Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Spoiler Man

"Just thought you'd like to know... The butler did it."
  (+30, -2)(+30, -2)(+30, -2)
(+30, -2)
  [vote for,

Spoiler man stores a huge amount of information in his brain, and knows the plot details/endings to almost every film and book. For a small fee (well that's actually a lie, the fee would be huge) Spoiler Man will follow his target around, spoiling the endings to any film or book they are viewing.

Ask him to follow your ex around, and when they sit, engrossed in the latest thriller, on a crowded tube train, Spoiler Man will get himself a seat next to his target and remark, at a suitable point, "too bad he/she dies at the end" or "I would never have guessed that it was all the ambassador's fault". Films would be even easier, as Spoiler Man simply takes the seat behind his target, leans forward and reveals the entire plot of the film as if talking to a friend, quietly leaving the cinema before the target has realised what is going on.

Teacher, boss, angry lover - Spoiler Man will make your enemies' lives hell, for as long as you want the torture to continue - or until the police slap a restraining order on his head.

Mr Phase, Mar 02 2006


       + I want to get paid for watching films and reading books, but can’t be arsed to formulate a real opinion about them afterward. My CV is on its way to you, Mr Phase ;)
spiritualized, Mar 02 2006

       I can't really think of anyone I hate enough to do this too, but when I do I'll let you know...
Mr Phase, Mar 02 2006

hidden truths, Mar 03 2006

       [+] for a lesser fee, with perhaps nearly the same effect, he can do very little research, and still spoil it by making guesses. The victim probably would believe him and get sour the same.
sophocles, Mar 03 2006

       I think this is baked. I don't know who hired her, but she ruins every movie I watch.
Pac-man, Mar 03 2006

       In the olden days they called them prophets. Most of them were jailed for long periods or killed in action.
pashute, Mar 03 2006

       When I was 17 our school had an evening screening of a movie about a vietnam veteran who takes over a nuclear submarine. In Hebrew its called "Target: The President". At the entrance to the movie there was this big 12th grader who told us: "In the end they kill the president !". When leaving the movie, he was standing outside the entrance, and said: "They shot the president!". We were all real angry at him for spoiling the movie, but he said: "No! It was on the news! They shot President Reagan!" Someone bet him a box of Coka-Cola, and we all joined in, and went together to the TV room... He won big money that evening.
pashute, Mar 03 2006

       Does Spoiler Man have any relationship with Carlos Fandango?
Ling, Mar 03 2006

       You know, of course, that Spoiler Man goes insane and kills himself.
baconbrain, Mar 03 2006

       Although by knowing the ending to his own life, and therefore being able to avoid it, Spoiler Man is cursed with immortality. He will continue through time, pissing people off and generally being a complete arse.
Mr Phase, Mar 03 2006

       great idea, know people who i would definately use this on. can he make them commit suicide?
mistro, Mar 05 2006

       // He will continue through time, pissing people off and generally being a complete arse. // Reminds of something out of Red Dwarf
spiritualized, Mar 05 2006

       [Alien suddenly arrives in spaceship]
Alien: “You’re a jerk, Dent”
Arthur: “Whh…?”
Alien: “Arthur Dent? Arthur Philip Dent?”
Arthur: “Er… Yes…”
Alien: “You’re a jerk. A complete kneebiter.”
[Alien equally suddenly departs in spaceship]
mwburden, Mar 06 2006

       [mistro] no, but they ineveitably will after Spoiler Man ruins the final ending to the Rocky films.
Mr Phase, Mar 06 2006

       BUN!! Spoilerman would make the story more fun for me. If I thought I knew the outcome I would enjoy the suspense that much more. If the story line keeps leading to the maid when I know the butler did it, I would keep thinking to myself that they changed the story only to be relieved to discover that in fact it was the butler.
Jscotty, Mar 06 2006

       Not bad.   

       36 buns. 6 bones.
Dub, Mar 06 2006

       No, that's Agrajag-the- infinitely-prolonged. He's a friend.
Dub, Mar 07 2006

       Out of interest, how does it make you feel? Would Spoiler Man have to deal with the crippling emotional dilemma of causing huge amounts of pain and misery, or would he just find it really funy?
Mr Phase, Mar 07 2006

       What [Pac-man] said. She doesn't even need to have seen it before. I think she's a witch.
wagster, Mar 07 2006

       i think this is baked, i've got 4 or 5 friends who are all Spoiler Men or Spoiler Women. But if I could get them to spoil it for other people instead, that would be cool.
carpeliam, Mar 08 2006

       //Agrajag-the- infinitely-prolonged//   

       Wowbagger the infinitely prolonged went about insulting everyone in the universe in alphabetical order. Agrajag kept being re-incarnated, only to be killed by Arthur Dent every time.
spidermother, Mar 08 2006

       "Well, there's these snakes...and they're...oh work it out for yourself."
zen_tom, Aug 21 2006

       I knew a girl who got very angry with her friend for spoiling the ending of "Titanic" when she mentioned something about the boat sinking. It was quite sad. I only wish I was making that up.
Hunter79764, Aug 22 2006

       My dad to this day refuses to watch Titanic because he "knows how it will end." Of course, in his case, nobody had to tell him how the movie would end.
ye_river_xiv, Aug 23 2006


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