h a l f b a k e r y
The phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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A cunning nozzle placed rectally that imparts
spin as the stool exits.
An engineering challenge indeed, since the stools are
usually not tough enough to be forced through a stiff
No, what's needed is a pliable ovipositor contraption that
grips sufficiently to allow
straight line momentum to be
transformed to angular momentum.
Toilet training will be needed to ensure a good exit speed
to impart a decent spin.
We'll probably need to make them single use, but that's
since it will guarantee a market in repeat purchases. Yes,
don't worry, they'll be bio-degradable.
Why? I hear you ask. Simply because a spinning stool will
be much more satisfying. What's more, it will surely plop
more cleanly than its wretched spin-less cousin to
As if that wasn't reason enough, spinning stools are
to penetrate, as modern Tallboys and Grand Slams in
into the deepest recesses, the bowels no less, of the
bowl. That's got to be a good thing.
Notably loud and expensive. [8th of 7, Aug 14 2019]
[calum, Aug 14 2019]
||Disturbing though this is... it might be better to spin AFTER
full exit; a rotating chute or 3 spinning "grip wheels" some
distance below the sphincter.
||I think this could be baked through the use of a
suitably modified churro machine.
||<Adds an item to "List of ideas we wish we'd never looked at" />
||With a mechanised rectal insert, egestion could be processed in any way imagined, only limited by contained power and a size for comfort. If there was a job designed for wireless charging this may be it. Little mould pressed schools of anchovy analogs?
||You would want to make sure that your urethral rifling (qv.)
runs counter to your rectal rifling, so as to avoid you being
spun like a catherine wheel, legs and arms slapping hard on
the cubicle walls.
||This device could also produce mini-tornado farts.
||Incidentally, with the right anal geometry, it should be
possible to produce vortex-ring farts, which would be useful.
||The trouble with urethral rifling is that the emitted
substance is a liquid in a non-laminar flow. Each droplet is
independent of the others and leaves the meatus with a
slight lateral velocity. Surely this will lead to a "cone of
urine". Mind you, I'm no expert.
||Vortex-ring farts - yes I can see several compelling use-cases
||Wasn't the Cone of Urine one of the horcruxes in Harry Potter
and the Philosopher's Kidney Stone?
||I vaguely - oh so vaguely - remember seeing a program on TV
which revealed that birds are rifled on the inside. IIRC to
better apply shell to the nascent egg, rather than improve
||It could be true. But perhaps not - the alternative is that I
dreamt it - perhaps after watching films about James Bond
and/or Indiana Jones.
||Sold with a suitably threaded stake this could find a secondary
market among impaling enthusiasts, assuming there is such a
thing of course.
||<whew... totally resists urge to post a reply but addressed to [skewered]... that was close>