h a l f b a k e r y
Not so much a thought experiment as a single neuron misfire.
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The UK will leave the EU in Autumn 2019.
2020 is the 80th anniversary of the Dunkirk evacuation.
It seems apposite to celebrate both events by re-enacting the evacuation,
but ths time getting it right.
Firstly, a large group of British volunteers would be recruited,
and would congregate
in southern Belgium. They would then form a rampaging
mob, making their way slowly through france to Dunkirk and Calais, leaving
total devastation* in their wake; towns burnt, bridges blown up, railways
Behind them will come contingents of the Bundeswehr, in parade order,
handing out leaflets politely explaining "We Are The Masters Now", and
exchanging Euros for Deutschmarks.
At the ports, the British will leave on a motley assembly of ships,
those which took part in the original evacuation being reserved for
VIPs** and the media.
There will be a flypast by historic aircraft, parades of period vehicles,
staged battle re-enactments, Anglo-German goodwill dinners, and speeches,
after which Dunkirk will be burnt to the ground.
When all the British have safely left, the flotilla will return to take
up any french who wish to depart, but they will then be taken down-channel
and pushed overboard during the night, accompanied by gleeful cries of "Au revoir, Pierre !"
and "Where's your bloody Charles de Gaulle now, eh ?"
In the south coast ports, returnees will receive biscuits and mugs
of hot tea before being presented wuth commemorative medallions,
hats, Union Flag T-shirts, and a parchment scroll from the German Chancellor
inscribed "For you, Tommy, the war is over".
After an address by Her Majesty the Queen, thanking them, they will
then disperse for a series of monumental piss-ups in their home
regions, at which bully beef butties will be served.
*They could if they wish devastate Belgium too, but it's unlikely to be
**The Americans will of course be invited, but will not turn up until
2022, two years late (as usual).
Hey There EU?
Lead singer Guy Verhofstadt? [Skewed, Aug 15 2019]
Gratuitous reference -
Glenda K. Richter would be very upset with me ... [normzone, Aug 15 2019]
||This reads suspiciously like Sturton coming back from holiday.
He too complained about the motley assembly of chips on the
boat ride home.
||Isn't this essentially just the fans itinerary of any UEFA football
match where England plays someone from Europe in Europe in
||//**The Americans will of course be invited, but will not
turn up until 2022, two years late (as usual).//
||Now it was our understanding that if we attended two
European based world wars we'd get our third for free.
||Until then, congratulations on dumping this idea of tying
the knot with Germany and France so you can form some
kind of "USA II". You're better off running your own affairs
believe me. Let Germany play their European domination,
mean, global economy games on their own.
||Really guys, quit trusting the Germans already OK? Jeez.
We might end up being the "United Soviet States Of
America" pretty soon so you might be on your own for the
next go around.
||I tried to tell him my fingers are not chips.
||Dont forget to tell them to bring wheelbarrows to
carry all the cash they will need (especially if
theyre using sterling) to pay for their train
journeys north, once they reach the English
southern coast. (for those who live in the colonies
and dont know, the UKs trains are the most
expensive, slowest, most infrequent, most often
late, most overcrowded, and most often broken
down or cancelled in the entire developed world)
In Europe they are a constant source of smug
merriment as we scoot around on our fab TGVs.
||I resent that! We may be behind, but the US is definitely still to be considered part of the developed world!
||Isnt there a plan to connect Washington to New
York with a giant elongated speaking tube, with
relaying booths punctuating the entire route so
that messages are delivered via a Chinese whisper
||//we scoot around on our fab TGVs //
||You did read the line about "towns burnt, bridges blown up, railways wrecked.", didn't you ?
||That includes the rolling stock, altho Siemens will no doubt gladly sell some more, at extortionate prices.
||For me the classic British military fuck-up that has more resonance with Brexit has to be The
Charge of the Light Brigade - rich folk making snap judgments without thinking them through,
neither holding nor caring about all the facts - driven largely by ego and inter-personal
rivalry, encouraging a cap-doffing proletariat to shoulder the consequences, and then spinning
it into some kind of jingoistic tale of heroism.
||"350 mil a week, 350 mil a week,
Bendy banana directives!"
A torrent of lies
Spake the Brex-dred.
"Brexit, Lexit, any way you want's it!"
Promised the corrupted.
||"Forward, Article 50!"
Was there a Brexiter dismayed?
Even though they all knew
Someone had blundered.
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs just to spin more lies.
Into chaos and recession - eyes wide
Rode the 300 (Conservative MPs)
||Farage (only marginally) to the right of them
Corbyn to the far left of them
Vested interests behind
Who Lobbied and Plundered
Ignoring facts and experts alike
Boldly talking all kinds of shite
Pretending it would be all-right.
Rode the 300.
||Spouting sound-bites into the air,
Churning up old War-talk - fair?
"All the foreign Krauts over there!
Need us more than we need them!"
While all the world wondered.
Plunged into a frozen penitence
Right at a time of a resurgence
Of Cossack and Russian.
Funded by wealthy Eggs
Ready to hoover up the dregs
Of a thousand lost businesses.
So were played the 300.
||I read your words [zen] but all I hear is this [link], with
'Cthulhu' in the lyrics replaced by 'EU', sung by Guy Verhofstadt
with a backing chorus of Europhiles & #FBPE loons :p
||Its not loony to care about the place you live.
||But it is loony to demand it's destruction while yelling that
you're doing it to save everyone.
||Who of course then all die
because you destroyed their home & livelihood.
||I'm quaking in my boots over Brexit. I mean, we've all barely
recovered from the global catastrophe of the Y2K bug.
||//we've all barely recovered from the global catastrophe of
the Y2K bug//
||Does that mean we have or we haven't?
||Just wondering if it's safe to leave my Y2K bunker or not.
||Nice work, [zen_tom]. Now I have to see if I can find ...
||Ah, there it is - See the link, if you please.
||//But it is loony to demand it's destruction while yelling that you're doing it to save
everyone.// - agreed, and yet people *still* demand, despite all the evidence, we
continue with the Brexit nonsense.
||It is not even remotely controversial to say this course of action has not gone well
so far. The "easiest deal in the world" and "Brexit dividends" are now very much
slogans of the past in the light of actual events. Events predicted, pooh-poohed
and dismissed as "project fear" more than 3 years ago. Still, the pointless march
into an expensive mess continues.
||//the global catastrophe of the Y2K bug// the main difference between Brexit and
the Y2K bug was the Y2K bug was not routinely hyped as an "opportunity". Yes,
lots of COBOL programmers were able to charge impressive day-rates and big-4
consultancies did extremely well off of it. And, perhaps, as a result, some
investment was spent on systems that might otherwise have languished in an
unmaintained state. But while both certainly cost many millions to sort out, the Y2K
bug wasn't an Albatross imposed by choice - without a concerted up-front effort to
solve, many systems could well have experienced problems - in the end, after
spending 100's of billions - the non event was just that - mission accomplished. It's
one thing to have to perform a chore to mitigate a risk, and there's another in
applying self imposed economic sanctions to the advantage of competing nation
states, border-straddling multinationals and opportunistic disaster capitalists.
||Thanks [norm]!- and not gratuitous at all - there is nothing like a ballad to provide
||Brexit will have no effect on many of its
protagonists, like Bonkers Boris, James Dismal
Dyson, Fruit Cake Farage etc, as all of their
investments have been either shifted out of the UK
and into Euros or to places like Singapore. Its the
poorly informed saps in places like Scunthorpe or
Wigan or Hartlepool who will wake up with no job,
and be facing the hard edge of total chaos. Instead
of setting fire to the fertile fields of France, they
may well end up burning their own furniture to
stay warm this winter.
||Quite - If you've an income stream denoted in a foreign currency, then relative to everyone else in the country,
Brexit will be a positive boon. We've already lost an approximate 1/3 of our sovereignty as measured in purchasing
power measured in Cable which has dropped from ~1.7 in 2015 to 1.2 today.
||Normally a country would have to lose a small war to achieve a similar effect.
||Poorer folks will undoubtedly have the option to wave their little flags, and while hairdressers, shopkeepers and
betting shop owners wont feel any direct impact (unless they're Polish and are deported along with their families
as being no longer welcome in today's "modern, outward looking democracy") they will instead feel the indirect
squeeze of a weaker pound, inflation, rising interest rates making debt more expensive, and higher taxes to offset
the loss in government takings due to the repressed business environment and loss of long-term inward investment.
||Our international standing will become further eroded as peak-manufacturing like Airbus and complex supply-chain
fulfillment will decline, taking high paying, highly technical jobs and expertise with them - undoing decades of
incremental investment. Sunderland, Swindon already having announced massive factory closures and winding down of
once profitable businesses. Farmers will find the additional 40% tariffs applied to their meat produce will put
them below the already marginal profitability margin, so any rich folk who ever fancied buying up great swathes of
farmland should be polishing their monocles with relish at the opportunity.
||Here in London, we'll be somewhat protected from much of this as head-offices hire logistics, software experts and
hordes of lawyers to mitigate (and indeed in many cases, find ways to profit from) the costs of operating in a more
complicated, bureaucratic cross-border environment - there will be *huge* arbitrage opportunities - for those ready
to take advantage of them - naturally. So at least the sharpest decline will be felt most acutely in the provinces
who voted for it.
||But yes, the proles will be able to wave their flags and reminisce about 2 world wars and one world cup. Just as
they are free to do now of course. Only this time, they will have the added feeling of having won something to
cling onto. Well done them. Congrat-u-fucking-lations.
||The *real* worry of course, is that having clearly shown a willingness to hurt themselves over a few empty slogans;
What, (and for whom) after it continues to go so obviously, inexorably wrong, will they vote for in the next 5
||//Farmers will find the additional 40% tariffs applied to their meat
||Can I just mention that, over the last few years, the UK has
consistently imported about 2.5 times more food from the EU than
we have exported to the EU (25-35bn imports vs 10-14bn exports).
The likelihood that the EU will insist on 40% tariffs is zero.
||In the event of a no-deal Brexit, the EU will do what is best for the
EU, and the UK will do what's best for the UK. In practical terms,
those two things align to a large extent.
||Well, yes, that's what happens when you're negotiating
something: you agree all the things you agree on nice and
quickly and then you fight over the things you disagree on.
No amount of "our interests are aligned" (a line I have to my
shame used more than a few times) will get you past (a)
there are areas where interests are not aligned and (b) in
respect of those non aligned areas, the biggest boy gets the
better deal. In a no deal situation, the UK is not the biggest
||Isn't there a Unix roll-over 2030 or summat like
||Babbage Difference Engines will jam if given a year after
2027, since this is 50/7ths of 28378. Unless preventative
action is taken, the main carriage pawls are likely to be