Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
It's the thought that counts.

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



STLKR porn

Sewer,Traffic, Line, Keys and Registration porn
  [vote for,

I have an acronym for the things in my life that I experience a lot of that used to seem like a waste of time and make me frustrated and anxious, that I now regard as evidence that God or nature really really does not want me to do something or other and is thus making life bureaucratic and full of nonsense for me. This acronym is STLKR which stands for:

Sewer Traffic Line Keys Registration

Actually, now that I am an old fart without any goals, I think of these aspects of my life not as obstacles to getting what I want but evidence that God or nature is very careful and consistent about punishing you for not learning.

Increasingly I regard them in the way I used to regard the addictions I used to engage in in order to deal with the frustration of having to endure these activities on the way to some goal or other. The addictions quickly became the goals.

So now I think to myself, "ah, yeah, how about a little LINE, ah yeah," as I am getting into the 15 minute line at Starbucks every morning. Or, as I am fumbling about with my 40 keys to figure out which one is the one to the bathroom, for the 10th year in a row, I now think, "ah, yeah, I'm gonna enjoy me some KEY". So SEWER, TRAFFIC, LINE, KEYS, and REGISTRATION, have finally attained the exulted position in my life that SEX, DRUGS, and ROCK AND ROLL, once held, and that was originally occupied by CHURCH, FAMILY and HONEWORK. Ok it was never occupied by homework, that was a lie, and thus the rest of the progression I guess,

Anyway. I am not a jealous man, so I would like other people to be able to have the same experience as me, especially now that I am able to be fully conscious and present to the details of the STLKR activities in my life, and that I can recognize the intricacy and delicacy with which God or nature orchestrated these activities.

I am convinced also that this kind of recorded footage and not Cosmos or the morning news will be our legacy, is the best evidence of the way our world works, and will be the research playground of future generations.

So I am proposing STLKR porn, which is not just sheer volume database recordings of first person STLKR experiences but rather, ready-for-consumption highlights. Kind of like YouTube for psychologists.

Think about it: all the line, key fumbling, sewage smell and homeless people experiences, endless loops of registration nightmare, and passive aggressive traffic interaction you could ever want, all in one place, so that if your life was going to end up that way, well then now you would never have to leave home in order to experience it.

JesusHChrist, Jul 03 2015


       // STKLR porn //   

       Sp. "Swindon"
8th of 7, Jul 03 2015

       [+] haven't bothered reading exactly what you're on about, but seems sufficiently "old guy" ranty.
FlyingToaster, Jul 03 2015

       //fumbling about with my 40 keys to figure out which one is the one to the bathroom//   

       Who needs a key to get into their bathroom??
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 03 2015

       Can we just skip the //Sewer,Traffic, Line, Keys and Registration// bit and get straight to the porn? Or am I missing something?   

       [Max] you should ask your erotica librarian's young research assistant to find you some "locked in the bathroom" porn.
pocmloc, Jul 03 2015

       //experience; exhaustion; morose pointlessness of existence;// Ah, I can see what you've done wrong there. What you have done is gone and had a morose and pointless existence. That's never a good thing.   

       Most other types of existence are better. There's "a lifelong struggle against insuperable odds"; there's "a carefree lifestyle which, inevitably, took its toll"; and there's even (though I wouldn't personally recommend it) "a life dedicated to the service of [X]" where X is variable. All of those sound good in obituaries. What does not sound good in an obituary is "peacefully, in his sleep, after a morose and pointless existence".   

       Far be it from me to chivvy, harry or bethrip you, but I think you ought to consider an alternative existence.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 03 2015

       Ah - I was perhaps misdirected by your use of the word "one". It is, however, a relief. Incidentally, I would like my own obituary to read "Unexpectedly, whilst bungee jumping naked at the Y3K New Year festivities on Henderson Island."
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 03 2015

       // I was talking about a typical wanker out there. //   

       Be specific ... Ed or David ?
8th of 7, Jul 03 2015


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle