Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Your Profile on a Hatchet

  (+19, -3)(+19, -3)
(+19, -3)
  [vote for,

Our technicians will put your profile on a hatchet. (don't you want one already?) They all start off with nice pristine faces, but years later every one is totally different.

Some have their noses bashed in by encountering hidden nails, others have scars from glancing blows, miss-hits and rogue impacts against concrete or other non-wood surfaces.

I use mine to chop up wood dragged from skips, then keep it beside the bed, ready to burst open the head of any intruder, but it also looks good hanging over the fireplace instead of the usual landscape.

It's best to view the sample illustration before submitting a portrait. (we are very particular about our client range, and not all profiles are suitable)

xenzag, Mar 02 2010

Hatchet Face https://sodabred.tu...-a-hatchet-10-its-a
[xenzag, Mar 02 2010, last modified Aug 29 2019]

Bearded Axe http://www.myarmour...ew_em_beardaxe.html
Just in case Billy Gibbons ever wants one. [DrWorm, Mar 02 2010]

Axe Cop http://axecop.com/i...odes/read/episode_1
The perfect axe? [bungston, Mar 02 2010]


       Wouldn't it be simpler to use the *hatchet* on the intruders?
mouseposture, Mar 02 2010

       <eyes glaze over>   

       I *do* want a hatchet.   

       <mindlessly acquiesces pastry>
MikeD, Mar 02 2010

       [+] Great idea, love the illustration! ...would it be possible to have a "bearded axe"?
DrWorm, Mar 02 2010

       Can it come in Alfred Hitchcock's profile?
Ooh, or Nickelson's. Heeere's Johnny.

       Lips should be puckered in all profiles.   

       I'm used to having the indentations of faces on my axe blades, but not... I've said too much.
rcarty, Mar 02 2010

8th of 7, Mar 02 2010

       Imagine a scene in a scary movie where the buxom protagonist is frightened by a shadow that suddenly appears from behind her, but is relieved when she notices it's the distinguished and stunning features of her handsome love interest... but turns around to find it's an axe.   

       The horror!
rcarty, Mar 03 2010

       transferred illustration - first link
xenzag, Aug 29 2019

       Will the profile include your chosen headwear ?   

       If you affect a soft, flat felt cap, will that mean beret-ing the hatchet ?
8th of 7, Aug 29 2019

       Ha - if you want, 'yours' can feature a hat of choice
xenzag, Aug 29 2019

       Hang on a second.   

       I presume you want this axe to have an edge to it? If that's the case, then you can't have bits that stick out (or in) without altering the taper of the blade. In other words, your axe needs to be ground in three dimensions.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 29 2019

       I do love me some Axe Cop ...
normzone, Aug 30 2019


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