Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Skin Crack

A million little orgasms, at your fingertips.
  [vote for,

Purchase a packet of Alloy Super-Itch skin fibers, rush home, tear it open, and rub it all over your body.

Each skin fiber is made of a titanium and nickle alloy. Along the length of the alloy are a number of directional hooks. When rubbed into the skin, each fiber penetrates the cutaneous layer, and then warmed by by the action, extends to a memory position that pushes the head of the fiber in deeper.

None of these fibers are more then 1 mm in length, and so, for the most part, they will not penetrate to the subcutaneous regions. Care must be taken not to rub them into the eyes or nether regions.

The fibers are very thin, and act merely as an itch catalyst, much like fiberglass.

Then, wherever you have rubbed in these fibres, for an instantaneous pleasurable feeling, simply scratch. The pure sensation of itch relief will radiate outwards from your fingers. This would be substantially cheaper then buying crack itself, and not to mention -- legal.

As your skin grows, the fibers will be slowly pushed to the surface. Simply rub the region to transfer more bodily warmth to the thin fibers, which will cause them to extend and penetrate deeper into your skin!

There is very little loss of fibers with this reuse mechanism built in, and a single packet would generate months of blissful Skin Crack scratching.

mylodon, Oct 30 2007

It's not nice man http://en.wikipedia.../wiki/Crack_cocaine
[theleopard, Oct 30 2007]


vincevincevince, Oct 30 2007

       Well, I have not had the opportunity or inclination to partake in the consumption of cocaine, but I hate being itchy.[-]
the dog's breakfast, Oct 30 2007

       Cocaine doesn't make you feel itchy, but if you are dependant on crack (which is very different to cocaine in it's pure form, and much more addictive) and don't have any in your system you will be irritable and fidgety. That's why crackheads scratch themselves. It's not an effect of the crack, rather it's an effect of not having any more crack. [-]
theleopard, Oct 30 2007

       I'm not advocating drug use. This allows for the pleasure of repetitive scratching without the hassle of sourcing a dealer.
mylodon, Oct 31 2007

       1 mm fibers in the skin? Pleasurable? This happens all the time: work with steel wool or fiberglass. It is not pleasurable. I think the author perceives itching differently than I do.
bungston, Oct 31 2007

       What [bungston] said. Not good.
david_scothern, Oct 31 2007

       What [scothern] said about what [bungston] said. Steel wool is most definitely by God not pleasurable when it gets on you and in you.
nomocrow, Nov 01 2007

       What [nomocrow] said about what [scothern] said about what [bungston] said. Itch relief isn't that pleasurable. A bit, but not enough to balance out the inevitable pain. I dare you to rub titanium and nickle alloy fibres into your skin and then itch them for 10 minutes straight. If you get pleasure without any drawbacks, I swear I'll bun this and write "[mylodon] is the greatest baker to ever grace this website" on my profile. Until then, itch this for a while (-)
Shadow Phoenix, Nov 01 2007

       since there is no way to stop the itch, you are at the mercy of the metal shards in your skin. i'm so curious, [mylodon], why did you think this was a good idea?
k_sra, Nov 01 2007

       What [Shadow Phoenix] said about what [nomocrow] said about what [scothern] said about what [bungston] said. It's like wearing tight shoes for the pleasure of removing them.
Voice, Nov 02 2007

       What [Voice] said about what [Shadow Phoenix] said about what [nomocrow] said about what [scothern] said about what [bungston] said. My references speak for themselves.
monk, Nov 02 2007

       This reminds me of a beavis and butthead routine.
ye_river_xiv, Nov 02 2007

       yeah, horrors!
dentworth, Nov 02 2007

       Eewwwwww! I can imagine my doctor trying to resolve my recurring skin infections and then finding out I was using "Skin Crack"...
Blisterbob, Nov 02 2007


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