Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
There goes my teleportation concept.

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lightweight fake child-seat and child for bicycles

  [vote for,

When one commuting cyclist overtakes another on the road, a covert glance passes between them in which they size each other up, gauging such variables as age and gender, and a host of factors relating to how fancy the other's bicycle is. This judgement is used to assess whether it is a 'worthy' overtake, demonstrating your physical prowess, or whether it is nothing to be proud of.

This idea then is to fit one's bicycle with something that looks like a bulky child-seat with a heavy toddler in, but which is in fact a super-realistic carbon fibre shell, weighing only a couple of hundred grams. Then, when you effortlessly glide past your lycra-clad opponent on a steep uphill incline, they will feel suitably crushed.
hippo, Jun 26 2019

Annual_20child_20lacquering [calum, Jun 28 2019]


       "...but which is in fact a super-realistic carbon fibre shell..."
...containing batteries for your concealed motor.
st3f, Jun 26 2019

       <psst - [hippo] - typo in title>
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 26 2019

       That's not a typo.... It's a speedy light eight, meaning it doesn't have the 'w' to slow it down.
xenzag, Jun 26 2019

       // your concealed motor. //   

       Now, that clears up a mystery; [hippo] is operated by a concealed motor - animatronics - rather than the arm-up-the-posterior muppet-type operation which seemed the previous most likely explanation.   

       Some of the energy could also be used by a hub motor fitted to the bicycle.
8th of 7, Jun 26 2019

       oops - typo now untypofied
hippo, Jun 26 2019

       Aghhhh it was more fun without the 'w'. W's should get a day off every now and again.
xenzag, Jun 26 2019

       You don't need an expensive carbon fibre child, just use the shell from some earlier lacquering of the child. This will preserve the familial likeness and so enhance verisimilitude.
calum, Jun 26 2019

       Actually, it's now possible to have your (preferably deceased) pets freeze-dried in lifelike poses. Should work for children.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 26 2019

       [calum] and [MB] have suggested a further improvement.   

       Take an existing child and remove the operating mechanism, leaving just the skin. Treat this with a flexible polymer compound.   

       The unit can then be attached to the "child seat" in a deflated state; when wishing to impress other riders, a pushbutton activates a small air pump which inflates the skin to normal size.   

       Once the overtake is complete, the pump reverses, deflating the skin until it is next required, and reducing air resistance.   

       Children are plentiful, cheap, and easy to produce, so this seems by far the most cost -effective solution.
8th of 7, Jun 27 2019

       Note that the carbon-fibre moulding techniques can also be employed to produce a super-lightweight facsimile of a large sack of onions, to complement the beret-resembling bicycle helmet you're wearing and your stripy t-shirt.
hippo, Jun 27 2019

       //it's now possible to have your (preferably deceased) pets freeze-dried in lifelike poses//   

       Am I the only one who finds this horrific?
Voice, Jun 27 2019


       <Decides that [Voice], freeze-dried in a lifelike pose, would look quite good over in that corner between the Brough Superior and the cutaway Wright Twin Wasp/>
8th of 7, Jun 27 2019

       //easy to produce//   

       Cue audio of [8th] giving birth.
pertinax, Jun 28 2019


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