Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
This would work fine, except in terms of success.

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The Equalizer

For when you've got a tiny dingle, but you need to fill a hoo-ha.
  (+2, -1)
(+2, -1)
  [vote for,

In serious sexual discussion, one should always use proper genital terms. I will, instead, be using the most childish euphemisms possible.

The average length of a man's doodle, if we generalize, is usually agreed to be ~5 inches, which also generally is the average depth of a female's vajingo. Certain men fall below this average, and that is the disparity the Equalizer seeks to address.

It resembles a strap-on dingus of slightly larger than average length and girth, but where the base of a normal dildo would have perhaps a set of fake jingle bells, this has has a silicone cooter specifically fashioned to accommodate a smaller-than-average tallywhacker.

A male can enter the Equalizer and strap it onto himself, and then go to town on his partner. The partner gets to feel the force of a big weenie, while the male receives simultaneous sexual stimulation from the faux fanny. Alternately, the receiving partner can insert and then strap the dildo to themselves in a reverse fashion, followed by the male entering the Equalizer, if preferable.

In closing: ding-dong, puddin' pop, pork stick, twinkie, clam, happy-hole, finger-warmer, cave of wonders.

notmarkflynn, Apr 13 2012


UnaBubba, Apr 13 2012

       Feel free to speculate about my sex life, by the way.
notmarkflynn, Apr 13 2012

UnaBubba, Apr 13 2012

       Fleshrite, not so ronrey any more!
4whom, Apr 13 2012

       Ah, but it's like not thinking about pink elephants [Bubba], it's inevitable. I actually thought about this after my friend related a pretty unsatisfying experience she had with an otherwise fairly nice date.   

       [4whom] yes, it's pretty much just a fleshlight/onahole crossed with a strap-op. The male/female equivalent to a double-ended dildo. I've read about people with small penises using strap-ons before, and even positioning it so that a women can be double-penetrated by both the real deal and the fake snake at once, but I haven't seen anything like the Equalizer, designed to replicate the standard feel for sex for both parties simultaneously without the need for possibly undesirable anal play in male/female couples.
notmarkflynn, Apr 13 2012

       I have seen exactly this product. It exists. I'm not looking for a link.
DIYMatt, Apr 13 2012

       Might as well put a dude with a bigger johnson between yourself and your mate.   

       That way you don't need to have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reacharound.
rcarty, Apr 13 2012

       <faux Jesse Ventura> The Equalizer! Strap this on your dick and you can be a goddamned sexual tyrannosaurus. Just like me! </fJV>
DrBob, Apr 13 2012

       [rcarty]‘s solution has the added advantage of working just as well in reverse, i.e. a man with a MASSIVE COCK and a woman with a tight cunt can use the services of a wee-willy’d flabbyarse inbetween.
pocmloc, Apr 13 2012

       ^^^ I see potential for a new section on Craigslist!
DIYMatt, Apr 14 2012

       I think I should have made and sent you some soap flaovored bubble gum there [nmf].
Silicone cooter indeed.

       The devil of course will be in the detail of designing and manufacturing an Equalizer that is of use for couples with only minor genital disproportion. Failure to so do will result in marketability to men who (a) have small boabs and (b) are in a sexual relationship with Joan Crawford.   

       rcarty's solution is best, not just because it will stimulate growth in the service sector.
calum, Apr 14 2012

       Speaking of the services industry. There was a program to assist handicapped, or otherwise disadvantaged, individuals with err gratifications. Given my altruistic bent, I immediately signed up. I gave up after a week. Those wheelchairs are harder to master than they look.
4whom, Apr 14 2012


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