Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Sulphur Cigarette

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Take someones cigarette and empty out the tobacco, and replace it with match heads until it is almost full, then put tobacco in so it looks like a regular cigarette. When lit, it will seem like a regular cigarette, then the wonderful smell of sulphur will fill the smoker's lungs.
Amishman35, May 06 2002


       So what is this, a cruel form of artificial selection?
sadie, May 06 2002

       Reminds me, I've been meaning to propose an Other: Idiotic category.
bristolz, May 06 2002

       Take someone's cigarette and... Instant Idea - Just Add Cruelty!   

Guy Fox, May 06 2002

       Not to mention it's an old joke.
phoenix, May 06 2002

       Instead of the match heads, insert a firecracker. It's quite a show. Poisoning is so cruel, just blow them up.
dag, May 06 2002

       Just the slightest brimstone breeze, blissmiss.
Guy Fox, May 06 2002

       Didn't the CIA try to assassinate Castro with an exploding cigar?
Saruman, Aug 12 2002

       Saruman: Yes.   

       There are a couple of amusing ways to deal with those sick, evil people who pollute the world with their filthy nicotine habits.   

       1. Apply a saturated solution of an oxidising agent (potassium perchlorate works well) to a cigarette. Carefully dry the cigarette. Plant it in their pack. When it is lit, the combustion process is "somewhat accelerated". Using metal salts (strontium, copper, bismuth etc.) gives interesting clours to the flames.   

       WARNING: Only for filter cigarettes, and NEVER get the solution on the filter. Many chlorates and other oxidisers are toxic. The idea is to terrify and shock, not kill. Sadly it is still against the law in many places to maim or execute smokers.   

       2. Soak a tissue or rag in a chlorinated solvent and place in a small sealed jar. When near to a smoker, remove the lid and allow the solvent to evaporate. The heat of the burning cigarette tip breaks the solvent down into a mixture of HCl and Phosgene (Carbon Oxychloride). Oh, how they cough.   

       These methods are reccommended for persistant offenders who have been repeatedly asked not to smoke, but have ignored polite requests, large signs, the scream of the smoke alarms, and having kebab skewers hammered up their nostrils.
8th of 7, Aug 12 2002


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