Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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"Real" Cat and Dog Food

So chummy you won't want to give it to them.
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(+5, -1)
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For some bizarre reason we catch vast quantities of fish (and marrowbones, whatever they are) as well as process various cereal crop by-products, can them and feed them to our pets. Ridiculous!

Cats don't go fishing and dogs rarely ever attack and eat fresh corn or brewer's rice.

UBCo is soon to release a new line of "nutritionally balanced" pet food products... Small birds and rodents, maybe some small reptiles and frogs for your feline friends; Chickens, rabbits, rats and some creatures that look suspiciously like surplus felines collected from around [8th of 7]'s stables, for the dogs.

We pop them into cans at the point of sale; you take the can home and pull the ring-tab, releasing your beloved child-surrogate's next meal, for it to chase, kill and consume.

Get your furry friend back in touch with its wild side.

UnaBubba, Apr 27 2012

Cat Fishing http://www.jackies-...ern-rose-1261-p.asp
Uh huh [skinflaps, Apr 30 2012]


       I wonder if there's a market for truly high end pet food. Feed your malamute elk and caribou meat from Alaska. Only the freshest of gazelle meat from the Serengeti for Tommy!
theircompetitor, Apr 27 2012

       You can bet your bottom dollar that market exists and is being exploited at this very moment, [tc]. Pampering pets is big business, and growing.
UnaBubba, Apr 27 2012

       However the market also knows that the majority of pet-lovers prefer to save a few pence by feeding the object of their adoration and obsession with mechanically recovered slaughterhouse slurry stiffened with cheap cereal dust.
pocmloc, Apr 27 2012

       Depending on the breed, constituents would vary between" Carpet fluff, golf balls and shoelaces" (for Black or Chocolate Labradors) to "The same thing the humans are having, RIGHT NOW! " for Lhasa Apsos and Shih Tzu…   

       On the plus side, the variant for bull terriers could be made from coarsely chopped chihuahuas, these clearly being a species of rrodent rather than a dog. In fact, why bother to chop them…?
8th of 7, Apr 27 2012

       'Gourmet' dog and cat foods made from farmed bison, caribou, rabbit, venison, etc. are flooding the market right now. In the winter when out-of-staters come up to ski and boards their dogs with us, our larder is stock with leftover 'natural diet' dog foods. How people can spend $50 on a bag of dog food and then leave half of it at a boarding kennel is beyond me, but our dogs don't complain, except when dinner is late.   

       Judging from between-meals snacking, the 'natural diet' of an American Pit Bull Terrier consists of frogs, grasshoppers, roadkill, used tissues and Q-tips, and mysterious crunchy things found under rocks and sofas.
Alterother, Apr 27 2012

       My dog ( English Staffordshire Bull Terrier) is seriously addicted to apples... especially Pink Lady apples.   

       He was stealing them from the fruitbowl in the kitchen, until we figured out that it wasn't the kids going through 4 or 5 of them each day.
UnaBubba, Apr 29 2012

       Heh-heh... them bully-breeds is clever.   

       Our 'American Staffordshires' (pit bulls) love apples as well, and Pink Ladies are our household's apple of choice. Whenever they hear one being eaten or sliced they come a-runnin' and dance around waiting for their share of the core. Like many dogs, they also love carrots; I think it's the crunchiness.   

       <steps up to pulpit>   

       Too many apples can give a dog the runs; lots of dogs love grapes, and it's amusing to watch them chase one around the floor, but they contain low levels of a substance that is toxic to canines. Raisins are very bad for dogs.   

       <steps down>
Alterother, Apr 30 2012

       Yes, it's a good idea to strip the seeds out of an apple core before you hand it to your dog. They contain trace amounts of cyanide.   

       The other thing he loves is pickled cucumber. As soon as the pickle jar is opened he's there, looking very expectant and attentive.
UnaBubba, May 01 2012

       Don't add no damn raisins. Raisins=death to dog. Otherwise a nice idea for the little poochies in your life.
blissmiss, May 01 2012

       Ah, the hilarity of giving a cat a lump of old- fashioned home-made treacle toffee… the best bit is that having spent several hours going cross-eyed chomping on it, they don't learn, and will eagerly take another piece…
8th of 7, May 01 2012

       Despite your oft-expressed hatred of cats, [8th], I often envision you sitting at a massive, polished oak table, in a high-backed Chesterfield-style black leather swivel chair, while you watch a vast banks of video screens of warzones around the world, carefully stroking your beautifully manicured pussy.
UnaBubba, May 01 2012

       Are we talking a white E. S. Blofeld-style cat, or the entirely different variety of //beautifully manicured pussy//?
Alterother, May 01 2012

       Oh, there's *another* type?
UnaBubba, May 01 2012

       <wonders which eye the Borg wear their monacles on>
FlyingToaster, May 01 2012

       sp: monocle   

       The brown one.
UnaBubba, May 01 2012

       sp: monocle... though I'm happy to see some Borg in manacles.   

       Which eye? The brown one.
UnaBubba, May 01 2012

       As I have said before, it's my suspicion that [8th of 7] is a slightly ditzy old lady living alone in a cottage on the edge of the Cotswolds with 10 cats.
pocmloc, May 01 2012

       I can verify with 100% certainty that this is not the case, no matter much I wish it were.
Alterother, May 01 2012

       "Real" Cat and Dog Food is baked in Southeast Asia, usually with noodles.   

       (Thus endeth the wilful misinterpretation)
oscil8, May 05 2012

       //baked//? Stirfried, surely?
UnaBubba, May 05 2012


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