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'Your Mom' Database

Avoid awkard silences after a 'your mom' joke
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[Edited for continuity and such]

As a frequent user of 'Your mom jokes' you sometimes hit the right note... at the wrong time

Example: 'Your mom has cancer' Taking the random word heard from a group passing by -- 'cancer' and ending up with a broken nose.

I was thinking of a genetically linked database of all characteristics of a persons mom or mothers

And when this database is queried with the keyword of say... cancer, the system would instantly check the hair sample you took from the 'your mom' joke victim --to find their mother, or at least mother candidates-- and then search their respective medical databases instantly telling you based on the information in those databases, if infact, she had cancer.

Note: This is meant to help avoid hurting someones feelings (too much), however it could be used to give your joke just that much extra 'sting'

Warning: Possible abuses such as bullying, overuse of your mom jokes, and lawsuits

xxobot, Jul 07 2008

Wikipedia: The dozens http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_dozens
[jutta, Jul 07 2008]


       Nono, it doesn't tell if the person has cancer on the genetic sample, it queries medical databases for the keywords you asked, so if you asked for cancer, it'd check all medical records for cancer   

       the genetic sample is of the yo-mom joke victim, and is used to find genetically comparable mothers, allowing you to easily make fun of a random passerby on the street that you have never met before   

       i've fixed the original post so hopefully this is more clear
xxobot, Jul 07 2008

       Seems like a lot of effort to go to.
Texticle, Jul 07 2008

That's what she said.

       From the title I was expecting a familial facial recognition database for adopted kids to find their birth mothers after the age of consent.   

       Oh, and isn't it; Yo Momma?   

       //Avoid awkard silences after a 'your mom' joke//(sic) - by not telling any. I have no idea what these are, and am happy to remain in this state of comparative ignorance. (sp awkward)
xenzag, Jul 07 2008

       If you need a database to tell you that cancer isn't funny, you probably shouldn't be telling jokes at all.   

       As for the idea, a magical database that links to everyone's most personal information for the purpose of making it public to juveniles so that their playground taunts maintain a safe level of mediocre banality? No, it's not really my cup of tea [-]   

       Plus, all that voodoo hair gathering and analysis etc is really going to throw off your timing; and you seem to need all the help you can get, buddy.
zen_tom, Jul 07 2008

       Yes, and if there's one thing that comedy is all about, it's
theleopard, Jul 07 2008

       The important thing is sincerity; if you can fake that, you can fake anything.
8th of 7, Jul 07 2008

       I'm still waiting for the inevitable 'yo momma' joke :P
xxobot, Jul 07 2008

       So let me get this straight...you see a stranger on the street, you think they need some snappy ridicule, but nothing too acurate, so you run up, yank some hair out by the root. You need to root as the rest doesn't have DNA. You then slip this into a small magic device that processes the DNA string and contacts a national database to find out the relative chances that his Momma doesn't have cancer or similar disease so you can "Yo Momma" them in a funny, but not too accurate way.   

       Won't they be kicking your ass for tearing their hair out?   

       Yo Momma is so sad at what her son does in his free time.   

       The only way this would be funny, is if you ran up behind someone, pulled their hair out, put it in the device and a little warning light came on that said, "WARNING, that IS your Momma".
MisterQED, Jul 07 2008

       Or wait, how about the database also includes criminal records and gun registrations...
MisterQED, Jul 07 2008

       To really assist the delivery of schoolyard taunts, this database could also include details of people who are GAYLORDS, as well as maintaining detailed records of who smells, who kisses girls; Who has got some AIDS, or is a spastic and has fleas. Or whoever wears flares. Or likes bums and willies, or who has ever wee'd in their pants (errr!) or whoever just talks a bit like Joey Deacon.
zen_tom, Jul 07 2008

       Your mamma jokes. Putting the *punch* into punchline since the time of Seth.
4whom, Jul 07 2008

       Yo mama so fat, she died.
Noexit, Jul 07 2008

       Your mom goes to college
evilpenguin, Jul 07 2008

       Yo momma is a really nice lady.
bungston, Jul 07 2008


theleopard, Jul 08 2008

       You're late.
Jinbish, Jul 08 2008

       I don't even have a womb!
theleopard, Jul 08 2008

       Your Mum's a database.
theleopard, Jun 14 2011

       Yo momma's baked.
marklar, Jun 14 2011

       Whose, my mom?
rcarty, Jun 15 2011

       You can't do Mechanics of Materials without your MoM.
RayfordSteele, Jun 15 2011

       I thought "yo Momma" was urban code for "I need a punch in the nose."
whlanteigne, Apr 11 2013


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