Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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For all your cooking needs.
  [vote for,

Ustard is a thick, yellow tasteless paste.

However, simply add sugar and vanilla to create lovely Custard, or add pepper and spices for a delicious Mustard.

You no longer need to fill you cupboards with BOTH Custard and Mustard, save time, space and money with Ustard.

MikeOliver, May 21 2003

Bustard http://www.kenyabirds.org.uk/kori.htm
[hippo, Oct 05 2004]


       Your whole methodology crumbles to dust however when faced with a Bustard (see link). How are you going to get from a yellow goo to a large flightless bird?
hippo, May 21 2003

       Add feathers?
MikeOliver, May 21 2003

       AHAHAHAHAHA. <- Sarcastic, overly loud and staccato laughter.   

       Ustard is, of course, comprised of 1 part "us" and three parts "tard".
phoenix, May 21 2003

       That's got me flustard.
lintkeeper2, May 21 2003

       //How are you going to get from a yellow goo to a large flightless bird?//   

       Haven't you ever seen the inside of an egg?
friendlyfire, May 21 2003

       //You no longer need to fill you cupboards with BOTH Custard and Mustard//
... Now you need Ustard, pepper, spices, sugar, and vanilla, plus lots of bowls to mix them in.

       But the title's so cute, you get a Oissant.
phundug, May 21 2003

       //How are you going to get from a yellow goo to a large flightless bird?//   

       Read on in the excellent link you provided, [hippo]. Those damn bustards *can* fly after all.   

       Ustard Recipes:   

       Kustard - same as custard, only add vodka.   

       Quustard - same as kustard, only add way more vodka.   

       Brustard Crustard - broil a bustard (Brustard (TM)), then dice, and add to ustard seasoned with broth. Add chopped vegetables, and pour mixture into a pie crust, cover with more pie crust and bake at 400 degrees until golden brown, or you just can't wait any longer. Serve with mustard flavored with quustard.
dijontoothpaste, May 21 2003

       //... Now you need Ustard, pepper, spices, sugar, and vanilla, plus lots of bowls to mix them in.//   

       Who doesn't already have pepper, spices, sugar and vanilla and lots of bowls.
MikeOliver, May 21 2003

       More recipies:

       Lustard: friendly party with lots of slippery Ustard.
Clustard: Same as above, but invite more people.
bungston, May 21 2003

       // Who doesn't already have pepper, spices, sugar and vanilla and lots of bowls. //   

       The same people who don't already have mustard, presumably.
waugsqueke, May 21 2003

       Creamy gelatin?
oatcake, May 21 2003

       Add iron for a healthy Rustard.
sartep, May 21 2003

       Dehydrated: dustard.
Extra portion: plustard
For wimps: wusstard
Only as much as you need: justard
k_sra, May 21 2003

       Left the lid off too long: crustard
You just know it's going to be good: trustard
lintkeeper2, May 21 2003

       This idea is a keeper. I regret that I only have but one croissant to give to it.
sartep, May 21 2003

       Sorry mike but this is theoretically improbable. Mustards ingredients dont contain spices and pepper. What is ustard made from? magic fairy dust. Not sure if i can do this, but [marked–for–deletion]. If i cant do this, then could some kind person please let me know to avoid embarrasment. :)
Liam The Baker, May 22 2003

       [Liam] You can do that. Tradition dictates however that you should usually also quote the relevant heading from the 'help' page - e.g. "WIBNI", "Let's all...", "Rant", etc.
hippo, May 22 2003

       Everything in the 'bakery is "theoretically improbable", LTB.   

       For that matter, so is rolling a dice and getting a six.   

       For that matter, any improbable event is "theoretically improbable", since you cannot measure absolute probability by experiment.   

       Mike - as a base for Ustard, I suggest some kind of Xanthan gum / Guar gum mixture. These two humble powders are the stuff from which most condiments are made, but for God's sake, do not get them wet. I once did holiday work in a mayonnaise factory, measuring out the ingredients, and the dusty Xanthan gets into every square inch of your overalls, so that when you're hosing down the floor at the end of the day, the water splashing onto you turns the dust into goo. It's a genuinely grim sensation, wearing gooey overalls.
friendlyfire, May 22 2003

       What an interesting life you've had, [friendly].
k_sra, May 22 2003

       This is a geniously halfbaked idea. Oissant!
Seaneeboy, May 22 2003

       I'd like to be able to buy this in a dual function dispenser - select custard or mustard with a turn of the nozzle. "Set phasers to custard!" Obviously it would be simplest to have two reservoirs filled with either custard or mustard, but then that wouldn't be Ustard. So you'd need a large, single Ustard reservoir and two smaller side-mounted ones containing the mixers, which are fed into the Ustard as it flows out through the nozzle. You could have a whole range of differently flavoured mixers to choose from (chocolate custard, wholegrain mustard etc), and there's no reason to limit yourself to just two mixer reservoirs - how about a bandolier affair? Or a catering version about the size of a washing machine with stainless steel tubes and big glass hoppers?   

       Obviously there's a danger that the initial splurge will contain the wrong sort of Ustard, but that's just a training issue.
Saveloy, May 22 2003

       That is a risk you'd have to take... Surely all the advantages far outweigh the odd dollop of mustard on your apple pie...
MikeOliver, May 22 2003

       If this doesn't work out, will you be flustard?
schwantz34, May 22 2003

       If only I had tried custard before... I'd see the use of this idea. However, 17+ can't be wrong.
Pericles, May 25 2003

       Sick and wrong!
themanwithnoname, May 27 2003

       Aah, using the Astard. In that case, jump straight to bastard.
Worldgineer, May 27 2003

       I like mine shaken . . . nustard.
phundug, May 27 2003

       Of course they could be clustard together into on jar with 2 openings
sufc, May 27 2003

       //a thick yellow tasteless paste// ? In its pure state, it sounds like, dare I say, pustard? (You asked for tasteless...)
n-pearson, Jun 27 2003

       ...but you need more spices and etc, just buy two products instead of four.
lore, Jul 17 2003

       +, but maybe the summary needs to say "For *two* of your cooking needs," just because what if I need, say, red wine vinegar?   


       do I have to ferment it to get this?   

       do I want to?
oxen crossing, Jul 17 2003

       Sure, it sounds strange at first, but I bet one could get ustar it. How about roll-on butter for corn on the cob? ...or roll-on garlic for everything!
LabRat, Jul 18 2003

       //...and big glass hoppers//

Would they be Chinese crickets?
DrBob, Jul 18 2003

       KYstard for 'intimate dryness'.
nichpo, Jul 31 2003

       Served at ex-Microsoft Employee get-togethers: Anti-Trustard   

       Robustard - for when you need a stronger condiment.   

       Fillibustard - extra large bottle. For those parties that just won't end.
hoopdy, Jul 31 2003

       Ustard, interesting, but i think it would be a lot of messing about for relativly little gain, i think this idea is a quite fun, but shouldn't be taken too seriously.
silverd, Apr 08 2004

       Forgot this one. Lots of wind = blustard and gustard
DesertFox, May 29 2004

       + eat it just as it is: Thustard
mongmaster, Jun 07 2004

       csab soup = crustard
DesertFox, Jun 07 2004

       csab soup?
MikeOliver, Jun 08 2004

       This idea is growing on me. maybe it is because i can see you are determined to make it a success. I am a fan of both Mustard and Custard. And now would be proud to have Ustard in my cupboard.
silverd, Jun 09 2004

       If your bady is crying: fusstard
GenYus, Jun 09 2004

       I meant CRAB soup. CRAB soup!   

       GenYus, what is a bady?
DesertFox, Jun 09 2004

       I dont think I'd like to actually try Ustard, but I'll give you an Oissant anyway
energy guy, Jun 09 2004

       I think it has been done. It seems hydrogenated vegetable oil (or perhaps some emultion of soy bean oil) is the base of all junk food. You could just buy some crisco and soy bean oil and turn it into whatever you want including cosmetics.
GeorgeF, Jun 09 2004

       I meant BABY. BABY!
GenYus, Jun 10 2004

       luverly jubberly. y is an idea as old as this 1 still bein commented on?
menotyou, Jun 10 2004

       She sees it hanging 'tween his legs,
She gets down on her knees and begs,
To give it to her whilst it's hard,
And let her taste salty Ustard.
bigwilly, Jun 12 2004

       Use as a drunken late-night snack = Lushtard or If you're in a hurry, have some = Rushtard
tchaikovsky, Jun 12 2004

       Just because this deserves to be churned and I feel a wee bit malajustard.   

       God forbid my mustard and my custard ever have the same consistency.
sleeka, Aug 25 2005

       Isn't this just white sauce? That flour, milk and butter mix, from which you can create many other sauces.
pooduck, Aug 25 2005

       While it runs the risk of being deleted for being based on a pun, I give it what little breadstuffs are at my disposal, even if the discussion that it engendered is a little disgustard.
land, Nov 15 2005

       How did this get so many buns... how did *I* bun this for that matter.
FlyingToaster, Jul 23 2011

       Because the pun is excellent?
nineteenthly, Jul 23 2011

       _ _ stard- Use alcohol to vigorously combine paste with egg and skip town.
rcarty, Jul 23 2011


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