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Something for everyone

happy criminals, happy liberals, happy conservatives even happy victims.
  (+1, -9)(+1, -9)
(+1, -9)
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A master plan for prison reform

The main idea is that prison doesn't really work well for any of us. Tax payers pay too much. Prisoners are treated poorly by guards. Guards are in constant danger of attack from inmates. Victims are constantly concerned about the criminal who turned them into a victim is going to be released. In short nobody benefits.

Something for everyone.

Establish a federal reservation, sort of like we did to the indians. Except, of course, the inmates would have to stay on the reservation.

How to keep the inmates on the inside, and the rest of us on the outside.

This facility, one would do, would be a federal facility, each of the states could pay a portion of the operating expense,but the reservation would be run by the federal government. The federal government would build what ever is necessary to keep the inmates on the inside with no contact with the outside world. The guards at the reservation would not have any access to the reservation. All 'guarding' would be performed from atop a fifty or sixty foot wall and from helocopters and what ever other equipment would be necessary. The prisoners would benefit because they would net be mistreated by the guards, but they would lose their main source for drugs, the plan isn't perfect. The guards on the wall would be trained as snipers, any inmate that approached the wall would be treated as a potential escapee and shot. Actually the reservation would be just over 2,000,000 acres, so if the guard could see a prisoner, the prisoner would be shot.

Somthing for everyone. The construction contracts for a project this size would keep all the relatives of all the senators employed for years.

Location Location Location. This reservation would need to be in a remote area where there would be no utility lines, roads, houses to be disturbed. The 'Sand Hills' area in nort central Nebraska would be as good as any. The Texas panhandle and several areas in eastern Montans and Wyoming would be fine also. I just like the sand hills area. There over two million acres, a few ranches three or four roads and generally not much else.

Somethign for everyone. The ranchers would be forced to move, well the plan isn't perfect but the ranchers could be paid a very handsome amount for their ranches. Then the ranchers could get out of this God forsaken ares.

Contact between inmates and the rest of us.

There wouldn't be any. Nothing goes in, nothing goes out. A substantial part of the punishment would be isolation from the outside world. No newspapers, no radio, no letters, nothing.

Annual census

We are all aware of prisoners that were sent to prison and it latter turns out that they are not guilty. In order to allow for these situations and for statistical purposes, there would be an annual census. The first week of March each year the prisoners could, if they wanted, approach the wall at a specified location where they would be retrieved and interviewed by the guards. If during the prior year, it was determined that they were not guilty, they would not be returned to the reservation.

How to become an inmate. This would be up to each state. Some states, like Texas would send all their rapists, murders, etc while other states like New York would probably only send a couple of token inmates.

It's forever Once you are on the inside, you don't come back out, unless of course you are sprung at the annual census.

But how will they live? That will be up to them, and the bleading heart liberals that would want to provide 'meals on wheels'. They would just be in there. They could hunt, fish, grow some vegitables. The reservation would need to be stalked with hand tools and the basic necessities for raising some sheep and goats. Nothing however that requires gasoline, nothing mechanized. Working the soil and working with animals would prove to be beneficial to all concerned. While this seems adequate to me, we can always count on the liberals to want to do more, that is why we have representatives in Washington. The plan that nothing goes in and nothing goes out would probaqbly be modified a bit to allow supplying food and shelter in the really harsh times. That is the wonderful thing about this country, you can count on the pendilum swinging to both extremes. So during the winter food would be supplied via helecopter drop. There is really nothing to keep the prison management from supplying pre fabricated housing units.

More latter

fogy44, Jan 24 2001

"tropical vacation - forever!" http://www.halfbake...tion_20-_20forever!
[Monkfish, Jan 24 2001]

Escape from New York http://us.imdb.com/Title?0082340
Halfbaked. [centauri, Jan 24 2001]

Excape from L.A. http://us.imdb.com/Title?0116225
Halfbaked. [centauri, Jan 24 2001]

No Escape http://us.imdb.com/Title?0110678
Halfbaked. [centauri, Jan 24 2001]

Escape from Australia http://www.mindspri.../~careyb/intro.html
Baked (er, sorta). [centauri, Jan 24 2001]

Banishment http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/banishment
[mrthingy, Jan 24 2001]


       Soooo what's the plan?   

       --LATER-- [...ah, I see you've added a few comments after your initial first paragraph...]
iuvare, Jan 24 2001, last modified Jan 25 2001

       Uh, speaking as a liberal, this plan would not make me happy. And I don't think that preventing forced starvation at the hands of the state could really be called bleeding-heart.
francois, Jan 25 2001

       And the convict society Britain set up in Australia was managed and governed by British troops and (initially) supplied by food ships from Britain. Life, I'm sure would have been tougher and more like an extreme version of 'Lord of the Flies' had the convicts been left to their own devices.
hippo, Jan 25 2001

       Like others, I'm not able to understand the part of this Boristopian scheme where everyone gets to be happy. Is there another forthcoming update which adds a plan to spike the world's fresh water supply with antidepressants and amphetamines?   

       I do like the part which confirms that the reservation would be "stalked with hand tools", though.
Monkfish, Jan 25 2001

       I like the idea of an island penal colony with a mined harbor (to keep possible rescue attempts away), but it still begs the questtion, 'how does this benefit anybody?' These criminals don't end up paying their debt to society. They are just removed from from society.   

       At least make it beneficial to the tax payers in the form of entertainment. Using this approach taxpayers could watch televisied ongoings of the island and every week could 'vote' somebody off the island (al a 'survivor) and that person will be executed by the President (who has lots of practice in these things)   

       For those criminals who are working on being rehabilitated, there could also be a vote on who to spring from prison and why.
RobGraham, Jan 25 2001

       With Rob's point about criminals paying their debt to society in mind, it's hard to think of a situation where any prisoner would be happy while being punished for their crimes, since part of the penalization process comes from a forfeiture of one's rights: a widely considered requirement for happiness.   

       Out of respect for the victims, I don't want happy criminals.
iuvare, Jan 25 2001

       Next please...
DrBob, Feb 22 2001


       see: siberia
efarns, Apr 28 2002

       Could we then do a 'Survivor: New Jersey' series?   

       <sidenote>I'm going off to Siberia this summer. Voluntarily. And paying to go...
RayfordSteele, Apr 28 2002

       George Carlin had a /very/ similar rant-- only using the US's four rectangular states.
watermelancholy, Jul 27 2002


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