h a l f b a k e r y
Faster than a stationary bullet.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
Currently the United Kingdom is facing an awful lot of
wringing and teeth gnashing about leaving the EU. The
fussing would have anyone believe the
be physically excised and floated 300 miles further out
Atlantic. What actually has to happen, is
everyone knows where they are with existing paperwork,
get very difficult indeed when the appropriate forms
currently exist. Panic quickly propagates through any
administrative workplace when form uncertainty is
This is usually resolved when someone named Geoff, says
minute, can't we just class this as a 4B and run it that
huge sigh of relief follows as the problem is now
through a familiar series of forms and sub forms. I
found such a solution for the Brexit conundrum.
Currently the Channel Islands are not a member of the
"Channel Islanders are British citizens and hence
citizens. As a result, they can travel freely within the
all European citizens can travel to the islands without
restrictions. However, the islands do not participate in
freedom of movement of labour, and as a result their
not entitled to work or reside within the EU unless they
directly connected (through birth, or descent from a
grandparent) with the United Kingdom. After five years
continuous residence in the United Kingdom, islanders
to participate in the freedom of movement of labour or
throughout the EU."
That seems like the sort of deal that many would
for post EU Britain.
Britain is designated as:
"Great Britain, also known as Britain, is a large
island in the north Atlantic Ocean off the northwest
Another way of looking at Britain would be as the largest
island, Jersey, Guernsey, Sark and Britain are all nicely
the channel between EU members France and the
So we simply do a bit of re-zoning and naming, Britain
"Greater Jersey", Jersey can be renamed "Little
could possibly take the title "West Sark" and follow its
in banning cars, since cars confuse the Welsh.
We then tell the EU that they'll need to amend their
to include a couple of new places. This could probably be
care of in a couple of days by a single temp***. Simply
forms, print off a load and replace the old ones in the
cabinet. All the "UK" forms can be shredded. Done.
*this will fit with English naming conventions for villages,
Jerseyans will be happy, because the "little" designation
means its a little posher and more exclusive than the
version, although they acknowledge that they will have
over to get the Volvo MOT'd
**This additional Jersey will have a wonderful side
Currently, New Jersey is the 3rd best Jersey, after 1.
A Jersey Cow. The creation of "Great Jersey" will
Jersey" to 4th position, worse, the prefix "New" will be
and inaccurate, and "Jersey" would have confusing
So they'd have to rename to "Crappy Jersey" or the more
"East-coast retail and parking zone #1".
***Temp will need to be proficient in the "Find and
feature of MS Word, alternatively, a large government IT
could probably write a macro for GBP 247 million in
See my Apr 15th 2016 annotation
"Our other obvious option is to use what's left of our navy to invade the Channel Islands. Jersey, Guernsey (and the others which no one bother with (Alderney, Sark, etc.)) are not currently part of the UK, the EU or the Commonwealth (but are, of course, Crown Dependencies and are part of "The Crown", which might or might not mean that they're the property of the Queen). There is no precedent for an EU nation invading and taking over a non-EU nation. However it is logical that if you do this, in the process becoming a larger state, your EU membership is somewhat diluted with the invaded state's non-EU membership. This will allow us to pick and choose which EU things we carry on with and which we ignore." [hippo, Jan 25 2017]
||I'd agree with the renaming of the UK as "The Big Tax Haven" though. The UK's biggest industry is money changing, which Brexiteers can laugh at - "as an independent inward looking nation, who needs food or technology ? Ha!".
||You might actually be onto something here, [bs]. As long as adopting the Jersey rules doesn't mean that we have to have John Nettles running around the mainland solving crimes.
||Might also be worth looking at the Isle of Man, which has the oldest continuous government of anywhere, I believe.
||//doesn't mean that we have to have John Nettles running
around the mainland solving crimes//
||I'm afraid that is already a disturbing reality. Word on the
street is that Nettles was driven to bankruptcy by his
addiction to ageing British roadsters and was forced to take
a job in Britain's murder capital to fund his search for 1947
Triumph pedal rubbers.
||But where will Jersey Shore be filmed?
||There are some who maintain that Jersey isn't even a real
place but it is instead a legal fiction gussied up with yachts
and cows. I am not sure that I can buy that conspiracy
wholesale, but the advent of CREST has permitted the
wholesale dematerialisation of share certificates, so why
not the wholesale dematerialisation of an island,
particularly if that island now exists only as a means of
perpetuating the throbbing heat haze of the financial
services industry. If this dematerialisation has indeed
happened - and the cancellation of Bergerac is a strong
indicator that it has - then I would question the wisdom of
allow the Right Royal Queen of England and all who sail in
her to hitch her and her subjects' corporeality to such a
fiction, especially when that act would be in the name of
preserving what has very astutely been identified by each
and every Leave voter as an inescapably capitalist
superstructure brought into being solely to serve the once
human but now almost entirely algorithmic Stewards Of
Our Capital Wealth.
||//where do we stand on Gibraltar // Gibraltar is the only landmass to be recognised as (a) part of England and (b) part of the early 1970s. Since we only joined the EEC in 1973, Gibraltar will remain unaffected.
||If you take New Jersey too we'll give you half of Connecticut.
||<cough!> see linked idea - and invade Jersey!
||//where do we stand on Gibraltar//
||That I think is the runway?
||I was, as it happens to happen, in Gibraltar recently. It is so tiny that the airport's runway intersects a main road, and they use traffic lights to stop traffic when a flight lands or takes off. I shit you not.
||The road connects spain and gibraltar and has traffic lights in a box section with the aircraft runway going perpendicular. Its easy to see on satellite maps, I just checked, but Gibraltar has moved since I went there. It used to be on the southern tip of spain.