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What Is The Sound Of One Door Closing?

choose the sound of your car door
  (+5)
(+5)
  [vote for,
against]

The sound of a car door closing is very distinctive and totally unique to each vehicle. It's also a fixed entity until now, because "What Is The Sound Of One Door Closing" enables you to select a different sound at any time of your choosing. Here's how it works:
Contained within the door is a powerful speaker, amplifier and library of sounds. These are linked to an app that enables you to select the sound you want from a substantial collection. When you close the door the sound is delivered, at sufficient volume to supplant the existing closure noise.

For example:
Rolls Royce owners may like to enjoy the rusty creak and tinny clunk of a 2CV while the family saloon driver might relish the heavy clank of an armoured car door from time to time.

You can also choose the door closing sound to trigger an extended sequence of noises, such as when Tippi Hedren closes the door on her car as the crows begin their first attack in Hitchcock's timeless classic The Birds. In this case the door sound continues as the crows thud against the windows, roof and door panels.

Deluxe version also delivers a puff of the smell appropriate to your car door sound to further add to the experience.

note - I was going to post a Museum Of Car Doors With Sounds, but that localises the idea to a fixed place.

xenzag, Oct 18 2020

Silence, Please https://en.wikipedi...wiki/Silence_Please
Early suggestion of noise cancelling technology [kdf, Oct 18 2020]

Treating Xenzag’s title as a more than a koan... https://www.researc...e-Pa_fig2_297155286
..and replying to neutrinos_shadow’s concern about waveforms [kdf, Oct 18 2020]

[link]






       [+] brilliant, and can be easily integrated with existing car alarm tech.
kdf, Oct 18 2020
  

       One schoolbus special, please, medium loud
Voice, Oct 18 2020
  

       Panzer VI commander's hatch will do nicely.
8th of 7, Oct 18 2020
  

       We need the Inuktitut voice command to activate the atim-utapanashku: 'Kuist, kuist!!" (sounds like 'Whisht, whisht"). Could also be made available in Kalaallisut and Yupik for international markets.
Sgt Teacup, Oct 18 2020
  

       //Panzer VI commander's hatch will do nicely// I'm surprised you don't want the sound of Hitler's private train carriage door. It's on special offer, along with the sound of the bomb bay doors shutting on the Superfortress after the first atomic bomb was dropped.
xenzag, Oct 18 2020
  

       <Anecdote>
My Dad is a car geek. Many years ago (late '90s), a friend of mine pulled up at our house in his classic Mini. Before he had even turned off the engine, my Dad popped the bonnet, fiddled with something in the engine bay, then shut the lid again; about 3-4 seconds. By this time, my friend had stopped the engine, and opened the drivers door to get out.
And the horn went off.
In almost no time at all, my Dad had connected the horn to the door switch (possibly via the headlights). It was then that I realised that my Dad doesn't just know cars, he KNOWS cars.
</anecdote>
As for the idea, how to you get rid of the real car-door sound, for the "new" sound to replace? (Otherwise, the volume required will be uncomfortably loud...)
neutrinos_shadow, Oct 18 2020
  

       “...how to you get rid of the real car-door sound, for the "new" sound to replace?”
-neutrinos_shadow, Oct 18 2020
  

       Use a Fenton Silencer* (precursor to modern noise cancelling headphones). The same speaker device that plays the new door sound injects and inverse waveform of the door slam noise it’s replacing.   

       *Arthur C. Clarke, ever prescient (link)
kdf, Oct 18 2020
  

       It's an impact/"impulse", not a continuous waveform. I'm not sure that can be cancelled, the way a soundwave can be...
neutrinos_shadow, Oct 18 2020
  

       It's possibly a soliton (q.v.)
8th of 7, Oct 18 2020
  

       “The door-slam sound of a car consists of multiple impacts. The first impact, which is major one, normally comes from latch contact. The secondary impact, which is considered to affect the quality of the door-slam noise, occurs from various other panels and components.” (link)   

       As an aside, THIS kind of thing is why I visit Halfbakery. Even more than the witty repartee, I enjoy the endless stream of random puzzles and questions. Always something new, and more diverting than trying to solve the daily crossword or Sudoko.
kdf, Oct 18 2020
  

       It kind of scares me that I have a visual now of our poor [xenzag] getting his ear caught while slamming the car door. I remember how much a finger hurt, an ear, oh my heavens.
blissmiss, Oct 18 2020
  

       //As an aside, THIS kind of thing is why I visit Halfbakery. Even more than the witty repartee, I enjoy the endless stream of random puzzles and questions.//   

       Yep.   

       // more than the witty repartee //   

       You'd like it better if you had the means to join in...
8th of 7, Oct 18 2020
  

       I'll take a Death Star Iris Door if you don't mind, please?   

       Or maybe one that goes "Wrrrr..... Thank You!" in some irritatingly self-satisfied manner.
RayfordSteele, Oct 18 2020
  

       kdf: “(on liking the puzzles) more than the witty repartee...”
8th: “You'd like it better if you had the means to join in...”
  

       Oh, it’s quite enough to sit back and read yours. I couldn’t consider competing with someone who clearly puts so much time and effort into it.
kdf, Oct 19 2020
  

       I understood that engineering a silent or at least very quiet car door closure was trivial, but rejected by marketing who wanted their models to have a "signature" sound. So this is very plausible and could well catch on. Look at how electric cars have speakers to make a "broom broom" noise. See also the idea about custom electric car noises somewhere on this august website.
pocmloc, Oct 19 2020
  

       A multi-bolt safe with a short gear travel or something organically bio-mechanical, a sucky squishy knuckle pop, would be my choices until I got bored.
wjt, Oct 19 2020
  

       "electric cars have speakers to make a 'broom broom' noise."
-pocmloc, Oct 19 2020
  

       Only the street sweepers do that. Cars go "vroom, vroom."   

       Veh de vaca, no Beh de burro.
kdf, Oct 19 2020
  

       Never bother to shout at a donkey - you'll just end up a little hoarse ...
8th of 7, Oct 19 2020
  
      
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