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The Order of The AntiPhelpian Guard

  [vote for,

Employ antipicketers (I'm betting the Society for Creative Anachronism and other medieval reenactment groups would be intrigued by the offer) in a standard military line formation with mirrored tower shields, possibly in Roman Legionaries' uniforms, to form an unbroken visual barricade between military funerals and antimilitary protesters who make an effort to ruin the experience for all the visitors. All the hateful protestors are going to see is themselves and the hate they're spewing, and the funeral-goers wont see 'em at all.

A slight change in local law limiting the legal maximum raised height of protestors' signs to the exact same height as the tower shields will ensure that all the antipicketers have to do is stand in their formation holding their shields to prevent the message of hate from being delivered to its intended recipients.

Inspired by the controversy surrounding the followers of Fred Phelps.

21 Quest, Jun 03 2011


       I think we should find a way to 'improve' their Sunday service. I wonder what the folks at Improv Everywhere could come up with.
RayfordSteele, Jun 03 2011

       Why go to the effort of wearing historical uniforms? Modern riot shields would do the job just as well. They could even be made in a lighter, cheaper material since they wouldn't need to actually be anything-proof.
Alx_xlA, Jun 03 2011

       Well the uniforms were more of an affectation than a real requirement. The idea behind that was to make the shield bearers drive the point home about the respect and tradition that should rightfully be shown at a military funeral.
21 Quest, Jun 03 2011

       CS gas. Make the demonstrators as sad as the mourners.
FlyingToaster, Jun 03 2011

       You've omitted the obvious use of the massed mirrors as a solar death ray. Probably for the best.

       Similarly, in my city, a small group of fundamental Christians has been aggressively picketting events that they disagree with. Apparently, the legal system has found against them on occasion, because although they have a right to freedom of speech, they are abusing the rights of others by shouting over them and so forth. They have continued their activities regardless. Bring on the mirrors, I say [+].
spidermother, Jun 04 2011

       can someone tell me why these people would show up at the funeral of a young girl?
po, Jun 04 2011

       I would support anything to keep these vile people out of the path. [+]
Grogster, Jun 04 2011

       I think what they are saying is god, who is a homophobe, doesn't want to lower his ''noodly appendage" down into America because he doesn't want gays to touch it, but without his noodly appendage there to nudge good people miraculously out of harms way little girls get shot, so they are protesting against gays at the funeral because gays scared away gods noodly appendage long enough for something bad to happen.
rcarty, Jun 04 2011

       learn something every day - I didn't realise that god had a noodly appendage.
po, Jun 04 2011

       I have provided [po] a [link] to the satirical letter sent to a Kansas school board, that first uses the term 'noodly appendage'. The main sentence can be found below.

       "But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage."
rcarty, Jun 04 2011

       too kind.
po, Jun 04 2011

       I must be guided by the noodly appendage.
rcarty, Jun 04 2011

       there's always one ...
po, Jun 04 2011

       I hate to say it, but there is a loophole in today's modern society that Phelps has cleverly identified and manipulated to his own ends.

       In a mass-media driven society, where audience size = power, if you can find some way to outrage as many people as you possibly can, you are guaranteed exposure. And through exposure, get your message across to millions and millions of people. All you need is 1 in a million, and in population sizes of 310,000,000 that's 310 followers - get each one to pay subscription fees of 1,000 a year - and you're collecting a not insubstantial amount of cash. So all you need to do next is find a message so abhorrent, so warped and so twisted, but which somehow skirts within the bounds of any local freedom of speech laws, and you're guaranteed airtime.
zen_tom, Jun 04 2011

       That's why I suggested a row of militant shield bearers. Just silently standing and blocking the abhorrence from being seen. No extra media coverage, no outrage, just stoic unyielding defense.
21 Quest, Jun 04 2011

       In assless chaps.
rcarty, Jun 05 2011

       The Patriot Guard riders more or less do this, with, admittedly american flags and motorcycle engine noise. Not ideal, but it works.
MechE, Jun 06 2011

       //assless chaps// I say! Fetch those lads some donkeys!
spidermother, Jun 06 2011

       Now there's a comment that could be seriously misunderstood ...
8th of 7, Jun 06 2011

       // Assless chaps //

       What other kind of chaps are there? If a pair of chaps included an ass, it would be a pair of pants.
Alx_xlA, Jun 06 2011

       //just stoic unyielding defense//

       Hear hear.   

       I believe the term "assless chaps" refers to the practice of wearing chaps without pants underneath.
21 Quest, Jun 06 2011

       Bun for any anti Phelps idea short of a flamethrower.
doctorremulac3, Jun 06 2011

       What ya got against flamethrowers, kid ?
8th of 7, Jun 06 2011


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