Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Purchase the World Plan

An attempt to achieve world domination by purchasing every other country.
  [vote for,

One of the biggest problems with the world is that so few of its residents are American. We have tried to remedy this situation in the past through widespread immigration. However our ability to absorb foreigners and make them American cannot keep pace with the rest of the world’s ability to make new foreigners.

Recently it seems that our policy has changed to an attempt to kill all foreigners. This plan has many drawbacks, namely dead Americans, dead foreigners, high cost and again an inability to keep up with the production of new foreigners. Even if carried out succesfully this policy will result in the death of many hot Polish and Czeck women and thus cannot be allowed.

My alternative plan is to purchase each country in the world one by one. Move its citizens to America, split up the money we paid them for their country amoungst them, allow them to assimilate, and resettle their counrty with native-born Americans. Rinse and repeat. We could start with the smallest country (Nauru) and work our way up to China and India. Sure it would take a long time, but not as long as killing everyone; and we get to spare those hot Eastern European women.

Before everyone says ‘Oh the French will never sell.’ The French are businesspeople like everyone else. They recognize a good real estate deal when the see one (See: Louisana Purchase). We just need to offer them a dollar amount that makes sense.

Cranor, Dec 23 2003

No 1 son used to love this game! http://boardgamecen...com/games/risk.html
[po, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Diplomacy http://gamesbeyond....&Product_Code=AH107
Seven players, one winner. [DrCurry, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Buy the UK http://www.news.com...6%255E13762,00.html
[po, Oct 04 2004]


       I think Bill Gates has you beat on this one. That second fish is from me.
Letsbuildafort, Dec 23 2003

       Oh what a straight line that first sentence is. Cue UnaBubba in 5, 4, 3, 2....
krelnik, Dec 23 2003

       Louisana and Alaska worked out pretty well, but don't count on a winning streak. Also the hot Polish and Czech women may become unaffordable once they are American citizens.   

       It would be better if you just use your satellite to keep an eye on everything around the world and make sure local unrest doesn't escalate. Then you can always harvest hot women or cheap labor when you need them without the added expense of feeding them in between. This country already spends a lot more on welfare than on that piddly war in Italy or whatever that place is called.
kbecker, Dec 23 2003

       [cranor], here comes a reality check.   

       // One of the biggest problems with the world is that so few of its residents are American /   

       a bigger problem than poverty, disease and american imperialism? Fact : Not everyone wants to be an American.   

       // and we get to spare those hot Eastern European women // tosser.   

       Ok ... I could go on forever here, but I know that you're a idiot and I've not got sufficient time to waste on you. Please save this stuff for other websites
jonthegeologist, Dec 24 2003

       And I thought the plan was to use McDonalds, Hollywood and CNN to homogenise the world into one giant, bland, America-wanabe-land.   

       You have also missed a vital economic point. An oft quoted statistic that I can't remember in detail says that America has 5% of the world's population but consumes 95% of its resources. You can correct the numbers if they are wrong but the trend is clear. If we all become Americans then consumption would presumably equalise and (relatively speaking) the existing Americans would be a whole lot poorer. Actually I'm starting to see the up-side of this idea! No, must resist Yankee-bashing despite the temptation of this appalling idea.   

       Oh and by the way, if any of those 'hot eastern european women' ever met you and heard you express views like those above, they would undoubtedly think you are an arse. As do I.
dobtabulous, Dec 24 2003

       //One of the biggest problems with the world is that so few of its residents are American// please go away and come back again (only) when you're able to hold a sensible discussion. Imperialism didn't work the first 40 odd times, and it sure as hell isn't working now. Although, one could (I could) argue that the west is already effectively doing this by forcing less developed countries to produce goods on their behalf. Crawl back under your rock.
neilp, Dec 24 2003

       This is funny.
calum, Dec 24 2003

       I think that a few of you have failed to miss that my tongue is placed firmly in my cheek. This is a joke and I thought the first line would make that clear. All of it except for the part about Eastern European women being hot. I would never joke about that. It may still be true that I'm an "arse", but not - I feel - for the reasons stated here.   

       I mean, it's in the category "World Domination." I'm terrified of anything put in that category that might be serious.
Cranor, Dec 29 2003

       pretty risky territory for a new hber... I applaud your bravery.   

       have you ever played *Risk* ?
po, Dec 29 2003

       I prefer Diplomacy - no dice, just skill, charm and wit.
DrCurry, Dec 29 2003

       is that a game?   

       my favourite has to be hangman!
po, Dec 29 2003

       kill and harm! twit!   

po, Dec 29 2003

       A good game for an HB reunion.
DrCurry, Dec 29 2003

       What? Kill-harm? I love that gome too, po!
Letsbuildafort, Dec 29 2003

po, Dec 29 2003

       yer know, I think I missed [cranor]'s well executed joke. Hooked in I was.
jonthegeologist, Dec 30 2003

       [jonthegeoloist]. It's OK. I think there are probably plenty of Americans who DO agree with that first line, so it would be easy to think you were dealing with one of them.
Cranor, Dec 30 2003


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