Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Sweet Revenge Chocolate

Baked especially for porch pirates
 
(+2, -2)
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Having your Amazon delivery stolen from your porch is a growing problem. Having laxative or pepper-laced snacks to punish lunch bandits at work is a common tactic. I propose to combine the two.

A private baker creates tempting concoctions and packages them in realistic containers with fake company names and addresses. Printed material advertises the mouth-watering foodstuff with "Best Chocolate Ever!", "Betcha Can't Eat Just One!", "Keep 'Em For Yourself!" etc. Your choice of additives are baked in to inconvenience and disturb the thief.

The container would be just small enough to fit in the fridge in case the local pirate misses your porch today; you can put it inside and set it out before leaving for work tomorrow.

whatrock, Nov 16 2021

Perfectly safe for work https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Booby
[pertinax, Nov 22 2021]

[link]






       Firstly I can't find any entity that will bake my choice of ingredients into a food, label it incorrectly and ship it to me.   

       Second, whatever I order and get shipped to my porch is mine. If a thief steals and gets sick from a stolen item that's their fault. The obvious solution to avoiding such nasty culinary surprises is NOT TO STEAL. Making the world safe for thieves is stupid.
whatrock, Nov 16 2021
  

       Hmm… Attention Mark Rober… add to Glitter Bomb 4.0…
RayfordSteele, Nov 16 2021
  

       Empties were starting to pile up here and I was storing them in a section of the mall and didn't have keys for the locks yet.
We have to empty liquids and separate non-refundable crap which sucks and the 14 bags I got ready to take in all took a walk in the middle of the night. So I figured it only right that if they wanted the empties they should also take the liquids those bags contained as well as whatever other garbage I had to remove suspended above their heads in a five gallon bucket with a bag of flour set to upend after the dousing when the door opened far enough to get a full bag of cans out. Then the firecrackers were primed to go off and a motion activated video camera set up to phone me when activated and record the fiasco.
  

       They never returned before I got the locks changed and I was very disappointed.   

       Someone thinks you're a boobie.
Voice, Nov 22 2021
  

       Can't see why, neither [2fries] nor myself have such bodily appendages.
whatrock, Nov 22 2021
  

       But either one of you might be a funny- looking blue- footed seabird. For all we know.
pertinax, Nov 22 2021
  

       Have you ever tried trapping one without laxatives or pepper-laced snacks?
pocmloc, Nov 22 2021
  

       //Nope. I have added hot pepper to bird seed though//   

       Your own experiment? Or something you heard about?   

       If the former then kudos! That's completely left-field.   
      
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