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Simplified Brexit Solution

Re-designate the British Isles as additional channel islands
  [vote for,

Currently the United Kingdom is facing an awful lot of hand- wringing and teeth gnashing about leaving the EU. The amount of fussing would have anyone believe the country is to be physically excised and floated 300 miles further out into the Atlantic. What actually has to happen, is paperwork. While everyone knows where they are with existing paperwork, things get very difficult indeed when the appropriate forms don't currently exist. Panic quickly propagates through any administrative workplace when form uncertainty is identified. This is usually resolved when someone named Geoff, says "wait a minute, can't we just class this as a 4B and run it that way?" a huge sigh of relief follows as the problem is now redirected through a familiar series of forms and sub forms. I believe I have found such a solution for the Brexit conundrum.

Currently the Channel Islands are not a member of the EU, from wikipedia:

"Channel Islanders are British citizens and hence European citizens.[47] As a result, they can travel freely within the EU, and all European citizens can travel to the islands without restrictions. However, the islands do not participate in the freedom of movement of labour, and as a result their citizens are not entitled to work or reside within the EU unless they are directly connected (through birth, or descent from a parent or grandparent) with the United Kingdom. After five years continuous residence in the United Kingdom, islanders are entitled to participate in the freedom of movement of labour or services throughout the EU.[48]"

That seems like the sort of deal that many would consider ideal for post EU Britain.

Britain is designated as:

"Great Britain, also known as Britain, is a large island in the north Atlantic Ocean off the northwest coast of continental Europe."

Another way of looking at Britain would be as the largest channel island, Jersey, Guernsey, Sark and Britain are all nicely nestled in the channel between EU members France and the Republic of Ireland.

So we simply do a bit of re-zoning and naming, Britain can now be "Greater Jersey", Jersey can be renamed "Little Jersey**", Wales could possibly take the title "West Sark" and follow its namesake in banning cars, since cars confuse the Welsh.

We then tell the EU that they'll need to amend their forms a little to include a couple of new places. This could probably be taken care of in a couple of days by a single temp***. Simply amend the forms, print off a load and replace the old ones in the filing cabinet. All the "UK" forms can be shredded. Done.

*this will fit with English naming conventions for villages, Jerseyans will be happy, because the "little" designation normally means its a little posher and more exclusive than the "greater" version, although they acknowledge that they will have to pop over to get the Volvo MOT'd

**This additional Jersey will have a wonderful side effect. Currently, New Jersey is the 3rd best Jersey, after 1. Jersey & 2. A Jersey Cow. The creation of "Great Jersey" will relegate "New Jersey" to 4th position, worse, the prefix "New" will be obsolete and inaccurate, and "Jersey" would have confusing connotations. So they'd have to rename to "Crappy Jersey" or the more accurate "East-coast retail and parking zone #1".

***Temp will need to be proficient in the "Find and replace" feature of MS Word, alternatively, a large government IT project could probably write a macro for GBP 247 million in under 3 years.

bs0u0155, Jan 23 2017

See my Apr 15th 2016 annotation Random_20block_20vo...es_2fNo_20referenda
"Our other obvious option is to use what's left of our navy to invade the Channel Islands. Jersey, Guernsey (and the others which no one bother with (Alderney, Sark, etc.)) are not currently part of the UK, the EU or the Commonwealth (but are, of course, Crown Dependencies and are part of "The Crown", which might or might not mean that they're the property of the Queen). There is no precedent for an EU nation invading and taking over a non-EU nation. However it is logical that if you do this, in the process becoming a larger state, your EU membership is somewhat diluted with the invaded state's non-EU membership. This will allow us to pick and choose which EU things we carry on with and which we ignore." [hippo, Jan 25 2017]


       You might actually be onto something here, [bs]. As long as adopting the Jersey rules doesn't mean that we have to have John Nettles running around the mainland solving crimes.   

       Might also be worth looking at the Isle of Man, which has the oldest continuous government of anywhere, I believe.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2017

       //doesn't mean that we have to have John Nettles running around the mainland solving crimes//   

       I'm afraid that is already a disturbing reality. Word on the street is that Nettles was driven to bankruptcy by his addiction to ageing British roadsters and was forced to take a job in Britain's murder capital to fund his search for 1947 Triumph pedal rubbers.
bs0u0155, Jan 23 2017

       But where will Jersey Shore be filmed?
RayfordSteele, Jan 23 2017

       There are some who maintain that Jersey isn't even a real place but it is instead a legal fiction gussied up with yachts and cows. I am not sure that I can buy that conspiracy wholesale, but the advent of CREST has permitted the wholesale dematerialisation of share certificates, so why not the wholesale dematerialisation of an island, particularly if that island now exists only as a means of perpetuating the throbbing heat haze of the financial services industry. If this dematerialisation has indeed happened - and the cancellation of Bergerac is a strong indicator that it has - then I would question the wisdom of allow the Right Royal Queen of England and all who sail in her to hitch her and her subjects' corporeality to such a fiction, especially when that act would be in the name of preserving what has very astutely been identified by each and every Leave voter as an inescapably capitalist superstructure brought into being solely to serve the once human but now almost entirely algorithmic Stewards Of Our Capital Wealth.
calum, Jan 23 2017

       //where do we stand on Gibraltar // Gibraltar is the only landmass to be recognised as (a) part of England and (b) part of the early 1970s. Since we only joined the EEC in 1973, Gibraltar will remain unaffected.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2017

       If you take New Jersey too we'll give you half of Connecticut.
Voice, Jan 25 2017

       <cough!> see linked idea - and invade Jersey!
hippo, Jan 25 2017

       That I think is the runway?
RayfordSteele, Jan 25 2017

       I was, as it happens to happen, in Gibraltar recently. It is so tiny that the airport's runway intersects a main road, and they use traffic lights to stop traffic when a flight lands or takes off. I shit you not.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 25 2017


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