Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Smokers Duck-billed Hat(ypus)

Sorry about the title
  [vote for,

(NB: For the health, smoking cigarettes could not be worse,
So to soften the blow I'll present this in verse)

A friend of mine, Bernhard, a hard-smoking lad,
Recently told me a problem he had,
When drunk or recovering he often finds,
A shower or ciggy refreshes the mind.

For restoring the fibres there's no better thing,
For grey dawning mornings when lacking in zing.
For Bernhard there's simply no better solution,
Than water and baccy for morning confusion.

But the two put together is not a good mixture,
And led him to think up a head-mounted fixture.
Resembling a duck's bill and strapped round the nut,
It prevents you from wetting your dog end or butt.

The water cascades down the bill's curving rim,
And stops soap and water from trickling in.
The headband, of course, has adjustable sizes,
Like those things for kids which stop soap-in-the-eyeses.

The hair remains free to assist with shampooing,
Or rinsing or dyeing, whatever you're doing.
So, when hurried or craving just ignore the laughter,
Strap on your duck's bill (you can wash your face after).

squeak, Aug 19 2004

Smoke-in-a-bag http://www.1-seedba.../volcano-vaporiser/
All the fun of smoking, but stupider looking [eulachon, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       Ha! nice one [squeak] have a smokey dry bun.
skinflaps, Aug 19 2004

       sounds like the guy needs a nicotine IV in the shower.   

       Where do you hold the cig when your not smoking it? right in fornt of your face? So the smoke can collect under the bill and make you choke? Sounds fishy to me.
daseva, Aug 19 2004

       [Spinster], ciggy to be held in mouth at all times with eyes screwed up. This product only recommended for hardened smokers.
squeak, Aug 19 2004

       Has anyone ever experimented with saving the smoke for a later time? A little machine that slowly draws smoke from the cigarette, and deposits it in a balloon or bag. When taking a shower, grab a balloon, hook it up to a hose, and inhale all the same smoke that you would've but without burning a cigarette in the shower.   

       My big question is, would the smoke condense on the balloon/bag wall?
destructionism, Aug 19 2004

       A bun this deserves for the verse therein,
And not to praise the title would be an absolute sin,
However I must point out to one and to all,
Smoking cigarettes in the wet or the dry,
Will lead to a great fall
scubadooper, Aug 19 2004

       [scubadooper] cannot count time,
He has far too many syllables on some lines of his verse for it to possibly rhyme :)

       However he's right,
This does deserve a bun,
So I'll not be the one,
To spoil the fun,
And I'm done.

       [drops mike, leaves stage]
DocBrown, Aug 19 2004

       I'll be the first to admit,
I am no poet.

       P.S. thanks for the formatting advice [Doc]
scubadooper, Aug 19 2004

       Look at me, ma! I'm in a room(?) full of Shell Silversteins!   

       Good job, gentlemen. First place winner is [squeak]--great idea (I'd want this if I was a full-time smoker) and genius composition. Honorary Mentions: [scuba] and [Doc]. [+]
Machiavelli, Aug 19 2004

       You can use br encapsulated by "<>" just like in HTML to force a line break. Happy rhyming, homes.
DocBrown, Aug 19 2004

       Good. Bun.
finflazo, Aug 19 2004

       heheh, great poem. My favorite line - "soap-in-the-eyses".   

       Destructionism, see link for bag-of-smoke(well, vapor actually). Meant for smoking more recreational substances, but i guess you could use tobacco :D
eulachon, Aug 19 2004

       The thought of a product to help one hasten one's death,   

       Well, I'm not even a smoker and I'm left short of breath.   

       If your friend's a bit foggy while he shampoos his thatch,   

       The solution, of course, is to slap on a patch.
bpilot, Aug 19 2004

       Did I just read "Duck"?   

       This must be my luck.   

       I may come from France,   

       But just give me a chance,   

       My English svcks big time   

       But I too know, à peu près,   

       how to rhyme!
django, Aug 20 2004

       You wouldn't be the same [bvw61] without the fags, but I'd rather a different [bvw61] than no [bvw61] at all. Please quit, and I hope things get better.
wagster, Aug 20 2004

       *tries to entertain [bwv61] by juggling non-smokers*   

       whoops. i can't juggle.   

       does dropping them entertain you at all?   

       no? drat. :-)
adamosity, Aug 20 2004

       Dag, everyone is having fun without me.
destructionism, Aug 20 2004

       I can't in good conscience bun an idea that promotes smoking, but I liked the prose, so I can't bone it. Neutral from me.
Freefall, Aug 20 2004

       If I understood what this duck thingy did, I'd vote.
croissantz, Aug 20 2004

       [Croissantz], it's rather tricky to visualise
But just heed the words of ol' [Spirutalized]

       I believe it to look a little like a recorder
And that the water cascades 'round the ciggy's border

       I'm probably wrong though, which would seem quite likely
Given my luck and those just like me

       Who find it quite tricky to understand these half-bakes
And attempting to do so only results in heart-break

       But as of [squeak], a bun I shall gift her
Anything to stop me from duck-arsing my bifta
spiritualized, Aug 21 2004

       So it stops exessive smoking? Great!
croissantz, Aug 22 2004

       Thanks, guys, for all your support, aw gee shucks,
It seems you would love to share showers with ducks.
And you took so much trouble with annos that rhyme,
(An excess of brains or an excess of time?).

       I'll have to tell Bernhard how much you approved,
If he's sober and standing he's sure to be moved.
He must invent more, to the best of his powers,
For practising all his bad habits in showers.

       er..alright, not all of them
squeak, Aug 23 2004

       No matter how hard I try, I just can't rhyme   

       I guess it just takes up too much of my time
destructionism, Aug 23 2004

       When you cannot rhyme with poet's aplomb   

       Just click your browser to rhymezone dot com
spiritualized, Aug 23 2004

       BUN!!! Didn't even read the idea. Title wins it alone. In fact have two buns.
etherman, Aug 24 2004


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