Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
I CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?

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Table football but with sausages

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Exactly like table football, but with sausages on the sticks, instead of those little men.

Table heated from underneath by propane burners, team A scores a goal and the heat on team B's side is turned up.

First side to be well done get eaten.

Proposed first match, Cumberland vs Lincolnshire.

not_morrison_rm, Dec 08 2013

Hooman Foosball http://www.designso.../human_foosball.jpg
[theircompetitor, Dec 09 2013]

world's largest sausage.. http://www.atlasobs...d-s-largest-sausage
...won't work on here as automatically offside in any position, [not_morrison_rm, Dec 09 2013]

[link]






       Definitely has potential if there is a vegie sausage version Here's one of my rare croissants to wrap around one of those dogs. [+]
xenzag, Dec 08 2013
  

       What do you use for the ball?
pocmloc, Dec 08 2013
  

       A meatball, of course. +
blissmiss, Dec 08 2013
  

       //has potential if there is a vegie sausage version//   

       Why do vegetarians have this obsession with creating insipid simulacra of all things meaty and tasty?   

       But, obviously, [+] for the idea.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 08 2013
  

       In fairness, sausages are a convenient method of stowing meat and other flavourings/fillings into a smallish package to be cooked and eaten all together - there's no reason for veggies to not see this technology and apply it to their own plant-based foodstuffs.   

       On the other hand, 'veggie-bacon' is something I have no time for.
TomP, Dec 08 2013
  

       // 'veggie-bacon' is something I have no time for.// Ah, now I have to differ with you on that one, [TomP]. The important thing is not to slice them too thin.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 08 2013
  

       Come now [21] - whilst I agree with the sentiment, that there analogy is quite the stretch.   

       [+]'s for [Max] for using the term simulacra.
Custardguts, Dec 09 2013
  

       I don't actually bother to eat meat-like substances because I consider it silly.
nineteenthly, Dec 09 2013
  

       I find it hypocritical to troll the halfbakery but claim not to be trolling -- it's like, well, what someone said, only more so.   

       I only object to simulacra of meat foods if they're done badly.
sninctown, Dec 09 2013
  

       //hypocritical to troll the halfbakery but claim not to be trolling// I never claimed I wasn't trolling.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 09 2013
  

       //Why do vegetarians have this obsession with creating insipid simulacra of all things meaty and tasty?//   

       Why the reason is obvious. It’s to wind up those meat-eaters who have an unreasonable fascination about what vegetarians choose to eat.
pocmloc, Dec 09 2013
  

       Offside!
not_morrison_rm, Dec 09 2013
  

       [+] Mustard cups on the side?
xandram, Dec 09 2013
  

       This could be interesting with real people, controller by other human players via remote control
theircompetitor, Dec 09 2013
  

       //tried very hard to make meat difficult to obtain for those who enjoy it//
Setting aside the veracity of these claims for a moment to explore how successful vegetarians have been in reducing the free availability of meat in your area.
calum, Dec 09 2013
  

       //eating something plant-based that looks, smells, and tastes just like meat is perfectly acceptable.// One word. Jelly babies.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 09 2013
  

       Anyway, I am not sure I can fully support the implied segregationalist cantera policy w.r.t. team selection. I think that the snorkerball teams should, like teams in Serie A or the Premiership, be able to field players from outwith their catchment areas, though I do realise that the rigidity of team structure might lead some teams to deploy a saddeningly Martin O'Neillian "buy in four big wursts from Bavaria to hold the back line" policy, the technical prowess of the chipolatan trequartista Bangera left languishing in the unfashionable fringe leagues.
calum, Dec 09 2013
  

       Will there be a Christmas version, with bacon-wrapped chipolatas ? Doubleplusgood ...
8th of 7, Dec 09 2013
  

       I didn't make the connection to "foosball" until [tc]'s link. Now it makes more sense, although it makes me believe there won't be any out-of-bounds space for my soba noodles to go tailgating while waiting for a loserwurst.   

       But - won't the winner dogs get eaten as well? What else would you do with them? - they're probably half cooked, which would put them at a severe disadvantage starting a new match against fresh sausages.
lurch, Dec 09 2013
  

       For "player" transgressions, the offender may be doused in (yellow) mustard. For a second offence, or very serious incident, the "player" may be covered in ketchup or chutney for a short period before being devoured by the opposition humans.
bs0u0155, Dec 09 2013
  

       Hmm, ok, I change this slightly, the winning team get to have new sausages, for the next round.   

       I think a suitable penalty for a player during the match would be their sausage gets replaced by a chipolata.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 09 2013
  

       It's a great idea, but I think we all know that the Germans will inevitably dominate the league...
Alterother, Dec 09 2013
  

       //the Germans will inevitably dominate the league..//   

       Salami.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 09 2013
  

       Yes, but the inertia will slow them down against the more agile footwork of the more traditional banger, no exoskeletons allowed. Also the larger the sausage, the more likely to go off-side.   

       Posted link of worlds largest, and (by now) the most off sausage in the world.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 09 2013
  

       cooked porcine muscle [+]
Voice, Dec 10 2013
  

       I think the Spanish are in with chance, Chorizo is sizeable, and extraordinarily tough.
bs0u0155, Dec 10 2013
  

       //Personally, I prefer my meat medium-rare so I would likely have shorter matches.//   

       Even for sausages? I like my meat on the rare side too, but a sausage with an uncooked middle just seems kinda gross.   

       As for the idea, it seems horrendously unsanitary and sort of disrespectful of food, but I'm not going to be the first to draw blood so [ ].
ytk, Dec 10 2013
  

       //horrendously unsanitary and sort of disrespectful of food,   

       Aha, you've never eaten British cheap meat products...
not_morrison_rm, Dec 10 2013
  
      
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