Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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UN Sanctioned Official Firstnauts

Because polite people might go hungry
  (+6, -2)
(+6, -2)
  [vote for,

Who wants to go first?

There is something about doing things first that makes people un-comfortable. From being the first to jump out of the plane on a parachut jump, to being the first to take a biscuit from a selection provided at a friends house. Whether out of fear or politeness, no-one want want to go 'first'.

So whats the solution?

UN Sanctioned Official Firstnauts. These brave men and women are paid by the UN to be the first. To be first person to take a biscuit at the coffee morining. To be the first person to shout an obscenity at a baseball match. To be the first person to jump up over the trenches when someone digs up and re-animates Haig. Or even the simple task of turning up first at a party.

So, support Firstnauts today. 'Cause without them, you might starve.

[ sctld ], Sep 11 2002


       very nice! +1   

       please pass the sugar lumps to [ sctld ], soo kind. thank you.
po, Sep 11 2002

       perfect timing, I need a new career. I LOVE going first, first in line, first at the buffet, first off the cliff, no problem. For job security I can double as a Lastnaut, you know, bringing up the tail, eating the last cookie.
rbl, Sep 11 2002

       This must be baked. I see these people everywhere.
waugsqueke, Sep 11 2002

       I'm with waugs - these people must already exist. Otherwise nobody would be eating mushrooms or raw fish, jumping out of aeroplanes or having modern surgery ("honestly, you'll wake up").
PeterSilly, Sep 12 2002

       Isn't anybody going to say, "Bring on the virgins!"?
FarmerJohn, Sep 12 2002

       // first at the buffet //   

       Me ! ME ! I will trample infants, the elderly, the infirm or indeed anyone else in my eagerness to be first at the buffet ..... I'm reknowned for it. Also, if something has failed to "go" or is looking a bit "dodgy" then I'm usually the first out from behind the sandbbags to go and have a closer look. Mind you, that's usually a result of peer pressure (on my windpipe).
8th of 7, Sep 12 2002

       Nah! Over-doing politeness should be entered as an amendment to the Geneva Convention list of war crimes. Rather than Firstnaughts, would you should have is a 10 foot tall gorilla with blood dripping from it's fangs, armed with a bull whip and a cattle prod to force people to just bloody well get on with it!

"No, no! After you Claude."
Crack! Zap! Scream!
"OK, ok I'm eating it now. Please don't hurt me again."
DrBob, Sep 12 2002

       I thought we called these people Texans. Ever try to get on any form of Texan public transportation?
RayfordSteele, Sep 17 2002

       I didn't know they had any. All the pictures I see of Houston and Dallas are of 12-lane highways.
PeterSilly, Sep 17 2002

       //To be the first person to shout an obscenity at a baseball match//
This damn baseball refuses to ignite!
thumbwax, Sep 17 2002

       Message to all the revolving-door holders of life: *thbbbbbb!
reensure, Sep 17 2002


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