Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Toilet Paper Thief

Never buy toilet paper again
(+9, -9)
  [vote for,

Stealing toilet paper is one of the cheapest* and easiest ways of obtaining toilet paper. However, toilet rolls are big and round and hard to surreptitiously smuggle out of your office or place of education.

This is where the Toilet Paper Thief comes in. Disguised as a hardback book, it attaches to the wall above or below the toilet roll dispenser. Small robot arms pull the paper out and neatly fold it into a flat form that will fit in any ring binder or briefcase. When you get home you can optionally set the TPT above your own empty toilet roll dispenser, and it will refill your TP supply. Alternatively, just use the paper in the handy flat format.

Because it is disguised as a book, the Toilet Paper Thief can be easily hidden in the library at your office or college, disguised as some uninteresting and unread tome like "Windows 3.0 Made Easy", "Advanced Tofu Manufacturing Techniques" or the Dusseldorf Yellow Pages** (in fact, in most libraries, 99% of books are never read). Anyone who is in on the secret can easily borrow it to steal a supply of toilet paper and return the book for the next thief to use.

(Apols if wrong category, but I couldn't find a "Product: Tool: For criminals" type thing.)


*or at least cheapest at the point of purchase. No liability will be accepted if you are caught, publicly exposed and known as Mr Cheap Shitty Bum for the rest of your life.

**assuming you don't live in Dusseldorf or work in a tofu factory.

kropotkin, Mar 16 2004


       If you can't afford to buy gourmet toilet paper, you probably can't afford this product.
normzone, Mar 16 2004

       I aint shittin' with no one ply, man.
yabba do yabba dabba, Mar 16 2004

       just use the backside of your left hand....:)
SystemAdmin, Mar 16 2004

       The idea of sticking such a book in a library for all to borrow is beautiful. +
aguydude, Mar 14 2006

       this can give a whole new meaning to the term 'paper jam'. besides do you really need to go to jail for that??
kristoferburrito, Mar 14 2006

       Why steal it when people are probably willing to loan/give it to you for free? If you see a janitor restocking the bathrooms in an office building you could probably bum a roll of of him. He will probably assume that you work in the building and he will give it to you no questions asked. Then make your rounds to every building in your area until you have a 2 to 3 year supply. When you go visit friends, relatives, etc., humbly ask them for a roll as you are leaving citing that you need to handle your business immediately when you get home. Surely they would rather let you take a roll of TP home with you vs. letting you utilize their restroom for the next 45 mintues.
Jscotty, May 21 2008

       Mr Cheap Shitty Bun
jaksplat, May 21 2008

       When I "Borrow a roll" I just pull the cardboard tube out of the middle. If the roll is anywhere near half full, then it will fold down to about the size of a large wallet, and fit in your back pocket.   

       - Mr. Cheap Shitty Bum
MikeD, May 22 2008

       "why's that guy wear a top hat all the time ?"
FlyingToaster, May 22 2008

       talk about taking a dump on the commons. I don't want to pay a quarter to get some TP in a public restroom. Please do not do this. Come up with a way to rip off donation boxes, steal your neighbor's cable, kipe utility power, sweet your water meter, dodge your taxes, but leave the public restrooms as nice as you found them of nicer. We are watching.
WcW, Nov 24 2008

       What, as in "spend a penny"?
nineteenthly, Nov 25 2008

       things are generally "free" so long as the price of making them "cost" on a per-usage basis is greater than the expense, perceived or material, of adding a toll. abuse of free resources increases the expense of letting them remain free. I like "free" and i don't mind paying taxes and buying products from businesses that offer me "free" things. Abusing "free" resources is a crappy way to behave and people who do it are ethically no different from shoplifters or vandals.
WcW, Nov 25 2008

       The reason is bad. But the solution is usable somewhere else. You can keep you office printer to print on a continuous sheet of paper. Just use mechanism explained above to easily print out a book. At the end of each page, it should also cut the paper. And on the other end, apply glue.   

       Caliberation will be the only problem.
kamathln, Nov 26 2008

       What about, if there's a turnstile or some other pay system, you nick a bogroll?
There's another issue. I have had IBS and used to have to go fifteen times a day. There are also other health problems out there which lead to faecal incontinence or excessive defaecation in other ways. If you have had this problem, there would have been a time when you've used up lots of toilet paper. If your condition then improves, you will proceed to use less paper. However, does that mean you shouldn't nick bogrolls? You'd still be using the same quantity of paper as you were before, and most of the time the condition wouldn't have been your fault. So, what's the difference?
nineteenthly, Nov 26 2008

       Obviously if you use it responsibly, for what it is there for, then you are in the good. I suspect that if you had walked into the room of necessity, in your moment of need, and found that someone who "needed some paper" had stolen every square and you were forced to deal with the personal consequences the "shoe" would be on the other "foot" {nineteen}.
WcW, Nov 27 2008


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