Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The gentle yet thorough detox.
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(+5, -2)
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We all know the perils of excessive alcohol consumption, 'to much' simply spells the end of a pleasant evening and the beginning of your horrible suffering. Sadly, once drunk there was no way to "undrink"....Until now. Say hello to Soberizer oral tablets. Similar to Jelly Beans in appearance texture and flavor these tablets contain an easily consumed blend of digestible gelatin and formulated activated charcoal compounds. Once consumed they instantly go to work absorbing and tenaciously retaining every molecule of ethanol they come in contact with. In 10 minutes or less the tablets will begin absorbing ethanol from your bloodstream reducing your effective level of intoxication. Users report reduced hangover and liver damage. As an added bonus Soberizers will also remove other dangerous hydrocarbons preserving your health and vitality.
WcW, Jan 06 2009

Product active ingredient http://www.envirosu..._a=viewCat&catId=14
See: absourbs 30 times its weight in hydrocarbons. [WcW, Jan 06 2009]

Soberfast http://www.soberfast.com/
Well baked [mylodon, Jan 07 2009]

Double Chaser http://www.doublechaser.com/
Packed and sold [mylodon, Jan 07 2009]

Patent: Method of altering intoxicating effects of alcohol http://patft.uspto....94249&RS=PN/4594249
[ldischler, Jan 07 2009]

Patent: Activated charcoal based composition and method for reducing hangover symptoms associated with the consumption of alcohol containing beverages http://patft.uspto....4249&RS=REF/4594249
[ldischler, Jan 07 2009]

http://www.reddit.c...l_dehydrogenase_in/ interesting discussion about using alcohol dehydrogenase as a means of getting sober [xaviergisz, Jan 25 2012]

Psychic Inuit http://inconduit.co...killing_people.html
she leaned in a bit and told me, slowly, that she could see through people [normzone, Jan 25 2012]


       This is great apart from it's not working. Activated charcoal won't get into your bloodstream, which is just as well because it would probably kill you in less time than it takes to say "Gosh - the activated charcoal appears to have got into my bl".   

       At best, it might bind the ethanol in your stomach and stop you from getting any drunker. er.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 06 2009

       actually you're wrong about that. Ethanol in your bloodstream will move into the contents of your stomach which is why eating will help sober you. In addition A. Charcoal is already used by doctors to remove toxic hydrocarbons from the bloodstream. Ethanol levels eventually equalize into every part of the body including urine that has already been sequestered in the bladder and the fluid in the inner ear causing vertigo. Adding food to your stomach does reduce your BAC.
WcW, Jan 06 2009

       Hmmm. Well, I concede and doff my proverbial cap to you. I know you can get charcoal biscuits for dogs, so worth keeping some on hand.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 06 2009

       I'm sure there's a reason why no such product exists but it's not because it wouldn't work at all. Oral activated carbon is frequently proscribed to reduce the toxicity of exposure to hydrocarbons.
WcW, Jan 06 2009

       Presumably, sufficient charcoal to mop up a couple of hundred ml of ethanol will also pull many other compounds out of your bloodstream? Including a few that you might want to leave there?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 06 2009

       i don't think it's water soluble. There is pharmaceutical grade Act. Car. and it would only take 20g to absorb that volume of etOH. You would need to eat a handful of these but that seems like a breeze compared with having a hangover or consuming many of the hangover cures out there.
WcW, Jan 06 2009

       It might make more sense to eat these *before* you're drunk.
Spacecoyote, Jan 07 2009

       Eating activated carbon is okay and I'm trying to remember what it's used for, but I think if that actually worked it would've be a standard over-the-counter hangover cure for millenia.   

       There's a "shitting bricks" punchline in there somewhere too.
FlyingToaster, Jan 07 2009

       I do not think eating or drinking can sober you after the alcohol is already in your blood, except to the extent that your total volume of distribution for alcohol increases by the volume of hydrophilic stuff you eat. A post hoc meal of charcoal or chicken would at most contain the same % alcohol as blood.   

       Eating and drinking at the same can slow absorbtion of alcohol, because the alcohol is relatively concentrated in the food (compared to its ultimate concentration in the blood) and is absorbed more slowly. Eating charcoal while you drink might slow absorption more than is the case for food, I suppose.   

       Maybe you could mix the charcoal in the drink. Activated charcoal comes in a sorbitol slurry so is very sweet. The drink would be impressively black. WcW, in deference to your original concept, I invite you to flesh out and beta test this new cocktail, which I will tenatively name the Charc Attack. Please post video. Remember to stick out your tongue.
bungston, Jan 07 2009

       [Bung] I'm not sure, but I wouldn't rule out the possibility of this working, on reflection. Activated charcoal binds many small organic molecules tightly. Typically, it's used to pull undesirable substances out of solution, with the net result that the final "concentration" of the substance in the charcoal is far higher than in the bulk phase. So, if you could homogenize your body and stir in a few grams of charcoal, it might well absorb a significant proportion of the ethanol.   

       I'm still not certain that ethanol can diffuse freely from the blood back into the gut to be mopped up by the charcoal, but I guess it's quite likely since it's a small molecule. I'm also not sure that other, desirable small molecules wouldn't be mopped up along with the ethanol, if you ate enough charcoal to dealcoholize your body.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 07 2009

       // it would've be a standard over-the-counter hangover cure //   

       It is an over the counter hangover 'cure' that you can buy at most pharmacies with various names... maybe just in the states? I thought this existed in England as well.   

       This is very well baked? Unless there's something unique in the idea that I missed.
mylodon, Jan 07 2009

       apparently, unsurprisingly, it doesn't work. My apologies friends somebody beat me to this goldmine of a non-functional product.
WcW, Jan 07 2009

       //Similar to Jelly Beans in appearance texture and flavor these tablets contain an easily consumed blend of digestible gelatin and formulated activated charcoal compounds. Once consumed they instantly go to work absorbing and tenaciously retaining every molecule of ethanol they come in contact with.//   

       Sorry to hear it didn't work, but was none too surprised. BAC is blood alcahol level/content. You could shove a preverbiale "black hole" down someone's throat, and will still not extract more than the cube law of ethanol. That's all that ever gets there anyways.   

       Activated carbon is not as selective as you presume. It will quite willingly absorb any complex molecule you throw at it. And several that you don't want to throw at it.   

       Given that by the time you're pissed and you have the molecular suction mechanism, that could not work , and also does a good job a restricting corrective behaviours. Best practise dictates, don't drink... and survive...
4whom, Jan 07 2009

       A few friends of mine follow the popular myth where, following a long night of drinking, you can help (defeat) the hangover with blackened unbuttered toast in the morning.   

       Certainly antacids help upset and nauseous stomachs? If charcoal is similar to an antacid, maybe it helps improve the situation, if not soberize you technically speaking. A hangover with no nausea, is much better then a hangover with nausea.
mylodon, Jan 08 2009

       Just a few points:   

       Ethanol is not a hydrocarbon, it's an alcohol. Its molecular properties are fairly similar to those of water, although it's less polar. For that reason, ethanol is not selectively absorbed by activated carbon - to the contrary, activated carbon is used to remove impurities _from_ ethanol.   

       Activated carbon is usually eaten to make farts stink less. No, I'm not making that up; I asked a pharmacist once what charcoal tablets are sold for, and that's what she told me. It's also used as an antidote to some poisons.   

       <Speculation> Activated carbon may absorb some of the cogeners* in drinks that have not been carbon treated by the manufacturer, or the body's metabolic breakdown products of ethanol; which could help, as it is mainly they, rather than the ethanol itself, that cause hangover. And as [mylodon] said, removing those nasties from the digestive tract alone could reduce nausea. That might be what the dry, burned toast does. </Speculation>   

       A drug was produced in the '80s that eliminated the CNS symptoms of alcohol intoxication (i.e. it made you completely sober), without affecting the actual quantity or concentration in the body, or the toxic effects. It was not licensed, because it was considered too dangerous - it would make it much easier to drink yourself to death. (Source - technology oriented TV series "Towards 2000".)   

       * Which is precisely the claim made in the soberfast (misleading name, as it does not influence sobriety) link, which I read after posting the above.
spidermother, Jan 25 2012

       These are all very very good observations. Clearly a more polar medium would be more effective, and clearly such a medium would be harder to make selective and safe.
WcW, Jan 25 2012

       //a more polar medium would be more effective// You mean some sort of psychic Inuit?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 25 2012

       What you want, for getting sober quickly, is a souped-up liver. So the best way to sober up quickly is to drink large quantities of alcohol on a regular basis. (But you have to get the dosing right, 'cause cirrhosis has the opposite effect.)
mouseposture, Jan 25 2012

       Got it for you, [Maxwell]. (link)
normzone, Jan 25 2012

       So...crapping out ethanol-impregnated charcoal steeped in methane.   

       "Hey, watch this..."
FlyingToaster, Jan 26 2012

       So... This absorbs your drinks, allowing them to pass through your system.   

       Oh the horrors, what if you drank a flaming sambuca. The end result could be much worse than a hangover...
saedi, Jan 26 2012

       Y'all aren't helping this idea die the peaceful death it deserves.
WcW, Jan 27 2012


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