h a l f b a k e r y
Assume a hemispherical cow.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
Much has been said and written on the subject of the Vuvuzela.
We propose that the best way to deal with this annoying device is to declare "open season" on the players.
Suitable tradtions and rituals will in time develop, but as a starting point we suggest that hunters - who may be mounted or
on foot - hunt the Vuvuzela players using packs of Basenji (a breed of dog that does not, as such, "bark"). In place of the traditional English hunting horn, which produces a distinctive "toot - toot" sound, Vuvuzela hunters will signal by carrying powerful MP3 players loaded with recordings of John Cage's "Four Mimutes, Thirty-Three Seconds".
Clothing will be rustle free, and boots will be of felt.
Weapons would be at the user's discretion, as the favoured method of dispatching a Vuvuzela player is either manual strangulation, or the insertion of the instrument into a chosen bodily orofice with sufficent force that death supervenes. However, suppressed projectile weapons such as the L34A1 9mm sub machine gun or the MAC-10 with a Sionics supressor are favoured, as is the Fairbairn-Sykes fighting knife, long favoured by professionals in the skill of silent killing.
At social gatherings of Vuvuzela hunters, there will be community singing of Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence", acapella and very quietly.
"The dog that does not bark" [8th of 7, Jul 26 2010]
The Vuvuzela Hunter's Anthem [8th of 7, Jul 26 2010]
A useful bit of kit [8th of 7, Jul 26 2010]
Fairbairn-Sykes Fighting Knife
Does exactly what it says on the sheath ... [8th of 7, Jul 26 2010]
Very useful [8th of 7, Jul 26 2010]
native vuvuzela hunter
[xandram, Jul 26 2010]
[xandram, Jul 26 2010]
....where to bring them for gutting out and preservation [xenzag, Jul 28 2010]
||Don't you WANT to hear the Collective all of the time?
||Soon there will be efforts to "save the Vuvuzela
players" from extinction, with national marches, strikes and sit-ins until the government bans these
hunts altogether, or at least makes these hunts
||// efforts to "save the Vuvuzela players" from extinction, //
||No doubt they will find common cause with other such campaigns, such as "Save the Mosquito", "Save the Tsetse Fly" and "Save the Box Jellyfish"...
||No bag limit .... bait 'em, trap 'em, shoot 'em, kill 'em all !
||My neighbor vuvuzelas as he mows his lawn.
||//bait 'em, trap 'em, shoot 'em, kill 'em all !//
||You can club 'em with a club, you can brick 'em with a brick ...
||You can poke 'em in the eye with your eye pokin' stick ...
||We all make our livin'...