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Vaginal Cavity Buoyancy

Get that edge in the pool
  (+3, -17)(+3, -17)(+3, -17)
(+3, -17)
  [vote for,

This could also be customised for men, but essentially I propose a technique for gaining an extra advantage in competition swimming - synchronised swimming even. A bag made of soft latex is inserted into the available cavity with a nozzle on the end - similar to a bike tyre nozzle which protrudes from the vagina. Before the race, the coach or other assistant uses a pump to inflate the bag inside the body to its maximum capacity without causing too much discomfort. A similar bag could also be inserted into the anal cavity or nostrils.

The extra buoyancy should help the 'inflatee' to the other end of the pool in record time. Helium or other lighter than air gasses should be experimented with depending on how long you have before the race.

benfrost, Jan 08 2002

(?) scroll down to "professional flatulence" http://imprint.uwat...nce/science04.shtml
i don't know if this is an urban legend, though. [mihali, Jan 08 2002]


       Is buoyancy is an advantage in a swimming race? Also, does the area available provide enough volume to alter the buoyancy in any noticeable way? Even if both the buoyancy were an advantage and the volume were great enough, would the abdomen be the area that one would want bouyant? Would that not force the swimmers head underwater as they moved forward through the water? Would that help win races?
bristolz, Jan 08 2002

       Oh yes. That makes far more sense.
bristolz, Jan 08 2002

       Note to Swimmers : If questioned by officials explain that you are pregnant or if you are a male make up something about a rather large dinner you had the night before.
benfrost, Jan 08 2002

       Uno problema... Bubble + Blood = Bad
thumbwax, Jan 08 2002

       Anal bouyancy would be useful for synchronised swimmers, who spend much of their time upside down, and might also help divers with elegant descents, even if ... I am not commenting on this. Goodbye.
pottedstu, Jan 08 2002

       wasn't this baked by the east-german swim team at the 1976 olympics? except they used their colons, not the other place. time for a bit o' googling...   

       (...later) see link.
mihali, Jan 08 2002

       Come on son get a grip. how big do you think a womens vaginal or womb is. the area is far to small to get the bouyancy. also if that fucker pops the bye bye i'm afraid. Definate Fishbone for this one!!!
Turkish, Jan 08 2002

       the havoc this could play with turns would also make this idea impractical   

       Turkish: there aren't words...
madradish, Jan 09 2002

       I think that (extra) bouyancy is of minimal importance in swimming. Modern swimsuit manufacturers concentrate on trying to reduce drag. If bouyancy was of such importance then they'd be churning out swimsuits that made you look like the Michelin Man. So fishbone I'm afraid, ben, even though I like the idea of bicycle pumps becoming a standard piece of equipment for professional swimmers (I keep getting this image of over-inflated competitors floating up to the ceiling of the pool).
DrBob, Jan 09 2002

       I believe that our eloquent friend Turkish was trying to say that any advantage gained, likely minimal, is certainly not worth the risk of embolism. I would agree.   

       Peter, that's the second time I've heard that said today.
waugsqueke, Jan 09 2002

       Just imagine if, while in the middle of a race, one of these popped out! Would it go like a bullet or would it just lay there in the middle of the pool? What if it was with the synchronised swimmers and it shot out like all balloons do when 'pricked' It might put out an eye or something. Never thought of swimming as a dangerous sport before, or a spectator sport for that matter.
barnzenen, Jan 16 2002

       Okay, here's what you do for the ladies. Instead of the latex bladder, you install something similar to those water-rocket toys, only with more pressure capability. Release the main valve, and you're movin. I like the solid rocket-fuel idea as well, although it might be hard to light if you got it wet.
RayfordSteele, Jan 25 2002

       I think this idea supports the theory that [benfrost] is a descendant of Archimedes.
ConsulFlaminicus, Jul 28 2006

       I can't comprehend how this idea didn't get deleted, yet my beloved, functional, and tasty Yolkless Eggs got the boot.
nihilo, Jul 30 2006

       Archimedes? Or Hades?
RayfordSteele, Jul 30 2006

       Eureka! someone bunned this!
benfrost, Jul 30 2006

       That'll be the autoboner.
wagster, Jul 30 2006

       ...and his contrarian friend by the look of it.
ConsulFlaminicus, Jul 31 2006


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