Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
(Rolling in flour, halfbaking my ass off)

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Spot on bowel

Olympic bowel transit
  (+9, -2)
(+9, -2)
  [vote for,

There's a problem with bowel health in the western world. Poor diet leads to transit times of the order of days instead of the medically optimum 12 to 24 hours.

I propose a new sport.

Competitors consume a suitably indigestible marker and monitor their stools to ensure complete marker delivery within an optimum window. Marks will be awarded for maximum delivery in a single visit whilst ensuring proximity to the optimum time of 18 hours. The perfect score of 100% would correspond to complete delivery at exactly 18 hours after the consumption. Back-room committees of the sport's governing body would define suitable scoring tables combined with handy hygiene tips.

Competitors would need to maintain their bodies in tip-top condition and consume a healthy diet to ensure optimum performance. Consumption of laxatives would be inadvisable as this may cause early and frequent delivery. This would be sport accessible to all where young and old, male and female could compete on equal terms.

The question of the indigestible markers is important. For gifted amateurs, sweetcorn would be the food of choice. For Olympic competitors however, sweetcorn would be inadequate. Instead, personalised RFIDs would be employed with automated counting closets to ensure objective, faecal fairness.

Given the obvious health benefits and consequent health care savings, political support over a sustained period will ensure the necessary cultural change to make the sport a popular alternative.

Hang on, I feel a personal best coming on...

DenholmRicshaw, Aug 21 2009


       Ew, gross! [+]
kaz, Aug 21 2009

       Sympathy vote just cause I'm glad to see ya. + Purely and simply against all the rules. In fact, another + just cause you got [kaz] out too!
blissmiss, Aug 21 2009

       Thanks [blissmiss], I'm moved ;)
DenholmRicshaw, Aug 21 2009

       // I'm moved //   

       Too ..... Much ...... Information ....... EEeeewww ...
8th of 7, Aug 21 2009

       not to get too... anal... but wouldn't the longer "transit times" tend to indicate an increased amount of absorption ?
FlyingToaster, Aug 22 2009

       // increased ... absorption //   

       Good point - I'm sure the sport's governing body will have a thing or two to say about that. The guiding principle is that what goes in must come out unchanged.
DenholmRicshaw, Aug 22 2009

kaz, Aug 22 2009

       Funny, but as a sport itself wouldn't be very interesting. To win all you need to do is aim for 15 hours +/- 3 hours (not hard to do at all in my opinion)... hooold ...can he hold it? ... CAN HE HOLD IT???!!! ..... and then when 18 hours comes along give it all you've got. Skill would play minimal role at that point. Nearly every competitor would be competing for those microseconds at hour 18.
ixnaum, Aug 27 2009

       ...and then there is always performance enhancing drugs to consdider.   


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