Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Toilet that never needs cleaning

Is that a new stain, or an old one?
  [vote for,

A new design with fecal spray and dried urine effects. Maybe a few spots of blood, and a greeny- brown rim just above the normal water level.

This toilet hardly flushes, and gurgles alarmingly when draining.

The benefits include never having to clean it, because who'd know the difference?

Ling, Jan 07 2019

Trump Toilet Brush https://www.ebay.co...b14e3b5b79dffb6281c
[xenzag, Jan 08 2019]

St Kilda winter heating system http://www.bbc.com/...island-in-the-world
[not_morrison_rm, Jan 09 2019]

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       So how are you going to decorate the shower?
wjt, Jan 07 2019

       Somehow I was imagining a toilet with an ablative surface, like hull antifouling paint, but yours is ever so much more creative.
whatrock, Jan 07 2019

       Vile and disgusting [+].   

       This idea may of course already exist, but it's impossible to tell.
8th of 7, Jan 07 2019

       This would be a good opportunity for you to demonstrate the effectiveness of your special tongue cleaning ability.
xenzag, Jan 07 2019

       You could simulate this by disabling your bathroom light and blocking all the windows, so that it is completely dark and you can't see whether the toilet is clean or not. This is known as "Schrödinger's toilet" - when the room is completely dark, the toilet is both clean and dirty. The quantum superposition of these states collapses when you turn the light back on, and it is revealed to be either a festering swamp of faeces, or sparklingly clean.
hippo, Jan 07 2019

       That assumes that the user has no sense of smell.
8th of 7, Jan 07 2019

       You're assuming that there's air in the room to allow smells to disperse.
hippo, Jan 07 2019

       Schroedinger obviously never owned a cat that wasn't at least comatose. Just try to put a cat inside anything it doesn't want to be in.
RayfordSteele, Jan 07 2019

       A giant sculptured poo with a comfortable place to excrete would have to have some serious Leu-cophore abilities. Especially when you can't handle what you've seen.
wjt, Jan 08 2019

       A dirty toilet is the perfect opportunity to deploy your new Trump Head cleaning brush. See link.
xenzag, Jan 08 2019

       In a sunny spot, place a large, fully-unfolded cardboard box (possibly still containing some traces of pizza or cream cake). Wait for the cat to go to sleep on it. Gently add the vial of poison and associated mechanism driven by - what was it? radioactive decay? - and fold up the sides of the box. Come on, [Rayford], show a little initiative.
pertinax, Jan 09 2019

       They need cleaning? No one told me.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 09 2019

       ^ "Born in a barn ... "
8th of 7, Jan 09 2019

       I refer to the St Kilda Beeb story link. Readers of delicate dispositions are advised to apply menthol under the nostrils and open a window or two.   


       Really sure?   

       "..The stone houses (were heated by the ) livestock – often a cow and a couple of sheep – were brought indoors ...to keep the house warm. As well as using the animals’ body heat, the St Kildans would spread the animals’ manure – along with their own waste, including both excrement and discarded bird carcasses – over the floor. By the end of the winter, the floor rose so high that visitors had to crawl through the door on their knees. Come spring, they’d dig it out and spread it on their fields: the perfect fertiliser." You don't get any more organic than that.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 09 2019

       Sounds like an upmarket version of Yates's Wine Lodge ...
8th of 7, Jan 09 2019

       Tch...we both know Yates's does at least have a wine list, any fluids in St Kilda on the other hand...
not_morrison_rm, Jan 09 2019

       ... are probably much more pleasant on the palate than the curious liquid (entirely unlike tea) which Yates's have the temerity to offer for sale under the label of "Australian Sweet Sherry".   

       As an expedient substitute for hydraulic fluid, the basis of a preparation for cleaning spoons, a de-rusting agent for supertankers, or a broad-spectrum herbicide, it might be credible. As a beverage, it isn't. It should probably be marked "NOT TO BE TAKEN INTERNALLY. RUB THE LIQUID INTO THE AFFECTED PART OF THE HORSE TWICE A DAY. WEAR GLOVES AND EYE PROTECTION".
8th of 7, Jan 09 2019

       // "Australian Sweet Sherry".   

       I gave my hobby as an Alconaut some time ago, but I could say that Australians have long memories and they might not be inclined to send the good stuff to the people whose ancestors transported them.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 09 2019

       // Australians have long memories //   

       "An Australian aristocrat is a man who can trace his ancestry back to his father ..."   

       // send the good stuff to the people whose ancestors transported them. //   

       So, Foster's lager is revenge for Britain's 19th century judicial policies ?   

       That's pretty harsh.
8th of 7, Jan 09 2019

       When I dwelt in London, I would peruse the expat mags for the Kiwi's, ZA, and Oz etc.   

       One discount telecoms company put an advert which said "If you want to get something for nothing, and that's how your ancestors got to be in Australia..."   

       How the readers must have laughed.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 09 2019

       Breaking News: New research by a Japanese team has revealed that people's long-term memories can be improved by taking a large dosage of medication.   

       But, the team have lost the formula, "Put it down right here, and now where's it gone?"   

       (Only the second paragraph is a lie)
not_morrison_rm, Jan 09 2019

       // a large dosage of medication //   

       You own, or someone else's ?   

       How long is "long term" ? Do you really want to start recalling potty training in vivid detail ? Or your life as a galley slave in the 14th century ?
8th of 7, Jan 09 2019

       //your life as a galley slave in the 14th century ?   

       I remember it vividly, I could never quite get the croutons just right.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 10 2019


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