Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.

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The Pedant Club, Wimpole St.

A gentleman’s club for sticklers
  (+32, -4)(+32, -4)(+32, -4)
(+32, -4)
  [vote for,

“Evening, Winston,” said Reginald, putting his umbrella in the stand and shrugging off his overcoat.

“I presume you mean ‘*Good* evening, Winston’,” retorted Winston, “in which case you are correct.”

“Precisely. And on this fine evening I thought I might join you in a glass of port.”

“Did you just start a sentence with a conjunction?”, Winston raised an eyebrow.

“Nonono” said Reginald, hastily back-tracking. “There was a comma after ‘precisely’.”

“I further presume that you meant to join me in *drinking* a glass of port, for to join me *in* a glass of port would require a larger glass than any yet known.”

Somewhat crestfallen, Reginald approaches the bar and requests a glass of port for himself and another for his friend.

“A glass sir? Or a schooner?”

“Did I say glass? Silly me. A schooner of course.”

Winston stands and pulls out a chair for Reginald as he approaches their usual corner of the room.

“Pull up a pew and tell me how you’ve been keeping, Reg.”

“How I’ve been keeping what?”


“By all means. I should point out that you are offering me a leather wingback, not a pew.”


Several schooners later…

“What say we sally forth into Mayfair and avail ourselves of some lusty fillies?”

“Sorry Winston, but bestiality is not entirely to my taste.”

“Some ladies of the night, then?”

“They will at least be plentiful, as all ladies we encounter at this hour will be of the night.”

“Maybe some tarts then?”

“Not hungry I’m afraid…”


wagster, Sep 04 2006

How Gentlemen Serve Port http://www.cockburn...t_port_serving.html
[jurist, Sep 05 2006]

Tenzing Norgay http://en.wikipedia...wiki/Tenzing_Norgay
No, nothing to do with Hillary Clinton. [jutta, Sep 07 2006]


       your round, I believe.   

       is that wimp pole dancing?
po, Sep 04 2006

       Actually, I'm more rectangular.
normzone, Sep 04 2006

       you get no beer then...
po, Sep 04 2006

       Shouldn't that be "gentlemen's club"? Shirley, if there is only one gentleman, it is hardly a club.   

       I'll trade you this croissant for a membership.
baconbrain, Sep 04 2006

       This is the type of conversation up with which I am willing to put, along with this tasty croissant of seemless quality +
xenzag, Sep 04 2006

       is shirley a gentleman or a cross-dresser or wot?
po, Sep 04 2006

       Oh dear...   

       "It's cold out"   

       "Might I suggest that you put it back in?"   

       /rings tiny bell...   

       How does one become a member?
Azazello, Sep 04 2006

       hello m'dear. pretty cryptic but nice to see you again...
po, Sep 04 2006

       The pleasure is all mine, but pray tell, sweet Po, what is this aesthetic cipher of which you speak?
Azazello, Sep 04 2006

       I can hardly 'Barrett'. [baconbrain], you could have said, "Shearer-ly, if there is only one gentleman..."
jurist, Sep 05 2006

       As a "schooner" generally implies a large beer glass containing a pint or more of liquid (except in parts of Australia where it is considered 3/4 of a pint), I would have thought Reginald and Winston preferred a "snifter" (or any tulip-shaped glass) for their 3 ounce servings of port, unless they planned to make an evening of it. No wonder they were not hungry.
jurist, Sep 05 2006

       //“Sorry Winston, but bestiality is not entirely to my taste.”//   

       So though not entirely, it is <i>partially</i> to his taste? Creepy. Not sure I want to stick around Reginald...
DesertFox, Sep 05 2006

       Armand sat quietly in his club chair in the corner of the gentlemen's club's main parlour, savouring both the rich aroma of his Napoleon Brandy as well as the smooth burn it left on the back of his tongue. He gazed deeply into the amber liquid as he swirled it round the bowl of his glass, catching gleams of firelight. He had been listening to the conversation taking place between Reginald and Winston, though he knew it was impolite to do so, and he had been restraining himself. He did not want to cause a scene with an unseemly outburst but at last, unable to contain his pedantic rage any longer, he stood to face Reginald and Winston, whereupon he spoke.   

       "Gentlemen," he began, "I am afraid I must report your behaviour to the Sergeant-At-Arms. In the scant few minutes you have been here you have broken several rules of grammar and usage, not to mention the puns and double-entendres you have employed. And while I am doing so I shall also report myself for having eavesdropped into your conversation. There is no place in the Pedant Club for such behaviour."   

       Then he toasted the Queen, gulped down the rest of his brandy, and promptly fell face first to the floor.   

       As he helped the Sergeant-At-Arms carry Armand into the men's room, the bartender made a mental note to limit Armand's consumption to just three brandies in the future.
Canuck, Sep 05 2006

       The Pedant Club regrets to inform its members that following a lengthy investigation into the use of the word "schooner", Frederick, our bartender for the last eighteen years has been released from his duties and transported to the colonies.
wagster, Sep 05 2006

       I suspect that [wagster] may have been pulling our leg with his groceries.
Azazello, Sep 05 2006

       I have sheathed my apostrophes in favour of the traditional quotation marks. They appear messier to my eyes, but rules are rules after all.
wagster, Sep 05 2006

       //to inform it's members// - (its) !!! -   

       Mr Wagster will be assisting Frederick to scrape out the bilges, as they make their way slowly in the approximate direction of Van Diemen's Land, to take up their new home.   

       To prevent further incursions into similar language deviancies, and for the protection of other passengers, they will each be required to wear a muzzle throughout the entire journey.   

       Mr Wagster will furthermore have his typewriting instrument replaced with one the size of a matchbox, so that any more emissions of similar offensive material are illegible to the naked eye.
xenzag, Sep 05 2006

       <font size=(0.0002)> I just knew this thread would end up this way </font> <returns to scraping>
wagster, Sep 05 2006

       How ya like that Mr. Tindale? <prepares for flogging on deck>
wagster, Sep 05 2006

       And as Reg and Win sailed the waters in said glass of port, the words that could be overheard sounded something like this;   

       "Stroke it to the left!" "Alright" "No, all left, like I...hey don't stroke THAT"
sleeka, Sep 05 2006

       If I didn't know better, I might arrive at the conclusion that these aren't pendants at all, but merely people engaged in an unusually protracted round of Deliberately Misunderstand the Last Person.   

       Oh no, wait a minute <scans menu> has anyone else noticed that they're serving Fish 'n Chip's! I think they must do that on purpose.
zen_tom, Sep 05 2006

       Fission Chips? They must have stolen them from a nuclear power station. Somebody fetch the Peelers!
DrBob, Sep 05 2006

       + Around here a schooner is a 'two masted fore and aft rigged vessel'...
xandram, Sep 05 2006

       Glorious. Another fine venue to nibble on a croissant.
neilp, Sep 05 2006

       //Another fine venue to nibble on a croissant.//   

       I think you will find the seating arrangements perfectly adequate without having to utilise pastry goods as items of provisional furniture.   

       Furthermore, and in an entirely different way, I fail to understand why any building with the faculty for the hosting of meetings and events would be equipped with mandibles such that it could be seen to be engaged in the act of nibbling, of croissant's or otherwise.
zen_tom, Sep 05 2006

       Or are they pillows?   

       It turns out they are NOT. And I refuse to check again.
sleeka, Sep 05 2006

       Winston, as in Churchill? I doubt he would join. I think this is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which he would not put.   

       And you can most certainly begin a sentence with a conjunction. A recent link on 'Multiply' gave the definitive answer.
RayfordSteele, Sep 05 2006

       You change tenses pretty blithely at the Pedant Club. +
pigtails_and_ponies, Sep 07 2006

       I am always been a stickler for tenses.
wagster, Sep 07 2006

       Wasn't Tenses the name of the Sherpa who helped Hillary climb Everest for the first time? (get's ready to pack for a long voyage, in anticipation of name being wrong)
xenzag, Sep 07 2006

Azazello, Sep 07 2006

       And what did you think this club that we don't want to be quoted to out of up for?
baconbrain, Sep 08 2006

       I tried Tensing my buns but all I got was a crampon.
Canuck, Sep 08 2006

imaginality, Sep 08 2006

       Well, one must Everest sometime, and that is what necessitates the pleasant but not over-upholstered setting of the Club, of course!
Azazello, Sep 08 2006

       All these annos are terribly confusing. Can anyone summit up for me?
DrBob, Sep 08 2006

       yep, the confusion is mountain
po, Sep 08 2006

       Concierge: "Good afternoon gentlemen. You are most welcome to avail yourselves of this establishment as long as you wish and in whatever manner you see fit. However, if I may suggest to your good selves..."   

       <hands party a number of cards, embossed "The Pun Club, Pall Mall">
wagster, Sep 08 2006

       To which I responded "Kill it? But why? What has a Minjaro ever done to me?"
Canuck, Sep 09 2006

       Who's wearing the crotchless leather pants, why are they tripping, and what the heck is opening a window going to do to remedy the situation? I demand answers!
m_Al_com, Sep 09 2006

       //Kill it? But why? What has a Minjaro ever done to me?//   

       Don't try that on with me. I saw what happened to Kenny and Arny.
pertinax, Sep 09 2006

       K, too?
imaginality, Sep 09 2006

       (RIP, Sir Ed.)
imaginality, Jan 11 2008

       //As a "schooner" generally implies a large beer glass containing a pint or more of liquid (except in parts of Australia where it is considered 3/4 of a pint), I would have thought Reginald and Winston preferred a "snifter" (or any tulip-shaped glass) for their 3 ounce servings of port, unless they planned to make an evening of it.//   

       I was in a wine bar last night that served "schooners" of port (and other fortified wines). Each schooner held 12cl - 5ml less then a standard small glass of wine.   

       The club has telegrammed the colonies with respect to repatriating Frederick.
wagster, Jan 31 2008


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