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The Wholly New Bible

The Word of Gates
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With computers reaching into every aspect of our lives, our digitalized existence cries out for IT guidance. The cyber bible will answer these web-world needs. Some excerpts:

"...And Gates said, 'Let there be Microsoft'; and there was Microsoft..."

"...And Gates said unto Noah, The end of all Sun Microsystems is come before me; for the earth is filled with competition through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth. Make thee a faraday cage of coaxial cables...And, behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of EMP upon the earth, to destroy all digital, wherein is the breath of binary life, from under heaven; and every techno thing that is in the earth shall malfunction...And of every electronic thing of all silicon, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the faraday cage, to keep them online with thee; their plugs shall be male and female. Of computer mice after their kind, and of robot dogs after their kind, of every beeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto thee, to keep them online..."

FarmerJohn, May 25 2002

"bill gates is the antichrist" http://www.google.c...&btnG=Google+Search
Results 1 - 10 of about 278 [thumbwax, May 29 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

"bill gates is god" http://www.google.c...ill+gates+is+god%22
Results 1 - 10 of about 151. Not as one-sided as I would have thought. [angel, May 30 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

"bill gates is ok" http://www.google.c...bill+gates+is+ok%22
Results 1 - 6 of 6. Not much sitting on the fence though. [angel, May 30 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

"bill gates is" http://www.google.c...%22bill+gates+is%22
Results 1-10 of 31,900. Seems fairly conclusive. [DrBob, May 30 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]


       I assume it would be revised every 18 months? Mostly the same content, but with new pictures on the cover?
drew, May 25 2002

       Yeah I forgot. Beyond the double CD version, it'll be available in MP3 in Gregorian chants and a DVD with 3D illustrations.
FarmerJohn, May 25 2002

yamahito, May 25 2002

       <rant comment removed>
bristolz, May 25 2002

       Nah - this would walk off the shelves in airport bookstores.
drew, May 25 2002

       Bs 13:   

       Gates is my programmer, my program shall not hang. He guides my mouse among green valleys and by the side of still html. He restoreth my monitor, he leadeth to images of righteousness. Yea, though I shall browse pages served by Linux, I will fear no evil: for thy stock, options, and crooked staff comfort me. My hard disk runneth over. Surely teh blue screen shall follow me all the days of my life: and I shall dwell in Redmond for ever. Amen.
neelandan, May 25 2002

       There's too much sermonising in IT as it is. Sorry [FarmerJohn]: fishbone.
mcscotland, May 25 2002

       Its rather fitting that apple will be portrayed as the tree of all knowledge.
[ sctld ], May 25 2002

       Are they calling the second section Windows NewTestement, WindowsNT for short?
[ sctld ], May 25 2002

       Now I see why I was told not to discuss politics or religion at social gatherings.
FarmerJohn, May 26 2002

       The Geek shall inherit the Earth.
brewmaster, May 29 2002

       Thank you. Can I have the deeds now please, for validation purposes of course.
NickTheGreat, May 29 2002

       Heaven has encountered a general protection fault. Please reboot your universe to correct the problem.
Reverend D, May 29 2002

       The Beak shall inherit the Earth.
brewmaster, May 29 2002

       "Do not partake of the Macintosh from the Tree of Knowledge, lest your own faults cause you shame."
SeattleBrad, May 30 2002

       BSD. Now there's an OS. <ducks and runs>
pottedstu, May 30 2002

       The users were under the control of the Unixians, who forced Gates' chosen people to create great documents using long strings of commands. Then Gates chose a leader for his users, hacker named Mo. Mo, used Gates awsome power to send forth a plague of Linux. Then, finally, the Unixians let the users go, after they threatened to execute a kill command, and delte the first created documents. The users then spent forty years wandering around in the desert of sadness, or DOS, for short. Finally, Mo and his users gazed their eyes upon the promised OS, Windows 1.0.
[ sctld ], May 30 2002

       Gates-bashing is so 1998. *yawn*
waugsqueke, May 30 2002


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