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Ustard
For all your cooking needs. | |
Ustard is a thick, yellow tasteless paste.
However, simply add sugar and vanilla to create lovely Custard, or add pepper and spices for a delicious Mustard.
You no longer need to fill you cupboards with BOTH Custard and Mustard, save time, space and money with Ustard.
Bustard
http://www.kenyabirds.org.uk/kori.htm
[hippo, Oct 05 2004]
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Annotation:
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Your whole methodology crumbles
to dust however when faced with a
Bustard (see link). How are you
going to get from a yellow goo to
a large flightless bird? |
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AHAHAHAHAHA. <- Sarcastic, overly loud and staccato laughter. |
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Ustard is, of course, comprised of 1 part "us" and three parts "tard". |
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//How are you going to get from a yellow goo to a large flightless bird?// |
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Haven't you ever seen the inside of an egg? |
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//You no longer need to fill you cupboards with BOTH Custard and Mustard//
... Now you need Ustard, pepper, spices, sugar, and vanilla, plus lots of bowls to mix them in. |
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But the title's so cute, you get a Oissant. |
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//How are you going to get from a yellow goo to a large flightless bird?// |
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Read on in the excellent link you provided, [hippo]. Those damn bustards *can* fly after all. |
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Kustard - same as custard, only add vodka. |
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Quustard - same as kustard, only add way more vodka. |
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Brustard Crustard - broil a bustard (Brustard (TM)), then dice, and add to ustard seasoned with broth. Add chopped vegetables, and pour mixture into a pie crust, cover with more pie crust and bake at 400 degrees until golden brown, or you just can't wait any longer. Serve with mustard flavored with quustard. |
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//... Now you need Ustard, pepper, spices, sugar, and vanilla, plus lots of bowls to mix them in.// |
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Who doesn't already have pepper, spices, sugar and vanilla and lots of bowls. |
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Lustard: friendly party with lots of slippery Ustard.
Clustard: Same as above, but invite more people. |
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// Who doesn't already have pepper, spices, sugar and vanilla and lots of bowls. // |
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The same people who don't already have mustard, presumably. |
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Add iron for a healthy Rustard. |
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Dehydrated: dustard.
Extra portion: plustard
For wimps: wusstard
Only as much as you need: justard |
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Left the lid off too long: crustard
You just know it's going to be good: trustard |
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This idea is a keeper. I regret that
I only have but one croissant to
give to it. |
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Sorry mike but this is theoretically improbable. Mustards ingredients dont contain spices and pepper. What is ustard made from? magic fairy dust. Not sure if i can do this, but [marked–for–deletion]. If i cant do this, then could some kind person please let me know to avoid embarrasment. :) |
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[Liam] You can do that. Tradition
dictates however that you should
usually also quote the relevant
heading
from the 'help' page - e.g. "WIBNI",
"Let's all...", "Rant", etc. |
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Everything in the 'bakery is "theoretically improbable", LTB. |
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For that matter, so is rolling a dice and getting a six. |
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For that matter, any improbable event is "theoretically improbable", since you cannot measure absolute probability by experiment. |
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Mike - as a base for Ustard, I suggest some kind of Xanthan gum / Guar gum mixture. These two humble powders are the stuff from which most condiments are made, but for God's sake, do not get them wet. I once did holiday work in a mayonnaise factory, measuring out the ingredients, and the dusty Xanthan gets into every square inch of your overalls, so that when you're hosing down the floor at the end of the day, the water splashing onto you turns the dust into goo. It's a genuinely grim sensation, wearing gooey overalls. |
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What an interesting life you've had, [friendly]. |
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This is a geniously halfbaked idea. Oissant! |
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I'd like to be able to buy this in a dual function dispenser - select custard or mustard with a turn of the nozzle. "Set phasers to custard!" Obviously it would be simplest to have two reservoirs filled with either custard or mustard, but then that wouldn't be Ustard. So you'd need a large, single Ustard reservoir and two smaller side-mounted ones containing the mixers, which are fed into the Ustard as it flows out through the nozzle. You could have a whole range of differently flavoured mixers to choose from (chocolate custard, wholegrain mustard etc), and there's no reason to limit yourself to just two mixer reservoirs - how about a bandolier affair? Or a catering version about the size of a washing machine with stainless steel tubes and big glass hoppers? |
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Obviously there's a danger that the initial splurge will contain the wrong sort of Ustard, but that's just a training issue. |
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That is a risk you'd have to take... Surely all the advantages far outweigh the odd dollop of mustard on your apple pie... |
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If this doesn't work out, will you be flustard? |
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If only I had tried custard before... I'd see the use of this idea. However, 17+ can't be wrong. |
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Aah, using the Astard. In that case, jump straight to bastard. |
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I like mine shaken . . . nustard. |
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Of course they could be clustard together into on jar with 2 openings |
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//a thick yellow tasteless paste// ?
In its pure state, it sounds like, dare I say, pustard? (You
asked for tasteless...) |
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...but you need more spices and etc, just buy two products instead of four. |
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+, but maybe the summary needs to say "For *two* of your
cooking needs," just because what if I need, say, red wine
vinegar? |
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do I have to ferment it to get this? |
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Sure, it sounds strange at first, but I bet one could get ustar it. How about roll-on butter for corn on the cob? ...or roll-on garlic for everything! |
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//...and big glass hoppers//
Would they be Chinese crickets? |
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KYstard for 'intimate dryness'. |
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Served at ex-Microsoft Employee get-togethers: Anti-Trustard |
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Robustard - for when you need a stronger condiment. |
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Fillibustard - extra large bottle. For those parties that just won't end. |
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Ustard, interesting, but i think it would be a lot of messing about for relativly little gain, i think this idea is a quite fun, but shouldn't be taken too seriously. |
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Forgot this one. Lots of wind = blustard and gustard |
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+ eat it just as it is: Thustard |
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This idea is growing on me. maybe it is because i can see you are determined to make it a success. I am a fan of both Mustard and Custard. And now would be proud to have Ustard in my cupboard. |
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If your bady is crying: fusstard |
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I meant CRAB soup. CRAB soup! |
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I dont think I'd like to actually try Ustard, but I'll give you an Oissant anyway |
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I think it has been done. It seems hydrogenated vegetable oil (or perhaps some emultion of soy bean oil) is the base of all junk food. You could just buy some crisco and soy bean oil and turn it into whatever you want including cosmetics. |
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luverly jubberly.
y is an idea as old as this 1 still bein commented on? |
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She sees it hanging 'tween his legs,
She gets down on her knees and begs,
To give it to her whilst it's hard,
And let her taste salty Ustard. |
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Use as a drunken late-night snack = Lushtard
or
If you're in a hurry, have some = Rushtard |
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Just because this deserves to be churned and I feel a wee bit malajustard. |
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God forbid my mustard and my custard ever have the same consistency. |
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Isn't this just white sauce? That flour, milk and butter mix, from which you can create many other sauces. |
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While it runs the risk of being deleted for being based on a pun, I give it what little breadstuffs are at my disposal, even if the discussion that it engendered is a little disgustard. |
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How did this get so many buns... how did *I* bun this for that matter. |
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Because the pun is excellent? |
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_ _ stard- Use alcohol to vigorously combine paste with egg and skip town. |
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