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Toblerone Guillotine

apparatus for chopping up Toblerone bars
  (+7, -1)
(+7, -1)
  [vote for,

Toblerone Guillotine is a multi bladed device into which a Toblerone bar can be inserted and chopped into its segments with one swift descent of its several parallel blades.

In the case of this device, the Toblerone is placed elongated along the front, with the blades descending at right angles, between the segments.

There is no need to unwrap the famous bar, as the blades will easily sever the packaging as well. This means that a fresh Toblerone can be guillotined, then shared as individually covered segments.

Most Toblerone have eight segments, so a seven blade guillotine is required to carry out the procedure.

Deluxe novelty French Revolution themed version comes with a row of miniature baskets to receive the severed pieces, which tip forward into them after the weighted row of blades completes its dastardly work.

xenzag, Oct 21 2019

Toeblerone https://sodabred.tu...this-halfbaked-idea
[xenzag, Oct 23 2019]


       //Toblerone //   

       I'm not touching one until they make them the pre-pre shrinkflation shape.
Voice, Oct 21 2019

       We would much prefer a single blade, operating sequentially, with a satisfying THUNK - whenever detachment of a fresh segment is required.   

       Nevertheless, [+]
8th of 7, Oct 21 2019

       I have never understood why Monsieur Toblerone designed his bar so viciously. He is, in effect, saying "OK, we'll put these deep valleys in, so the bastards have to bite really deeply to break off a chunk. But then we'll make the top bits really hard and pointy, to stab them in the palate as they do so. That'll show them." It's a good thing he died before he thought of embedding razor blades in the packaging, or concealing hypodemic nurdles in the foil wrapper.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 21 2019

       Hypodermic nurdles are the worst kind.
Voice, Oct 21 2019

       Cheers everyone. I just posted idea no 1300..... goes off to sleep on a bed of laurels.
xenzag, Oct 21 2019

       You have an impressive body of work.
Voice, Oct 21 2019

       I also work on an impressive body. Ha
xenzag, Oct 21 2019

       That is indisputable, but you'd better have power backup for the fridge; if you lose the cooling, it'll start to stink, and people will notice.
8th of 7, Oct 21 2019

       Guillotine with blade made from a Toblerone.
pocmloc, Oct 21 2019

       It would be difficult to sever a human neck with a Toblerone instead of a metal blade.   

       The angles are all wrong ... 60 degrees is far too obtuse to give a cutting edge, and the chocolate would experience plastic flow on impact (if warm) or experience brittle fracture (if cold).   

       We consider the best method is to start testing with a smaller vertebrate with lighter bones and musculature and establish some parameters.
8th of 7, Oct 21 2019

       I suspect that a frozen Toblerone with a velocity of 3-5000m/s could sever a human head.   

       This is, in fact, the reason why astronauts on the ISS are not allowed Toblerone. If one were dropped during an EVA, it would have to be tracked until (or unless) it de-orbited.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 21 2019

       To me, the Toblerone is almost sacred. I have many Toblerone ideas in my notebooks.
xenzag, Oct 21 2019

       1300 ideas! wonderful and glad to hear it!
beanangel, Oct 22 2019

       Structurally, a Toblerone isn't a million miles away from being a linear chocolate orange with additional bracing along the outer edge. I'm not sure that's entirely relevant, but thought I'd chip in.   

       And congrats xenzag - 1300 ideas over ~14 years averages out at something like 2 a week - a magnificent achievement.
zen_tom, Oct 22 2019

       My daughter's favorite food. Thanks for the gadget to make her life easier. I shall write her and let her know it will soon be on the shelves.
blissmiss, Oct 22 2019

       Old Toblerone illustration I did for a collection of work on Toes (link) It's a bit "wrong", but most people won't/didn't notice.
xenzag, Oct 23 2019

       Nice! [+]. I seem to remember that there was some interesting history behind Toblerone. I’ll link if I can find it.
Frankx, Oct 23 2019

       //some interesting history behind Toblerone. I’ll link if I can find it.//   

       The Intercalary has some _very_ interesting history with a Toblerone, but fortunately we kept the video off the web.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 23 2019

       I just like the mad shape, that's totally unlike everything else, plus the name of course. They were always a little bit exotic and original and they still are. They're tough buggers to draw, especially if you don't have one in front if you. Try it and see.
xenzag, Oct 23 2019

       What if you have one behind you ?
8th of 7, Oct 23 2019

       Have a go.
xenzag, Oct 23 2019

       No, no, after you ... "Age before Beauty" and all that ...   

       ([MB] has been instructing us in "gentlemanly" behaviour. So far, this seems to consist of shouting at and striking servants, drinking to excess, and using indoor plants as an alternative to more conventional sanitary appliances. But apparently there is more to it ...)
8th of 7, Oct 23 2019

       Damn - i tried again and still ended up with row of toes.
xenzag, Oct 23 2019

       The gaps are the weakest point of the Toblerone's structure. A small pressure grenade set at the optimum spot should do the trick.
tatterdemalion, Oct 23 2019

       //[MB] has been instructing us in "gentlemanly" behaviour// I've been doing my best. But it's basically like trying to teach calculus to a fruitfly. We started with "not farting", and by the end of the seventeenth lesson we'd got as far as "not farting".
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 23 2019

       We have explained the importance of maintaining pressure equilibrium; and further, it appears to be a case of "Do as I say, not as I do" ...   

       And we are not convinced that "being a gentleman" makes it obligatory to consume a large curried baked bean omelette with brown bread and eleventeen pints of Real Ale as a "snack" every night at bedtime.
8th of 7, Oct 24 2019

       Another consideration is a continuous toblerone manufacturing method used to drive a rack/pinion mechanism could solve the world's energy problems
tatterdemalion, Oct 24 2019

       An Abt rack-and-pinion railway built from Toblerone would be a singularly appropriate way of ascending steep Swiss inclines, although it might well fall victim to problems similar to those afflicting Brunel's Atmospheric railway ...
8th of 7, Oct 24 2019

       //atmospheric railway//... the leather flaps might freeze up?
Frankx, Oct 24 2019

       Worse than that; the flaps were sealed by greased leather, which was attractive to rats as a foodstuff.   

       It would be disagreeable to be ascending a mountain only to find that tourists had eaten the rack, impeding further progress ;still more disagreeable would be encountering the same scenario whilst descending ...   

       Abt rack trains have a special brake car which engages its pinion with the rack in case of runaway, although normally the locomotive does the braking. This is to prevent gravity producing an effect knowm as "Swiss Roll".
8th of 7, Oct 24 2019

       On the topic of Toblerone bars, do you know why they’re shaped the way they are?   


       A: To fit into their box. (sorry)
AusCan531, Oct 25 2019

       hahaha. I laughed.
blissmiss, Oct 26 2019

       Shirley would slice her Toblerone with a miniature Swiss Guard halberd.
Cuit_au_Four, Oct 27 2019

       Would that be a full-size halberd belonging to a very small Swiss Guard, or a small halberd owned by a normal-sized Swiss Guard ?   

       The former makes more sense, 'cos if he's only little it will probably* be easier to take it off him.   

       *The aggression of Swiss Guards is not necessarily directly correlated to their physical stature.
8th of 7, Oct 27 2019

       // *The aggression of Swiss Guards is not necessarily directly correlated to their physical stature. //   

       It may however have something to do with carrying an Uzi while being dressed as a court jester.
FlyingToaster, Oct 27 2019


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