Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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"Out of Europe" re-enactment

How appropriate ...
  [vote for,

The UK will leave the EU in Autumn 2019.

2020 is the 80th anniversary of the Dunkirk evacuation.

It seems apposite to celebrate both events by re-enacting the evacuation, but ths time getting it right.

Firstly, a large group of British volunteers would be recruited, and would congregate in southern Belgium. They would then form a rampaging mob, making their way slowly through france to Dunkirk and Calais, leaving total devastation* in their wake; towns burnt, bridges blown up, railways wrecked.

Behind them will come contingents of the Bundeswehr, in parade order, handing out leaflets politely explaining "We Are The Masters Now", and exchanging Euros for Deutschmarks.

At the ports, the British will leave on a motley assembly of ships, those which took part in the original evacuation being reserved for VIPs** and the media.

There will be a flypast by historic aircraft, parades of period vehicles, staged battle re-enactments, Anglo-German goodwill dinners, and speeches, after which Dunkirk will be burnt to the ground.

When all the British have safely left, the flotilla will return to take up any french who wish to depart, but they will then be taken down-channel and pushed overboard during the night, accompanied by gleeful cries of "Au revoir, Pierre !" and "Where's your bloody Charles de Gaulle now, eh ?"

In the south coast ports, returnees will receive biscuits and mugs of hot tea before being presented wuth commemorative medallions, hats, Union Flag T-shirts, and a parchment scroll from the German Chancellor inscribed "For you, Tommy, the war is over".

After an address by Her Majesty the Queen, thanking them, they will then disperse for a series of monumental piss-ups in their home regions, at which bully beef butties will be served.

*They could if they wish devastate Belgium too, but it's unlikely to be noticeable.

**The Americans will of course be invited, but will not turn up until 2022, two years late (as usual).

8th of 7, Aug 14 2019

Hey There EU? https://www.youtube...watch?v=XxScTbIUvoA
Lead singer Guy Verhofstadt? [Skewed, Aug 15 2019]

Gratuitous reference - Banzai_20Baseball
Glenda K. Richter would be very upset with me ... [normzone, Aug 15 2019]


       This reads suspiciously like Sturton coming back from holiday. He too complained about the motley assembly of chips on the boat ride home.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 14 2019

       Isn't this essentially just the fans itinerary of any UEFA football match where England plays someone from Europe in Europe in the 80's?
Skewed, Aug 14 2019

       //**The Americans will of course be invited, but will not turn up until 2022, two years late (as usual).//   

       Now it was our understanding that if we attended two European based world wars we'd get our third for free.   

       Until then, congratulations on dumping this idea of tying the knot with Germany and France so you can form some kind of "USA II". You're better off running your own affairs believe me. Let Germany play their European domination, I mean, global economy games on their own.   

       Really guys, quit trusting the Germans already OK? Jeez. We might end up being the "United Soviet States Of America" pretty soon so you might be on your own for the next go around.
doctorremulac3, Aug 15 2019

       I tried to tell him my fingers are not chips.
Voice, Aug 15 2019

       Don’t forget to tell them to bring wheelbarrows to carry all the cash they will need (especially if they’re using sterling) to pay for their train journeys north, once they reach the English southern coast. (for those who live in the colonies and don’t know, the UK’s trains are the most expensive, slowest, most infrequent, most often late, most overcrowded, and most often broken down or cancelled in the entire developed world) In Europe they are a constant source of smug merriment as we scoot around on our fab TGVs.
xenzag, Aug 15 2019

       I resent that! We may be behind, but the US is definitely still to be considered part of the developed world!
Voice, Aug 15 2019

       Isn’t there a plan to connect Washington to New York with a giant elongated speaking tube, with relaying booths punctuating the entire route so that messages are delivered via a Chinese whisper method?
xenzag, Aug 15 2019

       //we scoot around on our fab TGVs //   

       You did read the line about "towns burnt, bridges blown up, railways wrecked.", didn't you ?   

       That includes the rolling stock, altho Siemens will no doubt gladly sell some more, at extortionate prices.
8th of 7, Aug 15 2019

       For me the classic British military fuck-up that has more resonance with Brexit has to be The Charge of the Light Brigade - rich folk making snap judgments without thinking them through, neither holding nor caring about all the facts - driven largely by ego and inter-personal rivalry, encouraging a cap-doffing proletariat to shoulder the consequences, and then spinning it into some kind of jingoistic tale of heroism.   

       "350 mil a week, 350 mil a week,
Bendy banana directives!"
A torrent of lies
Spake the Brex-dred.
"Brexit, Lexit, any way you want's it!"
Promised the corrupted.

       "Forward, Article 50!"
Was there a Brexiter dismayed?
Even though they all knew
Someone had blundered.
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs just to spin more lies.
Into chaos and recession - eyes wide
Rode the 300 (Conservative MPs)

       Farage (only marginally) to the right of them
Corbyn to the far left of them
Vested interests behind
Who Lobbied and Plundered
Ignoring facts and experts alike
Boldly talking all kinds of shite
Pretending it would be all-right.
Rode the 300.

       Spouting sound-bites into the air,
Churning up old War-talk - fair?
"All the foreign Krauts over there!
Need us more than we need them!"
While all the world wondered.
Plunged into a frozen penitence
Right at a time of a resurgence
Of Cossack and Russian.
Funded by wealthy Eggs
Ready to hoover up the dregs
Of a thousand lost businesses.
So were played the 300.
zen_tom, Aug 15 2019

       I read your words [zen] but all I hear is this [link], with 'Cthulhu' in the lyrics replaced by 'EU', sung by Guy Verhofstadt with a backing chorus of Europhiles & #FBPE loons :p
Skewed, Aug 15 2019

       Its not loony to care about the place you live.
zen_tom, Aug 15 2019

       But it is loony to demand it's destruction while yelling that you're doing it to save everyone.   

       Who of course then all die because you destroyed their home & livelihood.
Skewed, Aug 15 2019

       I'm quaking in my boots over Brexit. I mean, we've all barely recovered from the global catastrophe of the Y2K bug.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 15 2019

       //we've all barely recovered from the global catastrophe of the Y2K bug//   

       [Perks up ears]   

       Does that mean we have or we haven't?   

       Just wondering if it's safe to leave my Y2K bunker or not.
Skewed, Aug 15 2019

       Nice work, [zen_tom]. Now I have to see if I can find ...   

       Ah, there it is - See the link, if you please.
normzone, Aug 15 2019

       //But it is loony to demand it's destruction while yelling that you're doing it to save everyone.// - agreed, and yet people *still* demand, despite all the evidence, we continue with the Brexit nonsense.   

       It is not even remotely controversial to say this course of action has not gone well so far. The "easiest deal in the world" and "Brexit dividends" are now very much slogans of the past in the light of actual events. Events predicted, pooh-poohed and dismissed as "project fear" more than 3 years ago. Still, the pointless march into an expensive mess continues.   

       //the global catastrophe of the Y2K bug// the main difference between Brexit and the Y2K bug was the Y2K bug was not routinely hyped as an "opportunity". Yes, lots of COBOL programmers were able to charge impressive day-rates and big-4 consultancies did extremely well off of it. And, perhaps, as a result, some investment was spent on systems that might otherwise have languished in an unmaintained state. But while both certainly cost many millions to sort out, the Y2K bug wasn't an Albatross imposed by choice - without a concerted up-front effort to solve, many systems could well have experienced problems - in the end, after spending 100's of billions - the non event was just that - mission accomplished. It's one thing to have to perform a chore to mitigate a risk, and there's another in applying self imposed economic sanctions to the advantage of competing nation states, border-straddling multinationals and opportunistic disaster capitalists.   

       Thanks [norm]!- and not gratuitous at all - there is nothing like a ballad to provide mental refreshment.
zen_tom, Aug 16 2019

       Brexit will have no effect on many of its protagonists, like Bonkers Boris, James Dismal Dyson, Fruit Cake Farage etc, as all of their investments have been either shifted out of the UK and into Euros or to places like Singapore. It’s the poorly informed saps in places like Scunthorpe or Wigan or Hartlepool who will wake up with no job, and be facing the hard edge of total chaos. Instead of setting fire to the fertile fields of France, they may well end up burning their own furniture to stay warm this winter.
xenzag, Aug 16 2019

       Quite - If you've an income stream denoted in a foreign currency, then relative to everyone else in the country, Brexit will be a positive boon. We've already lost an approximate 1/3 of our sovereignty as measured in purchasing power measured in Cable which has dropped from ~1.7 in 2015 to 1.2 today.   

       Normally a country would have to lose a small war to achieve a similar effect.   

       Poorer folks will undoubtedly have the option to wave their little flags, and while hairdressers, shopkeepers and betting shop owners wont feel any direct impact (unless they're Polish and are deported along with their families as being no longer welcome in today's "modern, outward looking democracy") they will instead feel the indirect squeeze of a weaker pound, inflation, rising interest rates making debt more expensive, and higher taxes to offset the loss in government takings due to the repressed business environment and loss of long-term inward investment.   

       Our international standing will become further eroded as peak-manufacturing like Airbus and complex supply-chain fulfillment will decline, taking high paying, highly technical jobs and expertise with them - undoing decades of incremental investment. Sunderland, Swindon already having announced massive factory closures and winding down of once profitable businesses. Farmers will find the additional 40% tariffs applied to their meat produce will put them below the already marginal profitability margin, so any rich folk who ever fancied buying up great swathes of farmland should be polishing their monocles with relish at the opportunity.   

       Here in London, we'll be somewhat protected from much of this as head-offices hire logistics, software experts and hordes of lawyers to mitigate (and indeed in many cases, find ways to profit from) the costs of operating in a more complicated, bureaucratic cross-border environment - there will be *huge* arbitrage opportunities - for those ready to take advantage of them - naturally. So at least the sharpest decline will be felt most acutely in the provinces who voted for it.   

       But yes, the proles will be able to wave their flags and reminisce about 2 world wars and one world cup. Just as they are free to do now of course. Only this time, they will have the added feeling of having won something to cling onto. Well done them. Congrat-u-fucking-lations.   

       The *real* worry of course, is that having clearly shown a willingness to hurt themselves over a few empty slogans; What, (and for whom) after it continues to go so obviously, inexorably wrong, will they vote for in the next 5 years?
zen_tom, Aug 16 2019

       //Farmers will find the additional 40% tariffs applied to their meat produce//   

       Can I just mention that, over the last few years, the UK has consistently imported about 2.5 times more food from the EU than we have exported to the EU (25-35bn imports vs 10-14bn exports). The likelihood that the EU will insist on 40% tariffs is zero.   

       In the event of a no-deal Brexit, the EU will do what is best for the EU, and the UK will do what's best for the UK. In practical terms, those two things align to a large extent.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 16 2019

       Well, yes, that's what happens when you're negotiating something: you agree all the things you agree on nice and quickly and then you fight over the things you disagree on. No amount of "our interests are aligned" (a line I have to my shame used more than a few times) will get you past (a) there are areas where interests are not aligned and (b) in respect of those non aligned areas, the biggest boy gets the better deal. In a no deal situation, the UK is not the biggest boy.
calum, Aug 16 2019

       Isn't there a Unix roll-over 2030 or summat like that?
not_morrison_rm, Aug 16 2019

       Babbage Difference Engines will jam if given a year after 2027, since this is 50/7ths of 28378. Unless preventative action is taken, the main carriage pawls are likely to be irreparably damaged.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 16 2019


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