Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Spread it on your toast
  (+71, -171)(+71, -171)(+71, -171)
(+71, -171)
  [vote for,

Sold in jars with descreet labelling. Texture resembles jam but is clear like hair gel except for the odd simulated pubic hair. The taste is artificially sweetened and smells relatively the same.
benfrost, May 25 2001

How many calories in the average male ejaculation? http://www.straight...lassics/a1_054.html
For Pussygalore. [StarChaser, May 25 2001]

Girlscent exotic room scent http://web.archive....//www.girlscent.ca/
Portal of Evil is truly the friend of every halfbaker. [repointered to archive.org --jutta] [pottedstu, Jan 04 2002]

http://3xi.org/view...blic/?doc=Lapjuicer [jutta, Jul 12 2005]

(???) My Vagina http://www.national...vag/02_myvagina.asp
From the Nat-Lamp "food" issue. [reensure, Sep 11 2005]

"Vulva Original: Authentically natural vaginal flavour." http://www.riechmichund.com/
I wonder if Ben is an investor. [not safe for work or children, flash site]. From metafilter.com [bristolz, Mar 05 2006]

Q. What does it taste like? http://ask.metafilter.com/mefi/52203
A. A 9v battery. [calum, Dec 11 2006]

(?) Courvoisier XO advertisement http://camy.org/gallery/fullsize/489.jpg
It's not the exact billboard I'd seen back in 2004, but you'll get the idea. [jutta, Nov 17 2008]

The Onion: "K-Y Introduces New Line Of Jam" http://www.theonion...roduces_new_line_of
[hippo, Feb 12 2009]

pussy http://www.pussydrinks.com/
Energy drink, UK [jutta, Apr 29 2009]

We Buy Any Car dot Com http://www.youtube....watch?v=f-yEWZTBQ64
[calum, May 25 2009, last modified Jan 16 2014]

I started out google image searching vuvuzela, to confirm that they probably looked like what I thought they did. Then I wound up at the "vulva original" site above. But youtube led me here. http://www.youtube....watch?v=n0M4yAZkdt0
[normzone, Jun 18 2010]

Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Vagina Bread http://www.toplessr...ng_vagina_bread.php
A perfect accompaniment
Teat, a drink with Jane and Brad [Dub, Mar 17 2013]

Fark/HuffPo's "Latest invention set to snatch away market share? The Vagina Toaster " http://www.fark.com/comments/8102830
[Dub, Jan 16 2014]

(???) e-banned www.ebanned.com
You can buy stuff like this over here, if you wanted to learn. [xkuntay, Jan 17 2014]

(??) Cockle Bread http://flan.utsa.ed...m/Splittgerber.html
17th century vaginal bread flora enrichment technique with aphodesiac effects [fishboner, Jan 19 2014]

My Sex Junk (song and dance routine) endorsed by Bill Nye the "Science" Guy on his TV show https://youtu.be/VtJFb_P2j48
A "Vagina Jam" that was as tasteful and well-liked as this idea. [sninctown, Apr 26 2021]


       You know you're in trouble when you've been unanimously fishboned and no-one but the big UB has managed to articulate their horror in an annotation.
lewisgirl, May 30 2001

       Yeah, a frosty reception
thumbwax, May 30 2001

       thumbwax....more of a "frigid" reception for frosty.....
Susen, May 30 2001

       This is the nastiest thing I have ever heard, and I _still_ have a question;
salmon, May 30 2001

       Yes, the fish has spoken - why?
thumbwax, May 31 2001

       well .. . . i kinda like the taste.
benfrost, May 31 2001

       No, I'm responsible for one of them, because it made me laugh long and hard.
-alx, May 31 2001

       Do you come from a land down under?
DrBob, Jun 01 2001

       Sorry, [Tugun], but Marmite is English, made in Burton-on-Trent from excess yeast produced by the many breweries sited there because the water is so suitable.
angel, Jun 02 2001

       there is certainly an interesting conversation brewing up...
panthaz paradise, Jun 03 2001

       I've just checked this out. I was thinking along the same line as you Rods, shame really cos that's a preferable topic for discussion. As for this idea it sucks. Why don't we go the whole 9 yards and start marketing all of our bodily secretions and smegma. Yuk! Have a fishbone.
Ivy, Jun 08 2001

       Marmite and Vegemite are both commercial products, as described by [UnaBubba] but differ only in that Marmite is available in England and Vegemite is available in Australia. Folks who've tasted both say that they're slightly different in saltiness and putrefaction. To the great unwashed, however, they are both considered anti-personnel food (e.g. something you'd try to kill someone else with).
vegemite, Jun 08 2001

       Having been devoted to Frau Furtz for many many years I wouldn't know, but an old friend informs me that all vaginas do not taste the same. So, leaving aside the merits of your idea, it may be necessary to consider whether something definable as a vaginal flavor actually exists.   

       Moreover, even if one ignores the questions of taste as well as tastefulness, it should be noted that, unless of course you are talking about sheep or other non-human vaginas, vaginal secretions are produced by the human body. Hence the consumption of your product could be associated with pseudo-cannibalism -- and raise ethical questions.
Dr Furtz, Jun 09 2001

       Offensive I can grant you, but why is it sexist? Would a "semen jelly" idea be sexist too?
wiml, Jun 11 2001

       Marmite and Vegemite are both manufactured and distributed in New Zealand and Australia. It is an acquired taste. Personally I prefer Marmite. Excellent source of vitamin B, folate and iron I might add...unlike vagina jam.
Helium, Jun 11 2001

       While the fact in no way detracts from her argument, [Mephista] may wish to know that the singer Marc Almond (of Soft Cell) was visited by the police, who found, in his refrigerator, several pints of semen in bottles.
angel, Jun 11 2001

       mephista: afaik there's no such thing as vagina-jam, either. I suspect the market for each would be similarly small, but not quite zero. Likewise the number of people who would want to provide the secretions in question: a small number but not zero. A glance through the personals of any city newspaper should demonstrate that there are a lot of people out there with odd kinks. (This seems not too far removed from the trade in smelly underwear, of both sexes.)
wiml, Jun 11 2001

       Some mornings my girlfriend and I really enjoy breakfast in bed . . .
benfrost, Jun 12 2001

       here in tokyo next to sake vending machine we have a used schoolgirls underwear vending machine. On top of that the female house mates all have had there underwear stolen at some point in this city. the quesiton is: if there were no vending machines would more be stolen? if there was no jelly would we all want oral sex more? ps. I wasnt the one who stole the underwear!
zarko, Jul 19 2001

       Is that all guys want? Jelly?! Please people don't bring this idea to the top again or I'll post "cum brandy butter"
futurebird, Jul 19 2001

       I suppose now is the time to get benfrost in touch with my friend (she of the Eau de English Quim idea). <sigh>
lewisgirl, Jul 19 2001

       Oi lewisgirl! Not wanting to cause tension here, just need you to clarify ..... are you going to bill me for marketing services if I proceed with Eau d'Quim Anglaise? I have my own ad campaign underway!
Esk, Jul 19 2001

       I'll charge you extra if you spell it like that. "d'Quim"??? Is 'Q' a vowel? And does "...Anglaise" refer to a masculine product? Eau de la Quim Anglaise. Get it right or I'll sue.
lewisgirl, Jul 19 2001

       [Dr Furtz] Good point, it would be hard to define a taste as not only does the taste vary from woman to woman, it also varies considerably depending upon the time of the month and what they have been eating/drinking.
CasaLoco, Jul 20 2001

       "Gentleman's Relish" has been available in good London shops for decades. It is essentially Anchovy paste - need I say more....
ChrisMc, Jul 20 2001

       Nooo! My girlfriend just dumped me over a halfbaked idea. Not again!
benfrost, Jul 21 2001

       Straight out of a Farrelly Brothers screenplay! Why don't you hop into your doggy-van and go get a pedicure with an electric sander and a bowl haircut, and then rent an orange tuxedo! Or maybe get a buzz cut and a state trooper's costume, and go shoot a dying cow!
Sparki, Aug 13 2001

benfrost, Aug 13 2001

       This HAS to be the most voted against HB item ever...
CasaLoco, Aug 13 2001

       But do you get my references, benfrost? (or is your real name Charlie Christmas? Or perhaps it's Lloyd Baileygates?):-D BTW, I bet someone who can think up something so revolting (and degrading to womanhood) has his partner (her name wouldn't happen to be Mary or Irene, now would it? :-D) use his manly spatterings as a hair beautifier! Do you call said partner such endearments as "candypants" or "sweetbeak?" Or do you tell her how you want to make sweet love to . . . A SCHOOLBOY? I just bet that your favorite food is jalapenos and that you can make The Most Annoying Sound in the World! Hey, I don't want to twist your niblets! Whatever floats your boat! Just don't crash your doggy van, and whatever you do DON'T get the ol' one-eyed matinee idol and his two co-stars caught in the fly of that tangerine tux you're sportin' :-)
Sparki, Aug 13 2001, last modified Aug 18 2001

       I think that Sparki is hoping that I too am from a dumb and dumber movie.
benfrost, Aug 14 2001

       benfrost, there's something about ... this idea that you came up with that just revolts me, myself, AND any "Irenes" out there.
Sparki, Aug 14 2001

       This Vagina-Jam just runs and runs, doesn't it.
-alx, Aug 14 2001

       Not surprising since the concept itself has all the appeal of a tabloid's coverage of a star trek convention.
Lucky_Setzer, Aug 14 2001

       Do we have to get a new jar each month?
DaveSt, Sep 08 2001

       How many calories would there be in a dollop of vagina jam? (BTW, does anyone know the calorific content of a spoonful of 'Gentleman's relish?)
pussygalore, Sep 08 2001

       high in protein.
lewisgirl, Oct 01 2001

       Pussygalore, see the link.
StarChaser, Oct 01 2001

       Thanks for the links Starchaser and UB.   

       Two questions; Considering its similarity to egg white, could I use semen to whip up a meringue? Would my vegetarian friends eat them?
pussygalore, Oct 03 2001

       I don't see why vegans wouldn't as their objection to eating animal products is a purely ethical one. The animal(s) from which your meringue came (no pun intended) would not only have to consent to, but enjoy the process. But vegetarians, I'm not so sure of.
sdm, Oct 03 2001

       Spread onto old man's knobs. Perfect for when guests or relatives drop by.
benfrost, Oct 03 2001

       Whoo! Makes for a whole new meaning for 'come over for dinner'. Everybody'd be so exhausted by the time it came <ahem> around that nobody'd want to eat it...
StarChaser, Oct 06 2001

       well, aside from the fact that this is one of the longest discussions i've seen my whole one day at this site, and one of the oddest, I'm afraid i still have to fishbone this for the mere though of 80 year old grandmothers in sweatshops rubbing themselve over a long conveyorbelt of empty jars, while old Bing Crosby plays over the PA system... I don't think I'm ever going to sleep again, thx.
Garou, Jan 04 2002

       I am amazed at how, like a bad stain, this idea keeps seeping back through to the top.
quarterbaker, Jan 04 2002

       Garou: luckily, it can be done synthetically (See link).
pottedstu, Jan 04 2002

       Mmm.. couldn't resist.
skinflaps, Oct 06 2004

       Well done 'flaps. Good work!
DrBob, Oct 06 2004

       What -alx said.
calum, Oct 06 2004

       This would be one of the not-so-good aspects of rebuilding the Halfbakery...
Detly, Oct 20 2004

       This idea was "lost" before the disk crash wasn't it?   

       So nice to see it here again.
Taika, Oct 28 2004

       I never had the courage to read the entire idea before, and now that I have, all I can say is Eewwwwwwwwwwww!. (+ for old time sakes though).
blissmiss, Oct 28 2004

       im thinking of doing an illustration for this but i dont really know where to start.
benfrost, Oct 29 2004

       The assembly-line style factory?
Worldgineer, Oct 29 2004

       I think, if you asked politely, briz, may, or may not, draw you an empty jar. If, however, she placed the (P.H), I might have issues. So might po, and all the other women who inhabit the bakery. (Beware, if you bring back [Mephista], you might also conjure up a' many of old bakers.)
blissmiss, Oct 29 2004

       This product would be useful for treating paraphiliacs (fetishists) -- people who take sexual pleasure from something other than sex. It's difficult for a patient to imagine what sex and cunnilingus are like if he's never done them, and yet somehow the patient -- if he's in therapy -- must "develop a taste" for it if he is to become sexually normal.   

       I'd imagine it's not unlike developing a taste for olives or for brie cheese, if you've never had them before. It takes time. Vagina Jam can help.   

       Once again, I've voted + for this idea.
phundug, Oct 29 2004

       Once-again, I voted against.
dentworth, Oct 29 2004

       You can take the bolts out of its neck and paint over the stitches, but the villagers with pitchforks are still going to pay a visit.
Detly, Oct 30 2004

       have you been to ann summers? or a psychiatrist. fishbone for you, it seems you like fish anyway
artificialeye, Oct 30 2004

       no meat. vaginatarian.
benfrost, Oct 30 2004

       First ever vote on this one: [-]. I don't think it would go well on toast.
wagster, Oct 31 2004

       OH MY GOD!!!! I've just read the Girlscent link. I am totally lost for words....
wagster, Oct 31 2004

       If I was forced to vote on this I'd bone it, but since I'd also have to bun the chuckle that Vaginataran gave me, I'd have to stay neutral.   

       It made me laugh!   

       I only regret that I have but one croissant to give for vagina jam.
Ichthus, Oct 31 2004

       I would give another + for his latest comment, if I could.
blissmiss, Oct 31 2004

       Anyone remember that scene from 'White Mischief' where the crazy old bird dampens Charles Dance's dead lips with some of her own 'jam' straight from the source. I would suggest whipping out a big pot of 'VJ' would have been much more preferrable.   

       <useless trivia> the band Pearl Jam were named after one of the band members Auntie Pearl who made them pots of Jam. I'm not sure if she followed BenFrosts recipe>
etherman, Nov 01 2004

       I had a grilfriend whose name was Sushi, but she didn't smell like fish !
Gridley, Nov 01 2004

       I'm happy to see VJ is doing better this time (+27 -78).   

       Perhaps after the HB crash of 2008 and its subsequent resurrection, it will even earn a net plus!
phundug, Nov 01 2004

       bliss: PH? some kind of acidity test?
po, Nov 01 2004

       Oy... this is weird... and in british terms: queer. I would visit the links but right now... I'm at school. Surrouded by people... Lol this is hilarious!   

       I wouldn't have a clue what this woudl taste like... EEEEEWWWW... Just imagine all the diseases and nasty stuff you would get in it! And   

       //though of 80 year old grandmothers in sweatshops rubbing themselve over a long conveyorbelt of empty jars, while old Bing Crosby plays over the PA system... I don't think I'm ever going to sleep again, thx.// I never thought I would forget about a certain deleted thread on www.halomods.com but I forgot aobut it within a day... man that little "fantasy" is absolutely WROONG!!!!   

       "like the taste" I bet you do.
EvilPickels, Nov 01 2004

       po, oh please don't force me to type out the p.hair word. It's tough, just too tough for me. Uhmm, public hare, pubic heir...
blissmiss, Nov 01 2004

       <wakes up> Oh. Is it time to vote down vagina jam again? Here ya go. (-) It just doesn't do anything for me, Ben. </back to sleep>
k_sra, Nov 01 2004

       Ahh... the discussion of male and female reproduction functions and reactions... just gets me so... h**ny..   

       (forgive me I am 14)
EvilPickels, Nov 01 2004

       k_sra. why? this makes Tracy Emin a cartoonist!
po, Nov 01 2004

       I jsut saw that second opinion link, YUCK! GAY! GROSS11
EvilPickels, Nov 01 2004

       great for attracting Vagina Ants
zen_tom, Nov 29 2004

       Did anyone else see the current Courvoisier XO Imperial outdoor ad and be reminded of this posting?
jutta, Nov 29 2004

       Haven't seen it. Please describe.
Worldgineer, Nov 29 2004

       Curvoisier XO Imperial ? my google search says it is a type of wine. what kind of tv stations are u watching?
benfrost, Dec 23 2004

       Well, technically, it is a wine; a wine that has been distilled and is commonly known as Cognac. Brandies are similar.
bristolz, Dec 23 2004

       "...it is not recommended that you allow your partner to come in your mouth or for you to swallow his semen because of the possible risk of HIV infection..."   

       Is there some logic behind this that I am missing? By "partner", do they intend this to be read as "random strange person"?
tiromancer, Dec 23 2004

       Well, then, see? Brandy is indeed similar.
bristolz, Dec 23 2004

       <While [k_sra] blissfully slumbers, [spacemoggy] quietly negates her negative..... + >
I'm so glad that the crash has somehow magically resurrected this idea. It was annoying to read so many references to it on the HB, but not be able to find it anywhere. I always assumed from the name that it was jam especially designed to be applied to the vagina to mask the taste. But in fact it's kind of the opposite. Kudos to [benfrost].
spacemoggy, Dec 23 2004

       [Dr Furtz]: "all vaginas do not taste the same."   

       I see an opportunity for brand expansion. A whole line of different flavors for different predelictions, from "Country fresh" to "Curiously strong."
robinism, Jan 10 2005

po, Jan 10 2005

       Perverted compared to what? Most men I've known have had a fixation on some particular "part." A fixation on breasts is more common but no less perverted.
robinism, Jan 11 2005

       And breasts are also about food
Susan, Jan 11 2005

       It's not stupid, either. I think it would be very popular amongst a certain segment of the population. OK, maybe not you.
phundug, Jan 11 2005

       maybe if it came in a tube, such that when you took off the lid there was a little vagina shaped opening that you could squeeze the jam out of.
benfrost, Jan 12 2005

       As one who is conditioned, possibly hardwired to like the flavor, in most of it's variations, I still don't know about a jam.   

       Now, a cologne, THAT would be an idea......
normzone, Jan 12 2005

       A lot more guys might wash their hands if they could then dip their fingers in such a scent.
FarmerJohn, Jan 13 2005

       Susan's post reminds me of a radio show that I heard a couple of nights ago that, in turn, reminded me of a little ditty that was occasionally heard around the school playground...

Milk, milk, lemonade
Round the back the chocolate's made.

DrBob, Jan 20 2005

       DrBob, it sounds like either you haven't had much exposure to breastfeeding, or that was a very odd radio show. Are you sure you're a real doctor?
robinism, Jan 20 2005

       im sure he says something similar to every patient at his gynacology clinic
benfrost, Jan 20 2005

       Milk milk lemonade chocolate (with appropriate hand actions) was used repeatedly in limited-appeal UK sketch show "Chewin' The Fat."
calum, Jan 20 2005

       who's eve ensler?
benfrost, Jun 23 2005

       She's the vagina lady.
bristolz, Jun 23 2005

       Nothing in a can or jar is ever as good as the real or fresh thing. The best thing about this idea, is the sheer disgust articulated by many. It's almost worth a bun.
sartep, Jun 24 2005

       I'm surprised this idea keeps getting churned. It's got staying power, I'll give it that.
shapu, Jun 24 2005

       ahhh of course.
benfrost, Jul 12 2005

       What about the chia-vagina? Mix seeds into this jam, spread them onto a pottery crotch, and grow a small bush.
joeforker, Jul 12 2005

       is it measured in knobs, dollops or pats?
po, Jul 12 2005

       sticks even? Oh, that might be knob butter.
zen_tom, Jul 12 2005

       Sorry Pa've, not a valid reason to m-f-d.
RayfordSteele, Jul 13 2005

       //And the nest time // Oh do tell me that wasn't an intentional typo!
coprocephalous, Jul 13 2005

       //the Bakery is veering into a ravine of slime// - It's always veering into one ravine or another, this month it's slime, next month it will be millinery.
wagster, Jul 13 2005

       //the Bakery is veering into a ravine// We'll head it off at the pass.
coprocephalous, Jul 13 2005

       I think this idea works as a sort of gold standard for bad ideas. When people read an idea they think is dreadful, they can compare it to this one and it doesn't seem so bad, and when people think of an idea, they can also think "is this as bad as vagina jam?" and if they decide it is, they can refrain from posting it, thereby sparing everyone from even worse ideas. It also falls into the "so bad it's good" category. Maybe that's what the positive votes indicate.
nineteenthly, Jul 13 2005

       //ravine of slime//
Interesting negative imagery, there [Pa`ve].
calum, Jul 13 2005

       this idea has 38 +'s.more than your average, I'd say.   

       of course, you could say it was a recipe!
po, Jul 13 2005

       //they can also think "is this as bad as vagina jam?" and if they decide it is...// - that sounds like a challenge to me. I don't think I've ever thought of something this horrible, but I'll keep trying.
wagster, Jul 13 2005

       I don't know why everyone's so upset about this. The human race would not exist if bodily excretions could not be ingested. And honey is bee sick. You eat that dontcha?
squeak, Jul 13 2005

       ok, so i have tasted many real human women's vaginas before - and perhaps that may be gross to Pa've, or some people etc - but the fact remains that it can be a wonderful aroma.   

       I have experienced some not so delightful nether regions, which can be attributed to factors such as time of the month, personal hygiene and/or an animalistic clash of non-comparitive pheremones.   

       I have little experience in the aroma of men's genital areas, but i would gather it is far more foul than anything in a women's bits etc.   

       This product would be designed to simulate the best of these smells - and as outlined is artificially sweetened - so that it has some sense of nourishment. It would be perfected to resemble as generally as possible the delightful sniff of the most glorious of female secretions.   

       Imagine an old man in his 90's, who could have this every morning with his earl grey, reminiscing the days gone by - celebrating womanhood in the same way you would partake of jesus' blood at an altar.   

       Surely it is a celebration of the body - and a trigger to recall past experiences. Smelling the remains of someone on my person after having made love to them is a fantastic resonance of that person - especially in the knowledge I may never see them again, or even better if I will. It is the base essence of a shared intensity that is the basis of two people joining as one.   

       I guess if you are married and the passion has left your relationship, or you have never savoured the taste of vagina if you are a straight female - or even an unpopular male etc - then this may well be a disgusting post.   

       Herein lies the explanation, why simply because an idea has the word 'vagina' in it doesn't mean it is 'gross'.   

       Though of course, a lot of my other ideas are just blatantly gross.
benfrost, Jul 13 2005

       I'm with you most of the way, I just don't think it would be nice on toast.   

       Serving suggestion: on fresh pussy.
wagster, Jul 13 2005

       I've been wondering what the ingredients of this jam might be. [Unabubba] suggested anchovy paste four years ago. I assume beer would also be a main ingredient (in fact, I think the primary appeal of beer to men is that it approximates the smell of a vagina). Dried flowers, ground and blended with sardines, could be added to taste.
phundug, Jul 13 2005

       Add a dash of one of the more pungent French cheeses......
Minimal, Jul 13 2005

       u are trying to ascribe negative smells via sardines and french cheese , when in fact i think the smell is in fact a little more palatable.
benfrost, Jul 13 2005

       I love French cheese...
Minimal, Jul 13 2005

       I take your point that it's interesting to speculate about why people find this disgusting. However, i would find any food made in the shape of a genital disgusting, and i think this might be similar. There's an anthropological theory that says that anything that falls between categories is perceived as disgusting, the example quoted at the time being a flying squirrel, because in a sense it's neither a bird nor a mammal. This falls between the categories of sex and eating. Maybe that's why people don't like it. Then again, so does oral sex and that's not disgusting.
Incidentally, has anyone else ever read "Tubs of Slaw" by Rachel Pollack?
nineteenthly, Jul 13 2005

       //i would find any food made in the shape of a genital disgusting//   

       the idea is not made in the shape of a genital.
benfrost, Jul 13 2005

       I mean something that reminds me of sex while i'm eating, or vice versa. I would find it off-putting if i was suddenly reminded of sushi during an erotic episode, for example. On the other hand, people who are keen on doing certain things with dairy products not directly associated with eating might be more comfortable with your preserve.
nineteenthly, Jul 13 2005

       [benfrost] I don't think they're negative; they are something you need to develop a taste for. I used to not like strong French cheeses; now I love them. I used to detest beer; now I just don't like it.   

       Anyway, I think developing a taste for this jam would go a long way in aiding people with low sex drive (or worse: misdirected sex drive), to grow accustomed and habituated to the real thing.   

       It's an important and even therapeutic product.
phundug, Jul 13 2005

       //misdirected sex drive//   

       Best euphemism of the week.
daseva, Jul 13 2005

       //euphamism //
Best euphespelling of the week.
phundug, Jul 13 2005

       I was cheerfully reading this earlier on while eating my chicken sandwich when squeak's anno made me want to throw up.
po, Jul 13 2005

       Euphamism Euphecorrected. Euphethank you.
daseva, Jul 13 2005

       Euphixed it! Thank you.
phundug, Jul 13 2005

       Would you like to here the exact ingredients of some other delights as well [po}? <snigger, snigger>
Susan, Sep 09 2005

       Hmmmm... Black Pudding and Haggis...
Tasty tasty!
Jinbish, Sep 09 2005

       A *jam* is what musicians often call it when they just get together and play. Also, traffic can involve a *jam*. I don't think this helps, but it creates interesting mental pictures for Vagina-Jam.
sleeka, Sep 10 2005

       and what kind of instruments will they be playing?
benfrost, Sep 10 2005

Jinbish, Sep 10 2005

       the sexaphone?
benfrost, Sep 11 2005

       skin flute? Or maybe something in the string section(yikes)?
sleeka, Sep 11 2005

       "And now the sex-traffic. Long vagina tailbacks are reported in the region of Sharon Skeggs due to sheer volume of traffic....
wagster, Sep 11 2005

       ...this just in. Eve Ensler's basement flooded as natural dike is formed by vagina monologue jam.   

       I know this idea was created when I was thirteen, but I have to say, I enjoy the scent of a woman definitely, if not always the taste.   

       I still wouldn't want a jar of it to be discovered in my house. Retro-active bun [+].
notmarkflynn, Mar 05 2006

       I've finally read it. S'alright.
jonthegeologist, Mar 05 2006

       I can't take this site entirely seriously if we have a [food: genital] category.
notmarkflynn, Mar 05 2006

       Had you heretofore been taking the site seriously?
bristolz, Mar 06 2006

       Well you teaching about a million folks how to spell alot, helped, a lot. Unless of coarse your a stickler for such thngs.
blissmiss, Mar 06 2006

       I'm assuming you masturbate with this. Haven't read all the anno's but...
daseva, Mar 06 2006

       If it had yeast, would that make it:
'Self Raising Vagina Jam'?
Ling, Mar 06 2006

       I just read most of this for the first time and don't really know what to think. I guess I'm off to invent Penis Butter.
xandram, Mar 06 2006

       Temper, temper. If you're not careful the toads will get cha.
blissmiss, Mar 07 2006

       Ugh! Tuna jam.
Abusementpark, Dec 10 2006

       Didn't you hear [Abusementpark]? It doesn't taste like fish at all. *link*
calum, Dec 11 2006

       Disturbing on so many levels... [+/-/I don't even know anymore]
Hunter79764, Dec 12 2006

       But I have to agree with [Wagster], though. At the very least, not on toast.
Hunter79764, Dec 12 2006

       I've only just found this, it was referred to in some other post. Forgive me if this has already been covered, I stopped reading the annos at around the late 2004 era.   

       The idea is not to package actual human excretions, it is to create a synthetic version.   

       I think the real issue is the design of the jar.
marklar, May 15 2007

       How did I miss seeing this for so long?   

       As mentioned by another member, I have a feeling that the taste and smell of such a product, when removed from the actual experience, would not be quite so pleasant. From personal experience (college roommates and their girlfriends), I find the smell nearly offensive when it's not from my lover, but I'm easily aroused when I know that it is my lover's scent. I don't know that I would be aroused by something synthetic.   

       Personal preference also varies greatly. Some of us prefer the taste and smell of a freshly washed woman, some of us like it when it's rather ripe. Some of us like it somewhere in between.   

       Now, with the advent of personalized perfumes, it may be possible to take a sample scented garment, and have a matching scent synthesized...
Freefall, May 15 2007

       Why simulated hair? Do they have less propensity to get stuck in your teeth?
noncompliance, Jul 07 2007

       I'm now just waiting for Peni - Cheese!
S-note, Jul 09 2007

       Wow! Genital based food products seem to be wildly un-popular with this crowd.   

       Looks like I'll bail on my idea for a urethral discharge themed butter despenser.
doctorremulac3, Jul 09 2007

       More like both wildly popular *and* (even more) wildly unpopular.
imaginality, Jul 10 2007

       This is up again? Did you actually read this far? Are you reading this.....sorry......okay vagina jam. Thought you he was suggesting something to jam a vagina with.   

       HUGE [+]   

       I like my toast fishy.
evilpenguin, Jul 10 2007

       mmm smells like fish..   

       What shape the jar?
Voice, Jul 19 2007

       //Vagina Jam.//   

       What??? OOOkay...backs away slowly.
Shadow Phoenix, Sep 29 2007

       What [PhunDog] said:   

       //I'd imagine it's not unlike developing a taste for olives or for brie cheese, if you've never had them before. It takes time. Vagina Jam can help.//   

       Of course, on the other hand, yikes!
quantum_flux, Sep 29 2007

       The Anti Panic PIN.
wagster, Sep 29 2007

       I would probably switch to Vagina Jam.
monk, Oct 01 2007

       If the two ideas were beside each other, you could toggle between them..... or perhaps they could be merged into a single idea - a Vagina Jam Pot with a Panic Pin protected lid.
xenzag, Oct 01 2007

       I've never yet voted on this idea. I simply cannot make up my mind. Perhaps the next time it makes the front page.
Noexit, Oct 01 2007

       Vote [+]   

       Thisisa great idea, much better than pussy-peanut butter
evilpenguin, Oct 01 2007

       I have to fishbone this one. Even though now that I think of it, I actually can remember once having a burger which tasted like vagina. I believe I neglected to wash my hands properly. It was a confusing experience. You know, bite this, taste that... boy, did that girl have strong odours...
PauloSargaco, Oct 02 2007

       It got my bun because it's funny. Can't say fairer than that.
theleopard, Feb 01 2008


       "dude... your breath..."   

       I'm not even gonna mention the phrase "penis butter"
FlyingToaster, Feb 01 2008

       icky icky icky
nomocrow, Feb 01 2008

       //icky icky icky// ... meaning 'drink up', in Japanese. (You have to picture a crowd of rampant Japanese frat-boy types chanting this to the new kid with the too-large shot of sake).
pertinax, Feb 02 2008

       Please see my previous anno from October 2007.
Noexit, Feb 04 2008

       Imagine getting this mixed up in a grade schooler's bagged lunch.
Jscotty, Feb 06 2008

       Imagine, jam with no mention of bees anywhere.
RayfordSteele, Feb 06 2008

       Yeah, what [rayfordsteele] said; not enough banjoes.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 06 2008

       Given the time at which this idea was posted, and given the time at which cosmological theories underwent something of an arse-over-tit upheaval, is it possible that what scientists believe to be 'dark energy' is just a manifestation of the inherent desire of all matter in the universe to distance itself from this idea?
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 08 2008

blissmiss, Mar 08 2008

       I'm worried about the 58 (+) votes. They give this a chance to happen.
Shadow Phoenix, Mar 08 2008

       Absolutely and at that level the product would be a tremendous success. Curiosity would get consumers handling the product then one in four would want to buy it. Even if just as a gag gift that would never be consumed.
WcW, Mar 08 2008

       It is the ultimate office secret santa gift.
marklar, Mar 09 2008

       <shrugs> Can't help it </shrugs>   

       Now would this, like olive oil, come in the virgin variety?
MikeD, Oct 18 2008

       If not virgin, at least organic.
mylodon, Oct 18 2008

       I must remain undecided on this one at this time.
Noexit, Oct 21 2008

       Hadn't you noticed that before?
nineteenthly, Dec 27 2008

       Well, strangeness can be quite broad.
[Jutta], the combination of ingredients on that drink is really not good news. Siberian ginseng and guarana together are likely to mess up the adrenals in a pretty long-term way.
nineteenthly, Apr 29 2009

       Leaning over with a plate of warm fresh scones, I distinctly remember grandmother offering me to sample her home-made marmalade.
benfrost, May 20 2009

       Sprinkled with some Grandpa’s special parmesan flakes, that he always kept in his cloth cap, perhaps?
xenzag, May 20 2009

       You re a sick man, benfrost, but the kind of sick that is admirable.
MikeD, May 20 2009

       Exactly, but some people don't appreciate that or they think it's irrelevant. Not me, i might add.
nineteenthly, May 20 2009

       I'm somewhat disappointed that this churn wasn't prompted by an hob illustration.
calum, May 20 2009

       What's your image of vagina jam? I just see it as looking like vaseline with pubic hairs in it.
nineteenthly, May 20 2009

       Probably something like, eh, front and centre a close up of a jar of VJ, packaging styling very much reminiscent of Marmite, while in the background, arrayed around the jar and coloured in that pale primary style of Gilroy's Guinness ads, are images related to the product itself: pale, serious looking young lad bringing toast and VJ breakfast-in-bed to parents flushed red with the annoyance of coital interruption; a kindly, wrinkly old granny in a nicotine-coloured cardigan looking at the jar, licking her lips; a couple of nubile late-1950s housewives enjoying a cuppa and a VJ buttie; a cheeky milkman, resting with his feet up on the wheel of his float, foil wrapped VJ sandwiches in his lap, delight on his pus at the packed lunch his good lady wife has prepared for him. All of which will sit atop a large strong font message: "VAGINA JAM: TASTY AS" (or something).
calum, May 20 2009

       Has that got the New World Symphony in the background, [calum]?
nineteenthly, May 20 2009

       I'm convinced that the best way to express my positive appreciation and approval of the inventiveness of this idea now is to perversely add to its bone count. Here's another one [-]
xenzag, May 20 2009

       Actually, having thought about it some more, and having been blessed enough to witness the current UK TV advert for webuyanycar dot com (I would post a link to the ad, were I not so thoroughly restricted in my lunchtime browsing), I think that the illo advert should stay as is, a throwback attractive to the Classic FM listening older set and the TV advert should go for the watered down happy hardcore rambunctiousness of said ad, with basic flash animation, "Vagina Jam" said over and over again and, most importantly, a banging donk on it.
calum, May 21 2009

       calum you are just as sick as ben. +
blissmiss, May 23 2009

       We should get extra "churn" votes.   

       [+], again if i could [BenFrost].
MikeD, May 24 2009

       LOL what a hilarious find...Its been on this site since 2001 and this is the 1st time seeing it. Too Funny!
quantass, May 25 2009

       What a great link. She did good for ben, I think.
blissmiss, Jun 18 2010

       oh vagina jam. . how i love you
benfrost, Oct 15 2010

       Oh put a lid on it.
reensure, Oct 16 2010

       Ben, if you build it, people will come.
infidel, Oct 16 2010

       will this idea never die??
simonj, Oct 22 2010

       you just HAD to bump it didn't you...
Voice, Oct 22 2010

       //will this idea never die??//   

       Apparently, the really good ones and the really bad ones never do.   

       Annotating this idea seems to have become sort of a rite of passage. I'm in! Or out...whatever. [-]
Boomershine, Oct 22 2010

       I'm honored on my birthday, that vagina jam was resurrected. It makes me proud to be a baker.
blissmiss, Oct 22 2010

       a happy vagina-jam birthday, my lovely blissy!   

       off to beddy byes wondering why there is a hyphen between vagina and jam. I'll probably have nightmares or wonderful dreams...
po, Oct 22 2010

       That hyphen is curious. If it weren't for the description, I would think this was a situational thing...like "I cannot get this @%$*#¿! vagina open!"
Boomershine, Oct 22 2010

blissmiss, Oct 23 2010

       A strange co-incidence; I was noticing the hyphen myself yesterday, and pondering its significance.
pocmloc, Oct 23 2010

       In another sense of the term, many many men have been in situations which could easily be called 'a vagina-jam'.
Boomershine, Oct 23 2010

       we're really, really not going to ask ...
po, Oct 23 2010

       It's best if you don't.
Boomershine, Oct 23 2010

       Remember: A bad idea is like a bad analogy. It's bad.
doctorremulac3, Oct 25 2010

       Dave: I'm in a jam. Steve: What kind of jam? Dave: A vagina jam. Steve: Oh, I'm glad you're not in a pickle then.
marklar, Oct 26 2010

       Ah... Vagina Jam has resurfaced again.   

       [+], still.
MikeD, Oct 27 2010

       i recommend vagina jam for turkey stuffing this xmas
benfrost, Dec 22 2010

       I recommend stuffing vaginas this xmas.
MikeD, Dec 22 2010

       That'll hold off the righteous babester.
rcarty, Dec 23 2010

       Japan, you so funny
Voice, Mar 18 2013

       I think this resurfaces when you have some kind of infection...
xandram, Mar 18 2013

       Always nice to see one of the classics bob to the surface.
Alterother, Jan 16 2014

       I almost resurfaced this last month, but I resurfaced aoln instead. See new link here though. Apparently begins bread has existed since the 17th century. Just press dough against vagina, knead let rise, and bake.
fishboner, Jan 19 2014

       //pervert him through a reversal of Communion with the end of symbolically and physically consuming him.//   

       Yeah if the thick language wasn't enough to put me off that did the rest. It's like all the symbology prescribed to a scene in Huckleberry Finn before Samuel Clemens told them it was just a raft.
Voice, Jan 19 2014

       in the 7 years or more i've been coming to half bakery. i've never seen so many votes on a single idea.   

       just for that , you got my bun!
teslaberry, Jan 21 2014

       Possibly the best thing on the entire internet.
UnaBubba, Jan 31 2014

       Define best!
po, May 02 2014

       Happy Birthday Ben Frost. Your idea will live forever in our hearts.
blissmiss, May 02 2014

       This should be available, lightly flavored in different nationalities.   

       Recently, I had the good fortune to try some curry-laden cuisine.
MikeD, Jul 27 2015

       Did it taste like chicken ?
FlyingToaster, Jul 27 2015

       //just for that , you got my bun!//   

       You will notice, [slab], that he made appropriate use of capital letters, punctuation and the category system.   

       We forgive almost anything here, with the exceptions of stupidity and laziness. And we're not sure about stupidity.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 27 2015

       MikeD, wait til you try fresh lumpia ;)
21 Quest, Jul 28 2015

tatterdemalion, Sep 22 2015

       Come back [benfrost]..... much missed in a tidal wave of halfbakery mediocrity :-(
xenzag, Sep 23 2015

       This doesn't seem to have been churned yet this year. You're welcome.
MikeD, Mar 07 2016

       Oh God no. What next, Unrequited Love?
blissmiss, Mar 08 2016

       Why does this thing keep coming back?   

       And what happened to having hundreds of people vote for ideas? We only get a couple of dozen or so at the most these days. We need to get Halfbakery viewership back up!   

       Unfortunately, or fortunately I don't se Jutta buying into any click-bait promotion schemes. "See what diet experts are saying about 'Skinny Monkey Slimming Shoes'! It this the way to melt fat effortlessly?"
doctorremulac3, Mar 11 2016

       Yes, i agree. i think the bakery needs a reset. An updated energy that can compete with other diversions. I see old timers come back to visit, on occasion, but then they drop off the planet again. And the new folks are great, but don't seem to stay, and I'm betting lack of activity and voting is part of it.   

       Are there any moderators anymore? I don't even know that. Used to.   

       So there, on "vagina jam", on one of the best worst ideas ever, I have spoken my piece for all of eternity. Thank you [doctorremulac3] for bring this issue up to the commuity.
blissmiss, Mar 11 2016

doctorremulac3, Mar 11 2016

       I'll confess I keep disappearing for a while because I keep forgetting my password :(
shapu, Mar 11 2016

       Here, you can use mine. It's *********.
normzone, Mar 12 2016

       Please don't mess with the membership!
xenzag, Mar 12 2016

       [norm]: Your password is hunter2 also?
shapu, Mar 13 2016

       Every time I come back to this idea, it's worse than I remembered.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 13 2016

       Because Bad Pennies...   

       Besides that, there is something human beings find admirable (regardless of their varying degrees of distaste or arousal) about that which (seemingly) cannot die, like cockroaches or cheese-in-a-can.
Grogster, May 07 2017

       The resilience of cockroaches is exaggerated. Native British cockroaches are endangered. The ones we see in buildings here are invasive species from elsewhere. The American Cockroach relies in many parts of the world on human beings for food supply and climate control. Without us they would die off pretty quickly.   

       So to apply those concepts to this idea, is there a native British version of it which is endangered somewhere on the HB? And, is there something about the environment as manufactured by halfbakers which sustains this idea?
nineteenthly, May 07 2017

       One More Thing: I read [blissmiss]'s last anno on this one, and was shocked to discover I fell into two of her categories --- so, to correct at least one of them, I hereby give this idea a BONE [ - ]. My great aunt Mary once fell ill with a dreadfully high fever. That, coupled with a yeast infection, gave her the worst case of muffins you ever saw.
Grogster, May 07 2017

       Eeeewwww whhheeee.
blissmiss, May 08 2017


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