Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Robot Marching Band

Distract your enemies, then crush them with a hammer
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While perusing some other ideas, my brother came home for lunch from his second job. Suddenly, he stepped in the room, announced that he thinks a robot marching band that did nothing other than play instruments and march would be a great strategy for winning war, then left. He was very serious.

I thought about it for a while and decided he was right. An army of robots, equipped with flutes, drums, and tubas, marching across the frontlines while playing music and doing nothing more, would destroy any tactic the enemy might have and ultimately aid in their defeat.
AfroAssault, Nov 17 2001

BEAM robots http://www.solarbotics.net/library.html
As mentioned by [entremanure]. BEAM stands for Biology, Electronics, Aesthetics, Mechanics; these robots are typically cheap, simple, solar-powered, and made from recycled components. No bagpipes so far. [jutta, Nov 17 2001]

Lego'd http://www.windblos...goland_2001/dc2.jpg
Just how long this will distract your enemy probably depends on just how many toddlers they have in tow. [Nick@Nite, Oct 21 2004]


       You are right - there is no way to combat a marching band... destroying them simply wastes your amo as they are not dangerous... they simply distract you while you try to aim...
RobertKidney, Nov 17 2001

       robots...cool good one Afro, for putting in robots
technobadger, Nov 17 2001

       Of course, bass players are single-handedly responsible for the industrial Revolution.
mrkillboy, Nov 18 2001

       Could be baked. See February 2000 Smithsonian article about Mark Tilden's robots.   

       I like it, AfroAssault. Funny image. Bug-eyed tuba-wielding, bobble-headed robots. Sent by aliens as a mean-spirited joke. An advanced version of a Furby.
entremanure, Nov 18 2001

       Other positive side effect: the development of tuba-seeking weapons and the frequent misidentification of human marching bands as robots would lead to the final extinction of this most mechanical and offensive musical form.
pottedstu, Nov 19 2001

       Of course the robots could have an offensive role. Sound at the right frequencies can kill or disable someone and the practises of ignoring an apparent robot marching band could mean that special forces have a conventient way to cross battlefields ...
Aristotle, Nov 19 2001

       Didn't the British try this tactic at the Battle of New Orleans?
DrBob, Nov 19 2001

       "Oh no, sir. They've brought in the heavy artillery. They have steam organs!"   

       UB: Bagpipes are in my blood, also, but I'm trying to get them out. Irish and other bagpipes sound lovely, but I'm afraid the Scots version are just an interminable drone to me - definitely an offensive weapon, should be outlawed under the Geneva Convention. Guess I'm just not a patriot.
Guy Fox, Nov 19 2001

       You guys are writing with some irony about bagpipes being adapted for use as offensive weapons, but it's been my understanding that the Scots initially created them and intentionally used them en masse primarily as means of unnerving their enemies on the battlefield. Or is this just an urban rumor I ascribed to historical fact?
beauxeault, Nov 19 2001

       'Intentionally used', certainly. They're not actually a Scottish invention; there are bagpipes in various forms all over the world. Moorish armies used the shawm (which is like a single bagpipe without the bag, in that it has one volume setting. [Guess what that is.]) in groups of fifty or more to achieve a similar effect.
angel, Nov 19 2001

       I understand they actually originated in Greece, though I could be wrong.   

       I'm not sure if robotic marching pipe band armies is baked though. (Depends on just how effective the army is in dehumanising its soldiers - or how much sentience you ascribe to members of the Orange Lodge.) I'd have to say that anyone willing to use bagpipes on the battlefield has to be a pretty cold and callous killing machine, by my book. My God, we might at least give them a sporting chance.
Guy Fox, Nov 19 2001

       I've built a few beam robots and although they are small it could work... I mean they could make noises and maybe a song but I don't think a robot could play a wind instrument. BIO bug toys are made by the inventor of BEAM robots and they make a bunch of sounds- they could probably be hacked to play music.
timbong, Nov 24 2001

       Clan MacDonald.
Motto: Per mare per terras - "By sea and by land". Excellent musicians and warmongers, not a robot in the bunch unless you count a nephew.
thumbwax, Nov 24 2001

       I think its a great idea. If the army could make robotic versions of the Lawrence Welk or Guy Lombardo orchestras we'd have the ultimate weapon of destruction.
Mr_Thundercleese, Mar 10 2002

       develop a Kenny G bot, plays with the same easy jazz style but without the hair. Maybe a Tesla Coil for a head.   

       I hear the military is working on it, crowd control
Mad_CapX, Nov 04 2002

       Maby speakers attached to blimps would be more effective? Random tones should be emitted - or tones corrisponding to the numbers in pie. Or bagpipe blimps?
my-nep, Dec 17 2003

       There are too many marching bands about, send some real ones in......
Micky Dread, Dec 17 2003

       I'm sure that marching band will slow down those nukes..
Supercruiser, Dec 17 2003


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