Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Urinal Landing System

Guidance when you need it most...
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(+3, -2)
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I have attended several bars where floor conditions in the toilets have been reduced those of a skating-rink...

I propose the following solution, the Urinal Landing System (ULS). This borrows heavily, if not accurately, from the Instrument Landing System used by aircraft. The device would take the form of two ultrasonic sensor-arrays located in a cross-hair pattern embedded in the porcelain. The 'angle of dangle' or glide-slope, would be determined by one array, whilst the 'Localiser' would determine which way things are swinging.

With only a cheap computer and a PhD in fluid-dynamics it would be possible to extrapolate back, providing key metrics to guide would-be 'floor sprinklers'... In conditions of poor visibility, such as a smoke-filled bar, total-inebriation, etc, the sensor array would light up during final approach, providing 'runway lights'.

In the deluxe model, a speaker could be fitted, using a voice-over from the Flight Controller in the movie Top Gun - "UP3, You're too low, Pull Up, Pull Up..."

riposte, Mar 27 2001

The Sanisette AKA the Super-Loo http://www.atkielsk...SanisetteSmall.html
This link should allow the curious to explore the subject of super-loos. [Aristotle, Mar 27 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

(?) LavNav http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/LAVNAV.htm
All the guidance you need [fridge duck, Jul 21 2005]


       An evil way to do this would be to electrify the floor ...
Aristotle, Mar 27 2001

       Indeed, I considered the wire-mesh/electification idea for lifts in appartment blocks to re-educate those who mistake them for toilets. I think the current would need to be AC, as DC current would prevent anyone leaving...
riposte, Mar 27 2001

       I like it, but I'm concerned with dismount control (i.e. how does this direct what is essentially a matter of chance: keeping the elements of the necessary "shake" at the end of one's shift, inside the urinal?)
iuvare, Mar 27 2001

       you could make uranals that completely surround the user, allow the person to go in whatever direction he/she pleases, then just step out when he/she is done. Flushing system would be very simular to uranals, excepts the water flows on all sides.   

       Could get messy, but that'd be their own fault, and it'd have no impact on the next user.
LittleBitONothing, Mar 27 2001

       ./~ Don't wizz on
The electric fence../~
-Ren & Stimpy
nick_n_uit, Mar 28 2001

       LittleBitOfNothing: We have these systems in Europe where you enter a completely stainless-steel pay toilet, do your business, leave and it washes it all down for the next customer. In one the toilet itself was a hole in the floor and the seat was a fold-down bracket - all the better for flushing anything left in the cubicle into the toilet itself.
Aristotle, Mar 28 2001

       This was a moderate example. The standard "super-loo" that can be found on the streets of most European capitals actually opens the door automatically after a given amount of time. And if someone fails to leave I believe the door shuts and the cleaning cycle begins. It is certainly not a toilet on which you would want to read a book on.
Aristotle, Mar 28 2001

       Aristotle: I knew you had self cleaning street bathrooms, but I never knew that they were as you described... I want one.. Didn't I hear a story about someone getting killed in one of those?
LittleBitONothing, Mar 28 2001

       For a link see above. The web site owner obviously is a fan - he even has pictures of an older version and one designed for disabled people.
Aristotle, Mar 28 2001

       The idea of "calling the ball" doesn't quite appeal, and I think the nominal 3 degree glideslope may be a tad shallow...
Phat WOP, Feb 09 2003


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