Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Tempus fudge-it.

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Smoke Yo' Ass

A funereal option both classic and country.
  [vote for,

If you've ever been to see Los Momias in Guanajuato, Mexico, you have seen hundreds of humans preserved by drying. Exhumed for lack of cemetery plot rent, they were stood up like semi-transparent dog chews in dry chalk tunnels like catacombs where they are totally preserved. Decorative, delicate and spooky, but still, they would not be appropriate for our current social milieu. But if Bubba wants to be immortalized like his favorite brisket, we can do that. If Professor Hassenfelder wants to forever sit atop the flagpole at Harvard smelling like the favorite Sobranies, we can do that (With optional weatherproofing). Personally, I have specified a light Sativa smoke while seated at my desk in my favorite chair but others may like more of a Maillard-reaction tan to go with their tropical motif. Degrees of doneness can be specified as well, and of course, of fragrance. I'm opting for the English Leather club scent. Fruity flavors also available. The recently deceased are lovingly posed and styled in our one-of-a-kind Oklahoma Joe Ultra-Mega Smoker and 4 days later are cured, appointed, and presented to their loving family for pubic or private display. Cholesterol and BHA free! New and Improved! Be the First!
minoradjustments, May 08 2023

The smoked corpses of Aseki https://www.bbc.com...f-the-ancient-world
[a1, May 09 2023]


       Can you guarantee I'll eventually be eaten by crows? Can you set me up with a cigar in my hand with a heavy cigar smoke smell?
Voice, May 08 2023

       [Voice] What size Cohiba? Crows are extra.
minoradjustments, May 16 2023

       [A1] Aseki, Ashmeki. These poor Papuan examples of smoke-embalming look so sad and forlorn, positively grotesque. We would never accept such a result. At Smoke-Yo-Ass we exemplify the best of life in death. Pose, clothing, and appointments are tailored to the client in ways the Aseki, cannibals and savages, could not imagine. Our clients do not end up covered in red mud with gawking tourists oohing and ahhing. They forever preside over their chosen milieu, public or private, inspiring awe (and not a little healthy disgust). It's for those who want to end up crispy, not soupy.
minoradjustments, May 16 2023

       How are you going to get rid of my cholesterol without desecrating me?
Voice, May 17 2023


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