Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Urine targeting laser

Men only.
  (+5, -3)
(+5, -3)
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against]

When inebriated, some human males experience diffculties in directing their output into the correct receptacle.

This means that extensive and unpleasant domestic cleanup may be subsequently required (thank heaven for servants).

Alternatively, those who wish to address the problem directly may wish to invest in a personal targeting laser. Painlessly and discreetly implanted in an appropriate anatomical location, the bion-type unit emits a highly visible beam of laser light when triggered by an RF transmitter linked to the trouser zipper, allowing a more effective aim.

As a bonus, if the zipper is not returned to the closed position after a pre-set interval, pre-recorded messages are played to the wearer of the trousers such as, "It's Nice Out Today", "You're Flying At Half Mast, Old Boy", "You Have A Costume Malfuction", or "The Gate Is Open, But The Beast Is Asleep."

8th of 7, Mar 06 2010

You see? http://www.youtube....watch?v=VbOlJyYB8-k
[zeno, Mar 06 2010]

and just so's we're not sexist for_20women_20mostly
low-intensity bowl light [FlyingToaster, Mar 06 2010]

Todger Torch http://bz.pair.com/fun/todger_thingy.html
Alternative non-surgically implanted solution from [DenholmRicshaw] and beautifully illustrated by [bristolz]. [jurist, Mar 06 2010]

Todger Torch Todger_20Torch
Same idea, essentially. [phoenix, Mar 06 2010]

Halfbakery: Golden Arc of Enlightenment Golden Arc of Enlightenment
Another take on targeting assists. N.B. *Shameless* self promotion [zen_tom, Mar 10 2010]

[link]






       The beast never sleeps.
zeno, Mar 06 2010
  

       I think the trouble is that we are all aiming in the right direction, but somehow those inanimate objects move just enough to get out of the way.
Ling, Mar 06 2010
  

       [+] as long as it includes Star Wars lightsabre sounds.
FlyingToaster, Mar 06 2010
  

       "strap *that* to your ..."
po, Mar 06 2010
  

       The last bit is fine. The first bit can be avoided by getting them to sit down. Maybe lower the height of the ceiling?
nineteenthly, Mar 06 2010
  

       // getting them to sit down //   

       Sit down ? We think not. Sit down ... fall asleep ... fall off seat ... bang head on wall... chuck up. So in addition to the urine, there's now blood and vomit to be cleaned up.
8th of 7, Mar 06 2010
  

       I think I prefer [bristolz]' visualization. <link>
jurist, Mar 06 2010
  

       unless the laser compensated for bladder pressure, range, altitude, blood alcohol level..
AutoMcDonough, Mar 06 2010
  

       maybe a laser that radiates out from the urinal offering the right trajectory.
rcarty, Mar 06 2010
  

       OK then, how about squatting? The toothpaste tube approach.
nineteenthly, Mar 06 2010
  

       lol if you're that inept then just used to sitting on the can like a woman
AutoMcDonough, Mar 06 2010
  

       With practice, the ladies can aim forewards with the best of them. Plenty of photographic proof on the net - you'll have to do your own googling though, 'cos I'm not.
pocmloc, Mar 06 2010
  

       How about a down-scaled version of the system that guides the planes down onto a carrier landing?? Lasers, audio feedback, holographic projectios, etc. Now that would be a smart toilet to shame a Tokyo hotel room.
sstvp, Mar 07 2010
  

       <Obligatory Title Misunderstanding>I thought this was going to be a laser that targeted itself on urine - maybe by being tuned to the frequency of urea molecules or something. Might have been handy for the clearing up that this idea is supposed to alleviate.</OTM>
English Bob, Mar 10 2010
  

       Ah, [8th], you don't fool me. First you entice us with laser-enhanced mantackle, the next thing you know we're half-machine from head to foot and our surplus organs are on ice and en route to the highest bidder.   

       I'm on to you, my bio-mechanical friend.
BunsenHoneydew, Mar 19 2010
  

       "And we'd have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you pesky kids !"
8th of 7, Mar 19 2010
  
      
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