Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Wine Bottle Derrick

drill for wine
  (+11, -1)(+11, -1)
(+11, -1)
  [vote for,

Wine Bottle Derrick is a little replica oil drilling platform that you attach to the top of your bottle of wine. Switch it on and watch as it dutifully drills through the cork and extends its telescopic shaft down to within a few millimetres of the bottom of the bottle.

Because the wine is not under pressure, it must be delivered by the platform's mechanical pumps, which are set to raise one complete glass-full at a time on pre-set intervals.

Comes with a tiny polar bear that will cling mournfully around the neck of the bottle.

xenzag, Jul 24 2012


       [+] and do we drink the wine from 50 gallon barrels?
xandram, Jul 24 2012

       I'd prefer that it came with a tiny St. Bernard dog outfitted with its own mini-keg around its neck to take care of the additional storage needed for the unconsumed wine being pumped at pre-set intervals.
jurist, Jul 25 2012

       Shoot in high-pressure steam and frack the wine out.
sqeaketh the wheel, Jul 25 2012

       You just like saying 'frack'.
Alterother, Jul 25 2012

       This will not work on bottles with smooth-necks.   

       My brother and I once tried to drill for wine. We were sat on the floor of a newly purchased unfurnished flat with a bottle of merlot, no cork screw, and an electric drill. We thought if we drill in slowly, we might be able to pull the cork out.   

       In the end we just drilled the cork to fuck and spent two hours devising ways to filter out the silt.
theleopard, Jul 25 2012

       Ha..... I can recall doing exactly the same thing as a student.
xenzag, Jul 26 2012

       I remember after a school play, the tech manager of the theatre (yes, it was a 'good' school) showed us how to open wine by drilling two pressure release holes on either side of the cork, then sinking a screw into the middle and withdrawing the cork with pliers by grabbing the screw head. It would have been forgettable except for the fact that he unnecessarily drilled *two* pressure release holes either side of the screw - the attention to detail only an engineer would show.   

       //Comes with a tiny polar bear that will cling mournfully around the neck of the bottle.//   

       There's your bun - right there.
wagster, Jul 27 2012

       Thanks.... knew someone would understand the Polar Bear reference.
xenzag, Jul 27 2012

       Coincidentally, this was my sommelier's nickname.
tatterdemalion, Jul 27 2012

       I think it's one o' them metty-fors, [Qwest] ol' buddy.
Alterother, Jul 27 2012

       //How does drinking wine endanger polar bears?// They tend to fall through holes in the ice and drown.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 27 2012

       That's a rural myth.   

       In fact, the consumption of red wine by arctic ursines causes excessive hair growth on the scrota of male polar bears. This unwanted hirsutness raises the temperature of their testes, rendering them infertile… the well known "hot balls" problem.   

       Thus it may truly be said the polar bear population is being significantly impacted by Global Warming …
8th of 7, Jul 27 2012


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