Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Steak Trousers

The Most Sveldt (and potentially edible) Of All Pants
  (+11, -26)(+11, -26)(+11, -26)
(+11, -26)
  [vote for,

I do not wish to be rude, but having make do with black denim, polyester or corduroy for my pants makes me have a feeling of exceptional inferiority.

Were my shape to change - as it does, particularly since smoking entered my bin - then each pair of pants quite quickly and quite rightly becomes useless. But what of me?

Then, I would suggest, that we could manufacture trousers from the finest quality thin steak. We could treat it so that it was quite impervious to age - or alternatively we could ensure the genetic modification of a cattle to produce steak-trouser-meat.

I believe there'd be no shrinkage upon a rainstorm, and that it would iron so well that perhaps the iron might well in some futuredays become quite redundant.

The steak needed would be exceptionally thin but tensile - perhaps as little as 0.6 microns thin -

Most importantly, perhaps, steak trousers would be exceedingly comfortable to wear. No chafing of inner thighs; no rubbing of the midriff.

In fact, the steak might be so easy-wearing that it might not be necessary at all!

eehen, Jul 16 2000

Hats of Meat http://www.hatsofmeat.com/
"One always looks neat, in a hat made from meat." [egnor, Jul 16 2000, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Meat Dress http://www.walkerar...a/wac_ck_sl_1g.html
In Canada we had meat dresses when the Americans still thought flannel shirts were pretty neat. [Monkfish, Oct 17 2004]

Plastination http://www.med.umic...anatomy/plastinate/
Practical meat clothing? [Monkfish, Oct 17 2004]


       How about you just use the skin of the cow?
egnor, Jul 16 2000

       No chafing is good, but isn't there a flipside - the clammy "Squfchl" sound when you walk? Although that might attract the ladies I suppose.   

       And wouldn't ironing them cook the pants? Again, that could also work as a great selling point.   

       Ok, I'm convinced. I'll take ten pairs.   

       Now, where can I get a matching pork vest and hash brown sandals?
kimble, Jul 16 2000

       I don't know about attracting the ladies, but you'd certainly have a fine parade of the local wildlife following you down the street.
DrBob, Jul 17 2000

       i forgot vegetable ear-ings . . ..must dash...sory
eehen, Jul 19 2000

       I think this option already comes standard from the factory for most humans. :-)
johan, Jul 19 2000

enveekaa, Jul 22 2000

       . . . nothing like a fresh piece of meat between your thighs . . .
bigyell, Sep 01 2000

       this is the best damn idea I've ever heard of
AfroAssault, Oct 13 2000

       I don't care which part of the cow you use, as long as it requires killing the cow. After all, we humans are the best species on this planet, and those animals better not forget it. Let's keep socking it to the air and water, too. Even inanimate objects need to be shown who's boss now and then.
Ander, Oct 13 2000

       I think you'd have to do something about the maggots...Maybe they should come with insect repellant or something.
dingo, Dec 04 2000

       One of the best ideas I've ever heard, but how do we prevent dogs from fastening themselves to them?
Scotty, Mar 01 2001

       Um...Aren't you all missing something? This is called LEATHER!
gb2000, Apr 26 2002

       gb, re-read egnor's very first comment. And did you really have to bring this one back up to the top?
RayfordSteele, Apr 27 2002

       This could make an interesting entree if washed in the HOT cycle with no spin dry.
rickstix, Jan 16 2003


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