Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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cheese with lots of hydrogen or helium in it

Hydr-o-Cheez (tm)
  (+3, -1)
(+3, -1)
  [vote for,

Whilst wondering why cheese is so damn heavy, I thought of hydrogen impregnated cheese ie cheese that is full of bubbles containing hydrogen.

Nor only should it be lighter, but it should be self-cooking. Lay one slice of Hydr-o-Cheez (tm) on a slice of toast, apply match and stand back.

Obviously with the more expensive helium version it is not self-flammable, but then you can sound like Mickey Mouse and eat your favourite cheese at the same time!!!!

Standard disclaimers apply..

not_morrison_rm, Dec 30 2013

hydrogenation http://chemistry.ab...a/hydrogenation.htm
[Voice, Dec 30 2013]

trans fats are found in most cheeses http://www.wikihow....ecognize-Trans-Fats
[Voice, Dec 30 2013]

more on trans fats http://www.mayoclin...h/trans-fat/CL00032
[Voice, Dec 30 2013]

Obligatory John Cheese (sic) link http://m.youtube.co...h%3Fv%3DPPN3KTtrnZM
Not much of a Cleese shop, is it? [4whom, Jan 02 2014]

Return of the cheddar http://www.aqua-cal...a-and-blank-cheddar
There is a disturbance in the formage [4whom, Jan 02 2014]


       //full of bubbles containing hydrogen//   

       That is not what hydrogenated means. Linky.   

       As for your idea you'll need some very large bubbles to make it self-cooking, at which point it will be self- burning...
Voice, Dec 30 2013

       Hydrogen is extremely mobile and will diffuse away relatively quickly, unless the cheese is packaged in a thick-walled cast steel container.   

       Also, what [Voice] said; it would need to be a low-density hydrogen- foamed cheese.   

       [+] for flammability.
8th of 7, Dec 30 2013

       Comments noted and re-written...   

       I still think it's hydrogenated, in the same way that carbonated water isn't just carbon and water.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 30 2013

       Shirley what's needed is a thin layer of thermite- containing butter spread on the bread before adding the cheese. It will then toast the bread and melt the cheese in one seamless operation.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 30 2013

       Oddly enough, a great deal of information is available about thermite, but it never seems to include what flavour it is. I suspect it may not be that tasty. Volunteers to find out, one pace forward.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 30 2013

       //Volunteers to find out, one pace forward.//   

       The aftermath of thermite combustion is iron and aluminium oxide. Iron tastes irony; aluminium oxide has a fairly neutral taste.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 30 2013

       I'm guessing when we finally do get to another planet...amid the ruins of their civilisation, gone aeons ago...it will be knee deep in snowglobes.   

       Just thought I'd mention that.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 30 2013

       A snowglobe planet where snowglobes fall from the sky each with minature falling snowglobes into infinity.
rcarty, Dec 30 2013

       Aluminum oxide tastes very gritty and makes your teeth smaller.
lurch, Dec 30 2013

       Yeah, but it has no taste, unless you're tasting the caustic soda contaminants as a result of the alumina extraction process.
Custardguts, Jan 01 2014

       Leave me stinking cheese alone, will ya? (don't know why I wrote that, just came to my mind so I jotted it down.)
blissmiss, Jan 01 2014

       Actually, koryciski cheese contains bubbles of almost pure hydrogen, produced by the bacteria that give it its characteristic flavour.   

       Usually, these bubbles are few and small. However, some batches - for reasons unknown - become incredibly bubbly, turning into a sort of cheese foam. There was an incident in 1987 where one worker was killed and several others were injured in a room used to age the cheese. The room had been left unopened for two weeks over the Christmas/New Year period, and the batch of cheese that was being aged produced so much hydrogen that, as soon as the electric lights were turned on, a spark from the switch triggered a violent explosion followed by an intense fire.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 01 2014

       It would seem that the loss of so much cheese would warrant an annual memorial if the event weren't fraudulent, and yet no annual cheese disaster memorial to speak of despite this being the same time of year.
rcarty, Jan 01 2014

       Are you suggesting that I have created Hindenburg cheese...   

       <cuts to grainy black and white footage of a huge cheese bursting into flames at the Lakehurst Naval Air Station>
not_morrison_rm, Jan 02 2014

       Incidentally, it seems cheddar is only slightly heavier than water, with a difference of 4/100th. But bun for making me google "cheddar + specific density". Something I really have should have done in the past...
4whom, Jan 02 2014

       Perhaps we can "grow", or mature, cheeses at higher atmospheres of pressure. Either underwater or with artificially produced atmospheres. That way at STP, they will in fact be less dense... It is my understanding that the protein chains can absorb quite a bit of stress, a bit like a rubber band (a la mozzarella). Added bonus, sell it by the kilogram, under 40 atmospheres that is...or by weight at STP.
4whom, Jan 02 2014

       // huge cheese bursting into flames at the Lakehurst Naval Air Station //   

       "Oh, the Hirtenkäse !"   

       "Most of the passengers survived the initial fire and crash, only to drown in the consequent fondue. Most of the casualties in the ground crew were from cholesterol poisoning. Crash investigation was greatly hampered by the fact that by the time investigators arrived, the molten wreckage had been almost completely consumed, mostly on slices of toast ..."
8th of 7, Jan 02 2014

       If you were to make a battery out of cheese, overcharging it could replace the hydrogen lost to exfiltration.
FlyingToaster, Jan 02 2014

       Overcharging cheeses is not allowed under EU protocol EU- 15, EU-N10, EU-N2, EU-N1 and EU-28. However you do get protection of trademark, etc.
4whom, Jan 02 2014

       Ahh, finally my brain is working...   

       The Hinden(cheese)burg(er)...   

       Goes back to bed.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 02 2014

       "Do you want fries with that ?"
8th of 7, Jan 11 2014

       Commemorated* in a poem by Robbie Burns (if he'd had a time machine).   

       *Very difficult to spell
not_morrison_rm, Jan 12 2014

       // Robbie Burns //   

       William Topaz McGonagall would be more appropriate, shirley ?
8th of 7, Jan 12 2014

       //William Topaz McGonagall   

       Err, no actual anagrams in there that might be related to "fire", "burn" "conflagration"? Or have you been at the WD40 again...
not_morrison_rm, Jan 12 2014


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