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"Adopt" a pregnant teen

People looking to adopt a baby can "adopt" a pregnant teen during her pregnancy
  [vote for,

*Wasn't quite sure which category to put this in - suppose this one will do*

We all know that there is nothing that can be done to completely prevent teenage girls from having babies. It's going to happen - so rather than have millions of neglected babies, or unnecessary abortions - this is my "solution" -----

An agency matches people who are seeking to adopt a newborn with a pregnant teen who does not desire or is not able to keep her baby. The person/couple seeking the adoption would be responsible for taking care of the teen & paying for any medical bills until the baby was born.

I think many girls (teens especially) have abortions because they are ashamed & they do not want anyone to SEE that they are pregnant. By going to live with the adoptive parents during the 9 months (or less - however long she chooses to live with them) - she would be able to avoid having anyone see her pregnant (assuming she were in a different town/city/state) thus keeping her privacy. Also a lot of pregnant teens are troubled - living in poverty, do not do good in school, etc. By living with the adoptive person/family she would get a chance to be away from her usual lifestyle & maybe this would reform her - and help her to see there is a life outside of how she has grown up.

Another plus is that the adoptive parent would know where their baby came from - and if all involved parties chose to do so then when the baby was older they could explain to them who their birth mother was & this could save a lot of heartache later on in life when & if the child wants to find their birth parents.

A few other plus sides to this is that the teen would be able to see that her baby was going to a good home; she could be tutored by the family while she was living with them (encouraging her to stay in school); this might prevent some teens from doing drastic things when they are pregnant - like illegal abortions, or the girls that we have all read about in the news who hide their pregnancy from everyone & when they baby is born they throw it in a dumpster or a toilet (this has actually happened a few times near where I live) :(

funkychunky, Apr 11 2003

(?) Another point of view http://www.exiledmo...tees_and_truth.html
Not necessarily mine... [dbsousa, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Ae Ran Won http://aeranwon.org/
I hope you can read Korean [FloridaManatee, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) I Wish for You a Beautiful Life http://www.yeongandyeong.com/life.htm
Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children [FloridaManatee, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) A Modest Proposal - by Jonathan Swift 1729 http://www.cwrl.ute...16ktexts/swift.html
Wot [Cola] was referring to [FloridaManatee, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]


       C'mon Kameleon! This is the year 2003!!! Iron underpants?! No way in hell you could get teen girls to wear iron UNDERPANTS!! We need Iron THONGS! ;)
funkychunky, Apr 11 2003

       That's true - but maybe while the girl was living with the parents they would form a close bond and could stay in contact - then the girl could see the baby whenever she chose to if this was agreed on by everyone. The adoptive parents could almost be like a second family for the girl. Also, this might give the new parents some experience with children!
funkychunky, Apr 11 2003

       I am a little worried that this idea might come across the wrong way - as if I am trying to lift the burden from teen mothers & let them have a "free ride" while they are pregnant. I realize it might seem this way - but basically what I am saying is that these girls are going to get pregnant if this program was available or not - so why not do something to ensure the baby will be safe & healthy. At the same time it might encourage the girl to get her life on track if she lives with a more fortunate family for a while. (not saying that all teen pregnancies are to poverty stricken girls)
funkychunky, Apr 11 2003

       Not true actually [TomBomb] - many adoptions are 'open adoptions' now, where the adoptive parents and biological mother have a fair amount of contact and may well keep in touch as the child grows up.
hippo, Apr 11 2003

       //We all know that there is nothing that can be done to completely prevent teenage girls from having babies.//
Possibly not, but it's worth considering that the incidences of teen pregnancy in UK and in Holland show quite a significant correlation to the level of state benefits available to unmarried mothers.
angel, Apr 12 2003

       The idea is noble but I don't think girls are getting abortions mostly because they are ashamed. I'm sure FEAR is a very big factor in their decision-making process. I think a mandatory school course on 'Real Life and Real Consequences' for both sexes would serve better.
Twibble, Apr 12 2003

       The teens would be like au pair girls, maybe called avec l'enfant girls.
FarmerJohn, Apr 12 2003

       Just to clear things up: birth control can prevent unwanted pregnancies.   

       Not that we don't all know that and know that there is resistance to the idea in certain quarters; nevertheless it is available to most young people in Western societies. I understand the present idea deals with pregnancies that are already in effect. I just thought I'd throw it out there as an idea of how to prevent unwanted pregnancies before they occur.
snarfyguy, Apr 13 2003

       snarfyguy, while birth control is a means to help prevent unwanted pregnancy, it is not 100% perfect. ~~~~~~~~   

       Also, to the idea that her being sent away would subject her to teasing because people would know why she's gone....they would know why she's getting fat if she sticks around. and just because her family sees her going through this struggle, they may not give her as much support as someone who is looking forward to raising the baby in a loving household. Now, i'd certainly say if the girl's parents support her from the beginning than she should just stay at home with them, but if they would be so upset by her that they would possibly kick her out, the best place for her and the baby would be another loving household. And there are plenty of other things about the whole pregnancy, and giving up your child, that would make give this a feeling other than glamour.   

       While this idea certainly isn't perfect, it certainly presents some good ideas. Teenage pregnancy is a hard thing to understand unless you have been directly affected by it.
Puresoul, Apr 13 2003

       Swift wrote an interesting peice of satirical lit. on eating babies. This made me think of it
colaaddict, Apr 13 2003

       If you think the problem is bad in the west, where there is a little shame associated with teenage pregnancy, nothing will prepare you for Korea.   

       In this tradionally confucian society, the shame is much worse. Pregnant girls are often thrown out by their parents to fend for themselves. Abortions are also very common in teen pregnancies. Yes, this is a gross generalisation, but I believe it is an accurate one.   

       I would have happily adopted a pregnant teen or two, but I am not sure my partner would be too happy with my bringing back a pretty, pregnant youngster after my many business trips there. Instead, I have made a donation to Aeranwon, a halfway house for abandoned pregnant teens.   

       Please give generously.
FloridaManatee, Apr 13 2003

       angel- a correlation doesnt establish causaltiy. the level of benefits could be, and probably is, increasing to accomodate an increasing number of pregancies as much as the other way around.   

       "Doesn't this advocate, approve, and advertise teenage pregnancies and under-age sex as being okay? There are no consequences other than a free nine month trip away" -kameleon   

       kam, pregancy isnt 'without consequences. try having a baby sometime. even with modern technology its dangerous to give birth, as well as painful. it requires a great amount of sacrifice.   

       fairly often chicks have a kid, and then almost die, then either are infertile or are in serious risk of death if they give birth again. then, if they lose that baby, they are barren for the rest of their lives and cant have kids when theyre ready to. pregnancy is a pain in the ass, too. you dont just walk around w/ a fricken weight in your stomach, boys. backaches, foot aches, headaches, wierd eating, vomiting, funky emotional shite that drives you crazy-   

       honestly, i only think pregant teens should give a kid up for adoption if they personally have religious issue with it(.. and not getting knocked up?!), and otherwise have an abortion.   

       "And isn't the opportunity to help a childless family adopt making under-age sex and teenage pregnancy glamerous?" - kam   

       yah, nothing more glamerous than looking like you swallowed a watermellon, hon.
dumpstergirl, Apr 15 2003

       "And a girl having to be pregnant and having people see that she is pregnant will discourage her from having under-age sex again, and will discourage others from doing so as well."   

       -how about better child support, which will discourage men and underage boys from having unprotected sex with underage girls? maybe puttin the cost of pregancy on the mans tab, since she does the physical work? <evil snicker> men will make SURE the sex is as safe as it can be...
dumpstergirl, Apr 15 2003

       //how about better child support//
Don't even start with me on that one.
thumbwax, Apr 15 2003

       //the level of benefits could be, and probably is, increasing to accomodate an increasing number of pregancies as much as the other way around.//
The *sum* of benefits obviously increases as the number of claimants increases; my point is the value of benefits to an individual is higher in UK than in Netherlands, as is the incidence (per capita) of teen pregnancy. High levels of state child benefit are no disencentive to careless breeding.
How would better child support "discourage men and underage boys from having unprotected sex"? (See above)
How do you intend to put "the cost of pregancy on the mans tab"? Very often, the responsible male (assuming that the female knows who it is) is either incapable of providing any financial support or unwilling to do so.
angel, Apr 15 2003

       //Pregnancy isn't a fantastic experience//   

       Must depend on the individual...I thought it was.   

       //"And a girl having to be pregnant and having people see that she is pregnant will discourage her from having under-age sex again, and will discourage others from doing so as well."//   

Helium, Apr 15 2003

       The average father of a child born to a teen mother is over 21 years old. Teen pregnancy is mostly about children being exploited by adults. Keep the chickenhawks away, and you solve most of the problem.
dbsousa, Apr 15 2003

       In my experience (such as it is) forethought is a luxury for those who intend to have children and not generally for those that don't.   

       In this world of AIDS, Syphilis, Hepatitis, statutory rape charges and angry fathers with handguns, I doubt either shame or child support would factor heavily in the minds of horny youngsters.   

       Therefore, any incentive on offer, be it generous levels of paternal or state child support might possibly influence mothers seeking that income, but penalties won't influence those who are likely to find themselves pregnant out of carelessness.   

       For example, societies that severely punish or ostracize unmarried parents are not completely without the problem.   

       The only workable solution is to provide the care, education and guidance to prevent unwanted pregnancies, but backed up by adequate support (equally pro-life and pro-choice) for those who find themselves pregnant.   

       For that reason, I support this idea (+), although IMO, it falls far short of an optimal solution.
FloridaManatee, Apr 15 2003

       Like I said before, I didn't intend for this program to glamorize teen pregnancy and also it wasn't meant to be a "solution" either. The whole premise for this idea would be to save an innocent baby, to give it a good life that a teenager most likely would not be able to. This would prevent some teens from dumping a baby in a toilet because they were ashamed of being a teen mom. This would give a woman who was unable to have a baby an opportunity to adopt a newborn child. This program wasn't necessarily meant to benefit the teen - although it probably would in some ways. The teen wouldn't be on "vacation" - they would be required to attend school. Many teens are already high school dropouts when they get pregnant or they drop out shortly after conceiving, so this would force them to attend school - perhaps private tutoring which may encourage them to complete their schooling.
funkychunky, Apr 15 2003

       Of course people KNOW about adoption agencies - but for many people I think it would be a benefit to get to know the birth mother of this child before it's born - and they can see to it that the teen is being responsible while pregnant - not drinking, smoking, doing drugs and making sure the teen is getting proper exercise & eating healthy. With your average adoption agency this information would be unknown. This would also give people a chance to adopt newborns - which from what I have read is a hard thing to do since there is such a high demand for newborns. I do think it would be best though to adopt older orphan children, but you can't force people to do this if they would rather have an infant.
funkychunky, Apr 15 2003

       Imagine yourself adopting a child - would you not like to know where this baby has come from? Would you not like to know if the birth mother was a crack addict or downing bottles of vodka while pregnant?   

       If both parties chose to remain anonymous they do not have to go to this particular type of agency - but I think if I found myself unable to have a child & wanted to adopt I would want to get to know the birth mother so that I could tell my child everything about her if they wanted to know when they were older, as many adopted children do I assume.   

       *Just want to make it clear here -- I have never been a pregnant teen, been adopted, or have adopted a child - so these are all my assumptions - I would like to hear opinions from people who do fall into one of those categories though - it would be very interesting I think*
funkychunky, Apr 15 2003

       Just thought maybe someone here on HB would have experience with one of these situations seeing that there are so many members here.
funkychunky, Apr 15 2003

       Yes, I see your point [Kameleon] - I guess what I was trying to say was that if the teen was living with the adopting parents then most likely the girl would not be ALLOWED to do drink & do drugs & since she would be far away from her friends she wouldn't be tempted into this behavior. Then the adopting parents could be sure that they have a healthy baby.
funkychunky, Apr 15 2003

       Three years ago, my wife and I took in a troubled teen, who had been part of our lives for years, but not our direct responsibility until age 14. It proved to be an incredible strain on every aspect of our lives. Teens are incredibly volatile and sensitive while being the most calloused and hurtful beings imaginable. It was also one of the most rewarding things I have done. He graduated in June and is attending the local CSU.

My point is that teens are difficult to deal with in any circumstance and severely troubled teens, (pregnancy, drug abuse, etc.) need professional help and care. While your Idea is a nice one and well meant, I don’t think it is executable.
ato_de, Apr 15 2003

       I just heard (a month ago) about a similar program that does exist. My Godmother volunteered for a program (I think through the Catholic Chruch, but I'm not sure) and took in a pregnant teenage girl. The girl gave birth and gave the baby up for adoption.   

       A little different than your idea, but not too different.
talldave, Jul 06 2003

       I am in a position wherein with my work, I am required to inquire of each pregnant mother about to give birth of the identity, age, and health of the father. Often the mother being questioned is not inlcined to reveal the father's identity and make it public record, which leaves the identity of the father known only to the mother. For some reason young unwed and inexperienced mothers feel an unnecessary need to protect the father's identity, although her own identity is never protected. Protecting the identity of the father does nothing to benefit her. In fact this only helps to alleviate the father's legal responsibility of any future child support. It is only in the best interest of the mother and of the child for the mother to clearly indentify the father of each pregnancy, in order to have an avenue of legal recourse in getting the father to pay his share of child support.   

       To all young women who become pregnant especially those out of wedlock, I would advise that for your own good you give the full name of your child's father, his current address, his employer, his social security number, and his date of birth. If you don't identify him, he will probably never give you one cent in child support. You may not be ready to accept this right now, but if he has no legal ties to you, he will probably forget all about you in a year or two, while he is out dating other girls with no children to tie them down. He may even cause some of these other women to become pregnant just like he did with you. Think about that when you are promising him that you will keep his identity a secret. Think twice before you agree to protect him. Think about yourself and your own future. Do the best thing for your child and for yourself: identify the true father of your child whenever asked. Never forget his name, no matter what happens, so you can add his name to the record and get the money you deserve.
zythman, Dec 28 2003


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