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'Clean & Sparkling' Suitcase Valeting

scrub wheels and pour soapy water over them
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Modern wheelie suitcases pick up all sorts of muck that then accumulates around the wheels and wheel arch areas, especially when traversing city streets. When you add to that the remnants of the sticky tape after airline identity labels have been removed, you have a suitcase that is in serious need of a good valeting service. Most countries also have strict import rules regarding many products, yet the suitcases are merrily trundled through with who with knows what micro-bacteria or other potentially harmful contaminants clinging to or embedded in the wheels and wheel arches.

For a modest fee, our valet experts will run your suitcase through a patented mini wheel scrubber, where a combination of spinning brushes, soapy water and hot air driers remove every trace of all types of nasty detritus, leaving them clean and certified contaminant free. The rest of the exterior is then given a thorough going over, with particular attention being paid to the handles. Once complete a certificate of exterior 'Clean & Sparkling' is issued, and the now spotless suitcase can be on its way.

xenzag, Mar 02 2017

Briton jailed for four years in Dubai after customs find cannabis weighing less than a grain of sugar under his shoe http://www.dailymai...ain-sugar-shoe.html
[Voice, Mar 02 2017]

[8th of 7] https://blazingadve...bc94e46f7bfa8dd.jpg
in a pensive pose [xenzag, Mar 03 2017]

[8th of 7] http://3.bp.blogspo...AmericaFirst-lr.jpg
out for an evening [xenzag, Mar 03 2017]

[link]






       // micro-bacteria// as opposed to those huge ones that everyone's talking about?
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 02 2017
  

       'Let me have bacteria about me that are fat' Julius The Chemist.
xenzag, Mar 02 2017
  

       I used to store a small travel suitcase in the same location in my closet as some firearms ammunition.   

       After I watched a gentleman rub a paper patch on my suitcase and then run it through a machine, I inquired why and he said it tests for explosives residue.   

       The ammo and the suitcase now live in differing locations.
normzone, Mar 02 2017
  

       Much amusement may be had by sprinkling a few grains of nitro propellant on the sticky side of a paper label and applying same to a colleague's suitcase.   

       The disconcerting aspect is that 90% of the time the prank is ineffective.   

       Scene: An airport security check.   

       A PASSENGER approaches the detector arch. He passes through, unchallenged.   

       The PASSENGER approaches a SECURITY GUARD.   

       Passenger: "Excuse me, but your explosives detector isn't working."   

       Security Guard: "What ?"   

       Passenger: "Your explosives detector isn't working."   

       Security Guard: "Yes, it is."   

       Passenger: "Oh no it's not. Do you have your <specific make and model of handheld explosives detector> ?"   

       Security Guard: "Err, yes ?"   

       PASSENGER proffers hand to DETECTOR.   

       Detector: "WAAAAAHHHHH ! "   

       Security Guard: "Have you been handling explosives, sir ?"   

       Passenger: "Yes, of course. It's my job."   

       PASSENGER proffers ID to SECURITY GUARD who inspects it.   

       Security Guard (now very worried and nervous, realising who he's talking to) : "Errr .... oh."   

       Passenger: "So, are you going to call someone ?"   

       Security guard (now bewildered and a bit panicky): "Err ... yes .... errr ...."   

       PASSENGER retrieves ID and wanders off into departure lounge, grinning and humming cheerfully, looking for someone else whose day thay can ruin.   

       Absolutely true.
8th of 7, Mar 02 2017
  

       [8th], one of these days I am going to find out exactly what, if anything, your job is.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 02 2017
  

       We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you.   

       Well ... we wouldn't actually *have* to kill you; it's more of a guideline, actually. But it doesn't do to let these things fall into abeyance. People (at least, the living ones) could get entirely the wrong idea.
8th of 7, Mar 02 2017
  

       Well, based on Google hits, statistically speaking you are a wedding photographer.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 02 2017
  

       That's just a sideline, along with the hot-dog cart franchise and the manganese nodule harvesting.   

       And the Barbershop Octet (Barmitzvahs a speciality). Don't you just love close-harmony singing ?
8th of 7, Mar 02 2017
  

       He operates a suitcase valet concession at a remote airport where goat herders form the runway perimeter.
xenzag, Mar 03 2017
  

       I thought "he" ran a kitten sanctuary? And spent the other half of the time making those cute kitten pictures to put on the internet?
pocmloc, Mar 03 2017
  

       Those kitten pics are actually himself in costume! He makes them by meticulously combing kittens at a local animal sanctuary, then spinning the accumulated fur into sculpted structures that he then wears. [8th of 7] is a closet feline dress up artiste!!! The suitcase cleaning is just a day job to preserve and protect his real interests - Kitten-Clone World!
xenzag, Mar 03 2017
  

       // kitten sanctuary //   

       "Sanctuary" probably isn't the ideal word - it's a sanctuary in the same way that Dachau can be called "accommodation".
8th of 7, Mar 03 2017
  

       Suitcase wheel repair, franchised, would make almost as much as that billionaire philanthrophist who owns duty free shops. This idea is closely related, a genus close to the wheel of fire, so +
4and20, Mar 03 2017
  
      
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