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Rhetoric Decoder Ring

Use to sift through the lies broadcast by politicians
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(+4, -1)
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This device will be given away free when someone registers to vote, and will be sent free to all those who are already registered. It is simply a pocket-sized dictionary-type device that translates words like "iron-clad lockbox" to "I don't really have a plan yet" and "fuzzy math" to "This guy seems a lot smarter than I do." It will translate "no new taxes" to "new taxes" and "I did not sleep with that woman" to "I did sleep with that woman" Also, there will be an upgrade feature for Senate Hearings that will translate things like "I do not recall the events of that evening." to "Shit."

Look also for future descrambling devices to attach to cable boxes that will give you real time clarity in political speech. Until this product is fully available, however, we offer our customers this simple rule of thumb: if the politician is wearing either a red or a blue tie, he's lying.

Full color, large print, detailed instructions will be included for all Florida residents.

Vecini, Nov 27 2000

The Forest of Rhetoric. http://humanities.b.../rhetoric/silva.htm
Recognising the techniques is the first step in decoding the bullshit. [DrBob, Nov 27 2000]


       This should come in two models- government to human and corporate to human.   

       Government: "Fuzzy math."
Human: "Hey, no fair using numbers!"

       Corporate: "All of our customer service representatives are busy assisting other customers."
Human: "We don't care enough about customer service to hire a second person."
Uncle Nutsy, Nov 28 2000


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