h a l f b a k e r y
Free set of rusty screwdrivers if you order now.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
Gather 'round, my good friends, and I will tell you the sad tale of
the grapefruit spoon.
It's a compromise, that's the real issue. As a knife, it serves well
slice the succulent flesh of that most sublime yet treacherous of
citrus fruits, the grapefruit, but doesn't really meet the standard
anywhere else. As a spoon, it is too flat and shallow to be a
suitable conveyance for a single carefully extracted wedge of
grapefruit, as the user's anticipatory trembling will inevitably
the spoon to wobble and the top-heavy load to tip, with nothing
arrest its tragic capsize. As a rhinoceros, it is an utter failure.
Thus, Alterorder Inc. is proud to announce: the Grapefruit
By replacing the standard fixed handle of the grapefuit spoon
cantilevered mechanism bastardized from the common eyelash
curler, a hooked lever similar in all respects but scale to that of
cant hook (or cant dog) can be installed opposed to the bowl of
spoon. By squeezing the handle, the user can open the jaw to
desired position, whether fully retracted during the cutting
or just wide enough to delicately pluck a painstakingly-
severed wedge of fruit from the rind and deliver said tasty
to the mouth.
The Grapefruit Grabber! Order yours today!*
*rhinoceros not included
The grapefruit spoon [Alterother, Oct 15 2011]
The eyelash curler [Alterother, Oct 15 2011]
The cant dog [Alterother, Oct 15 2011]
The grapefruit, o holiest of holies [Alterother, Oct 16 2011]
We use this to free the parts from the shell and then use ordinary spoon
[zeno, Oct 16 2011]
||Blessings be upon you. [+]
||You mean, a grape tastes nothing like a grapefruit.
Let us not forget order of precedence. [+]
(EDIT for 21Q: look up the definition of "precedence",
not the history of the grapefruit name.)
||Citrus Paradisi Grabber. Now that's a great title for a
little ol' idea.
||Carpe Citrus Paradisi. Thanks for the new summary line,
||as a rhinoceros, it is an utter failure - [marked-for-
||// Let us not forget our history. //
||Excuse us, but the use of the First Person Plural is reserved for
Royalty and Aggessive Collective Cybernetic Hegemonising
Swarms, and you are neither; not the former, certainly, and you
are definitely not one of us, although we suspect you may well
be one of Them.
||Don't fret. Neither is permitted the Hortatory
Subjunctive, so no ambiguity there.
||Thank you for a delightfully entertaining non-sequitor.
||Note to other Halbakers: it doesn't make any sense when
read backwards, nor is it Latin, backwards Latin, or Moose
Latin. It may be a complicated multi-lingual anagram.
T.G.F.J. is still chewing on that one.
||(We thought you might like to know.)
||A halfbaker publishes a dating help guide? Whoa...