Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Strap *this* to the back of your cat.

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butt stick remover

disarm someone who is on their way to having a bad day
  (+1)
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This is simply a box, which is disguised as the container for a bona-fide product. The fancy, glossy color label would read "Butt Stick Remover," and a photograph of the product would suggest a long, stainless steel implement, much like one of those plastic salad tongs you have in the back of one of your kitchen drawers (only this one is a shiny, sterile, stainless steel one). On the end flaps of the box, an official seal would read "Approved by the NPA" (National Proctologist's Association). Fill the box with candy or flowers, and hand it to the distressed individual. Run away.
flerper, Apr 12 2003

[link]






       Next up; shoulder chip re-sizer.   

       You mean "shoulder crisp" don't you?
bristolz, Apr 12 2003
  

       I dunno. I can see this selling quickly on thinkgeek.com. You could package it with my Clue Spray.
DrCurry, Apr 12 2003
  

       yes!
po, Apr 12 2003
  

       I dunno, DrCurry...we would have to consult the NPA on that. Could you rename your product "ass spray?" That might go a long way toward some sort of consesnus.
flerper, Apr 12 2003
  

       I'll take a gross.
Can the box feature a picture of Carol Channing?
thumbwax, Apr 12 2003
  

       I'm getting flashes of "pole pants."
Wait, that didn't come out right.
my face your, Apr 12 2003
  

       <laughing> This is an example of the power of negative expectations. I expected the worst from the title, and so will the lucky recipient, ah, distressed individual. <+>
pluterday, Apr 12 2003
  

       Post a bunch of bad ideas.   

       Get a bunch of negative responses.   

       Criticize naysayers in annotations.   

       Post an idea that is a thinly veiled ad hominem attack on the naysayers.   

       yawn.
dbsousa, Apr 14 2003
  

       DANG! Remind me never to get on HIS bad side!
Bowner42, Apr 14 2003
  

       I don't veil my attacks. Go back to sleep.
flerper, Apr 16 2003
  

       ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
snarfyguy, Apr 16 2003
  

       I love that....naysayers. And why is it that you came to this idea [db]? Could it be that you have been looking for a butt stick remover? When I grow up, I want to have a bunch of good ideas posted, and be a naysayer like you. It will take some time, but as GOD IS MY WITNESS, I will have a stick up my butt and say nay.
flerper, Apr 17 2003
  

       flerper, when you grow up, you will have learned something about the difference between substantive debate, and ad hominem attacks.   

       And we will all be using jetpacks...
dbsousa, Apr 17 2003
  

       //And we will all be using jetpacks//

Being a time traveler myself, I can tell you that that’s the truth. But as arms have devolved over the years, the jetpacks are sphincter controlled using, as you might guess, a butt stick...
pluterday, Apr 17 2003
  

       I am sorry, but it is against my moral code to attack any ad hominem. I would simply point out that you are so busy attacking me, and so not busy thinking up more brilliant half -baked ideas.
flerper, Apr 17 2003
  
      
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