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comfort remote

reassurance for men
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when i'm watching tv, i just have to have possession of the remote control. call me childish, i don't care. if i don't feel in control of the proceedings i get jittery, shake, sweat profusely, and eventually just let out a feral scream.

While i have my methods to keep control at home (hiding, sitting on, or rubbing foul smelling terratorial faeces on the remote), when i go to the cinema i am lost. alone. terrified. not only do i have no control over the movie, but i can't even see the guy who does.

To relieve this problem i propose that all cinema seats come equipped with a big-ass dummy remote with lots of colourful, cool-looking buttons. all the guys in the audience can keep a satisfied death-grip on their individual remote, occasionally playing with the volume settings to make themselves feel better.

sambwiches, Feb 03 2003

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       "call me childish..."   

       My 9-month-old daughter also has a compulsion to have the TV remote in her grasp at all times. But she has taught us that the device is not so much to be used for controlling the TV as for staring in wonder at the multitude of buttons and fitting various edges and ends of it into one's mouth.
beauxeault, Feb 03 2003
  

       Hm, I've never tried that.
waugsqueke, Feb 03 2003
  

       It sounds more like a placebo remote to me.   

       Whatever works...
snarfyguy, Feb 03 2003
  

       it really does not take very much to satisfy the modern man. very sad.
po, Feb 03 2003
  

       au contraire [po] it'd at least need to have a small red light that flashes everytime you press a button, like on some real remotes.
kaz, Feb 03 2003
  

       hey, what's with the fishbones?
sambwiches, Feb 03 2003
  

       I think they mean that people don't like the idea. I do, if that's any co[n]solation at all.
my face your, Feb 03 2003
  

       sophisticated, kaz, sophisticated dude.   

       [my] you will cosolate anyone, you tart!
po, Feb 03 2003
  

       cheers, [my face your], it is great consolation.
sambwiches, Feb 03 2003
  

       Tart? Moi?
my face your, Feb 03 2003
  

       I like it. And I REALLY like your handle, [sambwiches]. It's so much fun to say. Except my cow orkers are giving me funny looks now...
snarfyguy, Feb 03 2003
  

       it is a great word, isn't it? i have a nation on nationstates.net called The United States of Sambwich. it's kinda like the Land Of Chocolate in the Simpsons, but with sandwiches.
sambwiches, Feb 03 2003
  

       <grin> ain't I just [po] </grin>
kaz, Feb 03 2003
  

       Instead of a remote if there are tiny screens and keyboards in the handles then viewers can send instant messages to their neighbors using relative seat addressing and avoid talking while sharing their comments or running commentary on the movies with their friends.
est, Apr 12 2004
  

       [est] Nice! Allow txt lng and a horde of irritating people would love to use it. Just don't let it beep for any reason.
stilgar, Dec 09 2004
  
      
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