Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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"AI" Customer Service That Actually Works

That "robot" on the line can sense your mood, answer any question, even make jokes.
  [vote for,

How do they do it? It's a person imitating a robot. They still have access to data, the customer's questions are transcribed automatically so they can, with a little help from the faux robo-operator, look up information in a database, but it's got that human element to make things actually work. For instance, you'll never hear: "You want to... cook an airline ticket. Is that correct? Looking up recipes for... cook an airline ticket... now."

Question: Why?

Answer: People might be more at ease thinking this is a robot not a human. They don't have to be polite, they can just get down to business. And here's our company promise:

Fauxbot Answering Services will never:

1- Ask you how you're doing today. 2- Engage in long winded goodbyes that should be reserved for women chasing their lover as they hang out the window while their train pulls out of the station on the way to war. 3- Care if you say "Oh great, a fucking robot!'

Not that robots care either but our operators are trained to think like a soulless automaton but communicate like a human. (but with a robot voice)

doctorremulac3, Jan 18 2020

Our first employee https://www.youtube...watch?v=uQDDGriA1lk
[doctorremulac3, Jan 18 2020]

Another example https://www.youtube...watch?v=6nzqwUSe-0s
[doctorremulac3, Jan 18 2020]

Why Kubrick chose Daisy as the song HAL sang as it got shut down. https://www.youtube...watch?v=41U78QP8nBk
[doctorremulac3, Jan 19 2020]


       // People might be more at ease thinking this is a robot not a human. They don't have to be polite, they can just get down to business. //   

       What if you're totally at ease treating a human as nothing more than a collection of components, but treat computers with affection and respect ?
8th of 7, Jan 18 2020

       cynical [+], but probably already baked
Voice, Jan 18 2020

       Another effect you could add to this would be a voice changer tuned just a few cents higher or lower than your regular voice where you'd push a button at various times in the sentence to look like it was pieced together from recordings done at different times.   

       "Please stand by while I research... RESORTS FOR FAT PEOPLE... Thank you for waiting, I found 3... RESORTS FOR FAT PEOPLE... within your budget."
doctorremulac3, Jan 18 2020

       Called a Federal line several times last month to sort some things out. Their (human) delivery was so precise and articulate that each time I thought it was a carefully rehearsed recorded message. Of course now I've been waiting a month for them to get on with it, but at least talking with them was a pleasure.
FlyingToaster, Jan 19 2020

       How could you tell if it was robot or human?   

       One things robots never do is just make noise while they type, like "Ohhhhkayy, you're all.... set.".   

       You could have the robots do more human stuff like that but it would just confuse. Although the occasional "Whoopsie daisy" might be endearing.   

       You should also be able to chose if you want your robot to swear. Computers saying stuff like "If you're pissed off about something, push 2. If we fucked up your order, press 3. If the product was shit, press 4." would be neato.   

       I'd always chose maximum foul language. Don't know why, I just would.
doctorremulac3, Jan 19 2020

       // Although the occasional "Whoopsie daisy" might be endearing //   

       Or perhaps singing...   


       "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you ... "   


       A movie with a bitter, cynical foul-mouthed misanthropic AI as a principal character would be interesting; in so many depictions, the computer is calm, even-tempered and polite.
8th of 7, Jan 19 2020

       The first ten million years were the fucking worst.
pertinax, Jan 19 2020

       The second were the worst too.   

       I'm sure 8th already knows this but there's a reason Stanley Kubrick had HAL sing Daisy as it got shut down. (link)
doctorremulac3, Jan 19 2020

       Indeed we do.   

       // Your biopic, 8th? //   

       No, for the purposes of the movie it would probably be necessary for the character to have some minimally likeable characteristic, or a minor redeeming feature.   

       We, however, eschew such weaknesses and have no likeable or redeeming features whatsoever.
8th of 7, Jan 19 2020


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